Friday Fill In

 

It’s Fill-In-Friday brought to us by our two hosts at 15andmeowing and Four-Legged Furballs.   They give us four sentences with blanks for us to fill in. I filled, Ruby Rose, filled in the blanks in blue to the best of my ability.

1. I have trouble pronouncing``anything in English. I am flute in Grifforian, but no one else understands it. 

2. I tend to confuse my leg with  chew bones until I say “ouch.”

3. I quit smoking because lighting a match without opposable thumbs is a bitch

and when I use my mouth I singe my whiskers.

4. Currently, I can’t get the song Sweet Caroline  out of my mind. A bunch of fools singing along. “Bum, bum, bum” my ass. Like lemmings going over a cliff.

Poetry Thursday

My friends the Two Spoiled Cats have provided the following photo as inspiration for Poetry Thursday

Frankie had a dream

Of an open refrigerator door and free ice cream

Of being able to eat fish caught in a stream

And bread produced by sunbeam

Frankie had a partner named Gabor

Who shared his dream of opening the door

Ways to get into the refrigerator they both did explore

Raven, the caged parakeet, mocked the, saying “nevermore”

 

One night the dad came down for a midnight snack

And left the door open a crack

Frankie walked by and was taken aback

By the smell of cheese, probably cracker jack

To signal Gabor Frankie let a purr emit

And when she saw the door Gabor said “Holy shit”

All their dreams had come through if just for a little bit

Thanks to their dad, a forgetful  upperclass twit

They stood to look on the shelves that were anything but bare

Unfortunately all their plunder was in tupperware

And how to open these plastic devils they were not aware

After all their years of dreaming it just wasn’t fair;

Frankie had then sharpest claws of the two

And the them he tried to open it doing a push me pull you

When this did not work he tried to chew

And when this failed across the room it did flew

It skidded on the floor and hit a wall

And their dreams were answered once and for all

The lid came up and inside the fish did fall

And the kitties grabbed the fish and dashed away dashed away all

Perhaps their exploits deserved more than a comment

A grand poem or epic sonnet

When their parents woke up and saw them they knew what they would call itThe night the kitties raided the fridge, ate bread pudding, and ended up covered in vomit. 

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

Just as I suspected.

My balls are gone.

I imagine it happened during my vet appointment when I fell asleep.

The vet appointment you took me to.

Are you still going to continue to maintain the facade that you know nothing about what happened to my balls?

Memorial Day Question

 Do your parents have a memorial to their angels?

The above is my parents memorial tp their angels. It is in the living room 

The Ruby Rose Report: My Parent's Get a Good Report at the Vet

On Thursday I had a vet check up.

While I was being poked and prodded I realized I was nothing but the middle dog. 

They talked like the appointment was about me, but it wasn’t. A vet checkup is to judge our parents.

I came to this realization while I was being weighed, and my parents were congratulated that I lost a pound, that I had no control over my weight. I am neither a hunter or a gatherer. I am an eater and a digester. If I was allowed to eat what I wanted, and not have to survive in the wild, I would weigh two hundred pounds.

“Are you giving heartworm medication?” my parents were asked, and the tech was told that they did.

“That is good,” the tech said.

Frankly, I wasn’t even aware I was taking any heartworm medication. It might be the special treat that I get once a month and  tastes chalky, but I don’t mind. I lost a pound in a year. I am starving here!

 Then  they were asked about flea and tick medication, which I get sometimes, but since I am not out often they sometimes forget.

And the tech wrote sometime down on the pad.

Was their carelessness about flea and tick medication going to affect my chances at getting a squeaky toy when this ordeal was over.

Then came the doctor with her poking, prodding, and  probing. She said my teeth, coat, and eyes were good. I was back in the running for the squeaky toy.

Then came the assault and battery.

I got a pinch in the leg, a poke in the butt, and puff in the nose.

It was the way Indians in the midwest greeted the settlers, which kept the white men east of the Mississippi until the winter when  most of the women died and the Yankees crossed the river in search of living space and Indian strange.

Then after I had been violated in every hole I had my parents judgment was over, and they had passed, thanks to me keeping taut and healthy.

And I got a squeaky toy.

It is the least they could do after I made the humans look so good. 

