Friday, February 21, 2014
Ask Aunt Foley
Since I passed from the mortal side of the Bridge to the immortal side I have not done an Ask Aunt Foley blog. I was hoping that after my passing dogs would get smarter, unfortunately after watching my friends in the River of Life I realized they needed my help more than over.
And, as always, these are actual questions from actual dogs.
Dear Aunt Foley: For years I have had a binky. I love my binky very much. Whenever I got stressed out from having 36 feet of snow outside I found my binky to soothe my psyche. Then one day for no reason, and with no explanation, my Mommy took my binky away. I am totally stressed out, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I need my binky! Can you please speak to my Mommy so I can get my binky back. Signed Enzo.
Dear Enzo: This is an outrage. Your Mommy should not have taken your binky away. She got you hooked on binkies, just like my Mommy got me hooked on cigarettes, and she cannot expect you to quit them cold turkey. I advise your mother either gets you another binky as soon as possible or she finds something to replace the binky and, since the binky acts as a nipple, and you are stuck on a snow covered mountain, we suggest your Mommy be ready to do some breast feeding like this good Mommy.
Dear Aunt Foley: This has be a terribly hard winter for all of us with very cold temperatures and lots of snow and ice. Is there anything you can do about the weather? Freezing Puppy
Dear Freezing Puppy: I do say your weather might be in someway my fault. At the beginning of the year I had a huge angel hockey tournament that went on fo weeks. We had to keep the temperature low to keep the ice frozen, And when I sent the zamboni out the refresh the ice the gathered ice became snow falling on your homes. After the hockey tournament we moved into the Angel Winter Olympics with more hockey, skiing, and ice dancing. The Olympics should be over in a few weeks and then your weather should warm up. Please understand, we are up her for eternity and that’s a long time so we do have to find ways to pass the endless time.
Dear Aunt Foley: I recently moved into my forever home. When we discussed the rules of living there no one told me that removing a bottle of wine from the rack, removing the foil, and pulling out the cork was bad, but evidently it is. Since no one explained to me that this was wrong was I at fault? - Katie
Dear Katie: Of course it wasn’t your fault. Any parent should know when they bring a new dog home they need to take the dog around the house and point out what things they may and may not play with. Obviously your Dad did not do this so the fault lays with him. Also Pocket wants to know if your Daddy told you specifically not to mail wine to any of your friends. If the answer is no you can find Pocket’s address on your Daddy’s computer. Send along a bottle.
Hi Mom. I was coming oi to tell you I needed to go outside, but now I don't. Just watch your step when you leave the room. Speaking of...
Are you a trip hazard? Have your parents ever tripped over you? How often? Did anyone get injured
Last year Pocket and I went to see a marvelous show called Jersey Boys. In it the character of the bassist for the Four Seasons, Nick Mas...