River in Search of the Elusive Belly Rub

I must admit I'm not the easiest dog in the world. When I want to be picked up, I curl myself into a ball to make lifting me as difficult as possible. Except for the turkeys who leave bird smells on my lawn, I am my own worst enemy.

One of the pleasures of this dog's life is belly rubs. Like every dog I enjoy head-scratchers, ear rubs and butt tickles, but if you want to satisfy this girl truly then belly rubs are the way to go.

Most dogs, who want their belly rubbed, take the all too familiar position, on their backs, with their legs spread, waiting for the sweet satisfaction.  I may enjoy the activity, maybe too much, and my psychiatrist is worried that I am addicted to it, but I am not a whore! I am not just going to lie there.  If I am going to submit to a belly rub, it has to be on my terms.

When I want long, sustained belly rubs, I go to Daddy.  Mommy might monkey around down there for a minute or so, but in our house, a marathon session is a man’s job.  

I sit on his lap and paw at his hand until he puts it on to my belly.  Then, I hunch over, like an old man waiting on the salad line at Ruby Tuesday’s and he begins to scratch me.   If you could see my eyes, which are up here, by the way, it would look like he was tightening a nut down there.

Once the scratching begins to reach its climax a little wheel pops out of my butt.  I slowly, without using my paws or shifting weight move backward until my dad is hunched over, like a guy who can’t bend his knee trying to tie a shoe while sitting on a recliner.  Daddy has to extend his arm fully, so only the tip of his fingers reach me. But, you know how it is ladies, often the tip is all you need.

The bed is my favorite place to get belly rubs.  Again, I sit up, and Daddy does the rubbing. I start by sitting by him, and the more he scratches, the further I retreat until I am sitting near the foot of the bed and he is laying in the wrong direction scratching my belly like a safecracker trying to find the right combination.  Slowly, my eyes begin to flutter shut until they close, and I slump down ready to sleep, fully sated.

Sometimes, if I know one of my parents is awake during the night, I will start pawing at them for a late rub.  I usually get a bit, before they fall asleep, and their hand falls limply on the bed.


I am lucky to have a dad who will twist himself into a pretzel just to get rubs.  Either that or my belly is worth it.