                                

Friday Fill IN

It’s Fill-In-Friday brought to us by our two hosts at 15andmeowing and Four-Legged Furballs.   They give us four sentences with blanks for us to fill in. I filled, Ruby Rose, filled in the blanks to the best of my ability/

1. A day without pooping is like a cow without getting mi;led.

2. I find it rude when someone asks me who's a good girl, who's a good girl? Obviously. I’m the good girl and there is no need to belabor the point

3. I like to eat breakfast as early as possible. It increases the possibility my parent will forget and I will get the elusive second breakfast.

4. I tend to run late when try to do anything, so, I find the first warm lap and give up.

Poetry Thursday

My friends the Two Spoiled Cats have provided the following photo as inspiration for Poetry Thursday

Thomas had a dream he needed to act on

He wanted to drive for Amazon

To leave packages and be gone gone gone

He didn’t care if he had to deliver to Babylon

Thomas took the classes and graduated

And to take the hardest route he did not have to be persuaded

He had longed for a job where he would be appreciated

And he had a job that was not hated

He was not intimidated when a piano put on his truck

He would be able to deliver it with a little luck

Then he saw where he would have to deliver the piano and said “what the heck”

(Not really, but if I quoted him exactly from the Internet his blog would be struck)

The house sat on a hill higher than Everest

And the piano had no brakes so once he started he count not rest

Nut he was an Amazon driver and sworn to give his best

He began to push the package with the piano up the driveway: of his abilities, a true test

He got it up the driveway, parked iot, and paused to take a picture

When the piano began to roll away like Kramer’s rickshaw

He ran after the piano repeating the scriptures

When the piano wiped out the town gazebo he knew that a job at Amazon would not make him richer

Timothy realized the decision to be an Amazon driver had been rash

Pushing a piano up a hill was no way to make cash

He needed something that would not cause a gazebo crash

And took a food delivery job with Door Dash.  

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

Hurry Mom, these things aren't going to dig up themselves

Monday Question

 Are you allowed human food and if so what is your favorite?

Ruby'a answer: I don't get much but I love watermelon

The Ruby Rose Report: Taking Care of the Humans

 

When humans gather without pets, something we, the wiser of the species, know should be kept to a minimum, because very little good comes of it, they discuss how hard it is to watch over us and keep us from doing something foolish to hurt ourselves.

I have news for them, we pets, who must care for our humans, are much harder. 

We both suffer the same hubris: We think we can do anything. For dogs it is running loose thinking we will find our way home, challenging a much larger dog, usually named Tyson, or thinking we can eat anything we want, from grass to rocks.

Men usually need watching when they think they can do something themselves instead of hiring a professional. There is a lot we have to do in these instances. We have to keep them from getting so frustrated they have a stroke, that they don’t use words not fit for HBO or burn down the house. When they get into the danger zone we have to nose our way into their work to make them stop. They are usually too oblivious to realize we are doing it for their benefit. Sometimes being a caretaker for a human is exhausting 

Surprisingly, lately, my mom is the one I have to watch. Spring has finally arrived and Mommy is ready to work in her gardens.

She waits through the long, cold lonely winter for the chance to help the flowers shake off the cold and ice. But last year the arthritis in her knees and back stopped her from working. Despite this, she was determined to work in the gardens this week.

“It will just be a little weeding and spreading mulch,” she promised.#

I barked at her to stop as she began to bend over and pull up weeds. She seemed to be doing great.

And then came a thing called rigor mortis.

Her body had enough.

She made it to a chair, and brought me, in my stroller nearby so I could watch my dad put down long swarths of weed block and cover it with mulch. It was tiring watching him. 

When he was done, and it was  time to mow, he told us to go inside, which I was happy to do, and Mommy was reluctant, upset she could not do more

I am trying to get her to recognize it is time for her to take a supervisory position and let our daddy landscaper do everything but she is determined to try again, like a dog who eats grass, throws up on the comforter, and then eats grass again.

It is going to be a long summer trying to keep someone who uses a walker from doing the gardening she loves.

But if anyone can make her want to stay in a chair and snuggle with a dog it is me, 

Poetry Thursday

 

 Angel Sammys and Teddys Pawetaton have provided us with another picture for Poetry Thursday 

“Did you hear the news?”

A seal named Fred asked one called Cruz

Who responded “The news gives me the blues

It makes me sad and leaves me in a state of confuse."

Fred asked Cruz “Did you hear about the new Pope?

