The Ruby Rose Report: A Walk in the Woods On a Autumn Afternoon

 

My Dad has said, while I sit on a blanket, on the back of the couch, and getting hand-fed, while a fan blows cool air on my tail, that he worries that I don’t do enough dog things.

Ridiculous. Then I got down to eat breakfast but turned up my nose because two of my kibbles were touching my kibble.

Unacceptable!

I got back on the couch while my parents cleaned the kibble because they were worried I would get the vapors.

On Tuesday I was placed on my perch in the car and escorted to Mommy’s hairdresser's and I expected to be chauffeured back, Instead, we pulled down a tree-lined road and parked on the edge of the woods.

Oh no, did we have a flat?

My Dad got out of the car, put on my leash, and announced we were going for a walk.

In the woods?

My feet might get muddy, my stunning tail covered with burrs, and I could be eaten by a rabid beaver.

But he who has the loop of the leash holds all the power.

He pulled me outside and I landed in the mud.

Great.

Then we began to walk down the path. The leaves were all red yellow and orange. They scrunched under my paws when I walked, and when I began sniffing a thousand scents. It woke up my inner dog. Then I did something I hadn’t done in more than three years of living with my parents.

I pooped outside.

The problem was that when you don’t poop outside for three years the human walking you stops carrying poop bags. Luckily there was a wide enough life nearby.

We walked further into the woods and came upon a garden that had a million and a half smells. Then we went further and I saw this thing called a squirrel. Are you familiar with them? They are fluffy-tailed rats who dart in front of us and run up a tree.

I had been a reluctant traveller but now I was pulling on the leash, every turn brought newp sights and sounds. We came kto a river and wandered down towards the bank until the ground became too treacherous. We found a cabin in the woods that I claimed as my summer home. And there was a log that I  stood on to make myself tall.

I was tuckered out when I got in the car but stayed awake as we picked up Mommy, and soon I was asleep on her lap, under a blanket.

Because I am a dog, not an animal.