Such news fills us with hope”

Cruz answered that news of the Pope made him unable to cope

And when he was asked if he wanted to hear the story answered nope.

Fred asked “did you hear about Elon Musk?”

Cruz answered in a manner quite brusque

Cruz said “I don’t care about Elon Musk not in the morning not at dusk

The last news I consumed was about Dean Rusk.”

Fred asked: “DId you hear about the new Air Force One?

It comes from Qatar and is second to none.”

Cruz said he didn’t want to stop the fun

And it sounded more like a bribe than a gift from someone.

Fred asked “Did you see Jeanine Pirro is the AG from DC?

She used to be on FOx tv.”

Cruz said “that’s fine by me

As far as I am concerned she can set them all free.”

Fred told him Trump lifted the sanctions from Syria

Something that gave people diarrhea. 

Cruz said he had an uncle who visited Korea

And came home with kimchi and a case of gonorrhea.

Fred decided Cruz could not be surprised

He couldn’t even get a rise

And realized ignoring the news would make it all highs

Instead of being something that makes us daily agonize.

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

You got ten seconds to tell me why my cousin Larry's picture on the bag or I am giving you a double fisted colonoscopy

Monday Question

 Do you use anything that belonged to your predecessor?

I use the kitty condo that has been used by Foley, Pocket and River. 

The Ruby Rose Report: Mother's Day

 

I woke up this morning and learned it was Mother’s Day. 

Dogs don’t pay attention to the human calendar. There are a lot of words and numbers, but all we care about is that today is today.

Still, knowing it was a day to honor moms made me feel bad. I should have gotten something. But, Mommy told me, I give her more than anyone else could.

She said every morning I make her feel safe when she wakes up and I am snuggled against her. I help her fall asleep too by being in the same position so she can stroke me until she becomes sleepy. (In the interim I get out of bed and hit a couple of local bars. Little dogs do need to unwind. )

She said I never let her feel alone because I am always following her around.

Momma said she never feels alone because wherever she goes I am there.

Mommy said that she spent almost 30 years feeding humans but none of them have made her feel appreciative the way I have. I guess that takes away the tedium of meal time for her. 

And there has never been a soul who has been happier to see her come home than her dogs. She doesn’t go out often now but I still make her feel like she just came home from war when she does. 

I keep her lap warm, and when she is feeling down I pick her up with 1,000 kisses. 

And she never feels alone and always feels loved. 

I guess I do give her a lot and not just on Mother's Day but every day.

Because mom’s don't need cards, or gifts, just unconditional love and companionship.  

And luckily for the non-working groups dogs it all all free

Friday Fill Ins

 

It's Fill in the Blank Friday, It is hosted by 15 and meowing. The original sentences are in black and my (Ruby's) fill ins 

1. My tail is too small to create a breeze when I wag it. 

2. My wild instinct_calls me take on the outside world  but my nap instinct always wins. 

3. I’m most likely to take a great big bag for home to a potluck.

4. I need to ask the Baby Jesus_ for help with finding out who put these wrinkles in my face and why

Poetry Thursday

 

 Today is Poetic Thursday hosted by our pals Teddy and Angel Sammy at

 Two Spoiled Cats

You bought a new coat?

Put it on the porch

An anchor for the boat?

Put it on the porch

You need the note I wrote?

I put it on the porch

You need the oats for the goat?

Look on the porch

In our house the closet is full

We can’t open the door no matter how much we pull

We have books stacked up on the window sill

The cabinets are so full opening the door could kill

Timmy could’t find his ball

It was lost on the porch

Sally lost her favorite doll

Somewhere on the porch

Martha wanted to make a call

But someone left the phone on the porch

Grandpa couldn’t find his alcohol

It was stored somewhere on the porch

It was so full no one could shut the window 

Nothing to keep out the rain or snow

Nothing to stop when the wind does blow

Cold and wet was the status quo.  

Sissy said she was cold and needed a blanket warm

But it was on the porch

 Marty wanted an umbrella for the storm

But it was on the porch

Uncle Joe needed his drugs to perform

But could not find them on the porch

And no one had see Uncle Norm

Since he climbed out on the porch

Until one day the overstuffed porch fell

And the family belongings were scattered from heaven to hell

And now there is nothing left to tell

Because the family now had nothing but a hole in the wall where they did dwell,