Monday, August 31, 2009

My meeting with the Governor does not go exactly as planned

Well, friends, today did not go as well as I had hoped. I had a 10:00 meeting with Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick. There is a debate going on as to whether the law should be changed to allow the Governor to either appoint a temporary, or permanent, replacement for Senator Kennedy’s seat, or whether there should be a special election. I favor a special election because I think my combination of level headed thinking and overpowering cuteness will carry the ticket. But, to be safe, I had scheduled a meeting with him so he would at least consider appointing me.

I do not believe that Governor Patrick will turn this into the circus that Governor Rod Blagojevich did. Governor Patrick is black and the only African-American who could pull off Blagojevich’s hairstyle was James Brown.

But, while I may be just shy of two, I am wise, and know the Governor will expect something for the appointment, which is why I am fully prepared to hump his wrist.
Last night Foley stayed up late giving me humping lessons: “Too much thrust, not enough wiggling, shake your money maker like you mean it,” that sort of thing. So that I could have someone to practice on we mixed in Ambien with Daddy’s lemonade and by 7:30 he was a compliant as Lindsay Lohan at a Redrock Music Festival. Foley spent a lot of time teaching me on our insensate Daddy except when she was barking at the TV screen over the stupid deal Jeff made on Big Brother. (Foley loves some Big Brother.)

I got to Beacon Hill an hour early for my 10:00 meeting. There were many sharply dressed men smelling like too much body wash and mouuse, with very shiny shoes that I so wanted to sniff and lick but Foley counseled me to, until the moment I got the appointment, be more man than dog, so I fought the urge.

The only non human I saw who concerned me was a fluffy white cat named Snowball sitting by the air conditioner who told me that she came from an affluent family in Arlington who lived in a house that sat on ten acres and expected to be named Senator if the Governor decided to go with a non human. I was immediately frightened knowing if the Governor had one weakness it was a white feline with a big back yard.

I was now very nervous, and the Governor had been generous in putting out several Dr. Peppers and I began to drink them one after another and you know what that leads to. I couldn’t leave because I didn’t want to miss my appointment. Plus I was loving the Dr, Peppers, so I kept drinking them. Then I was called into the Governor’s Office.
Oh the Dr. Pepper had backed up and each step I had to fully concentrate on not soiling his blue rug. He motioned for me to jump up on a chair and when I did my tummy swayed like a soda fountain on a Bering Sea crab ship. He asked me what I had to offer as Senator but all I was thinking was “Don’t pee, don’t pee, don’t pee, don’t pee.”

“Don’t pee!” I said,

“Don’t p?” The Governor asked. “Don’t p? Oh, I get it, don’t p, it’s slang for don’t play. I like that, it’s hip, it’s urban. Support Pocket: She don’t p. I think that could be a slogan we could work with. Certainly would make me look like my own man. Pocket don’t p! I like it.”

Every time he said pee I thought I would burst. I just wanted to get out of the room and find a nice couch I could pee behind. The Governor extended his hand and told me he thought I could do a lot for Massachusetts.

Then I humped him. I was so backed up the pee was blocking my ears. I couldn’t hear him. I just saw the arm and reacted.

I humped once, twice, three times.

And then I peed on his arm.

And he looked like this.

I apologized. A lot. But I don’t think it did any good. As he was showing me out he told me that he was probably just going to name a Kennedy anyway.

I was sad as I climbed down the marble stairs but when I got to the bottom I had a new idea. If he wanted a Kennedy he could have a Kennedy.

So introducing Pocket Kennedy.

The Kennedy’s have had the people of Massachusetts in their pockets for years, it’s about time a Pocket had a Kennedy.

I live near Cape Cod, I drink too much, I’ve never done an honest days work, now I hump everything I see. I am a Kennedy.

Pocket Kennedy.

For Massachusetts Senate.

Pass it on.


  1. you totally are a Kennedy Pocket, can you play touch football?

  2. Thanks designed for sharing such a fastidious thought, paragraph is fastidious, thats why i have read it entirely

    Have a look at my blog ::

  3. I used to be able to find good information from your content.

    Here is my homepage :: Click This Link

  4. A fascinating discussion is definitely worth comment. There's no doubt that that you need to write more about this issue, it might not be a taboo subject but usually folks don't speak about these topics.
    To the next! Many thanks!!

    Feel free to visit my blog - get black lab golden retriever info

  5. Hi, Neat post. There is an issue with your website in web explorer,
    may test this? IE nonetheless is the market chief and a large portion of other people will pass over your
    magnificent writing because of this problem.

    Here is my page: Full Report

  6. Simply wish to say your article is as amazing.
    The clarity in your post is just excellent and i could
    assume you are an expert on this subject. Well with your permission let me to grab your RSS feed to
    keep up to date with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please
    continue the rewarding work.

    Here is my page; outstanding english white retriever details

  7. Heya i'm for the first time here. I came across this board and I find It truly useful & it helped me out much. I hope to give something back and help others like you aided me.

    Here is my page - Useful Link

  8. Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you writing this article and also the
    rest of the website is also really good.

    Also visit my homepage: outstanding mini goldendoodle breeders info

  9. Excellent blog you have here but I was curious about if
    you knew of any discussion boards that cover the same topics talked
    about in this article? I'd really like to be a part of group where I can get responses from other knowledgeable individuals that share the same interest. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Thanks a lot!

    Visit my website: handy golden lab mix content

  10. I think that everything published was actually very reasonable.
    But, think about this, what if you wrote a catchier
    post title? I am not saying your information isn't good., but suppose you added a post title that grabbed a person's attention?
    I mean "My meeting with the Governor does not go exactly as planned" is kinda plain.

    You might peek at Yahoo's home page and see how they write news titles to grab viewers to click. You might try adding a video or a related picture or two to grab readers excited about everything've written.

    In my opinion, it could bring your website a little livelier.

    Here is my page Excellent golden Retriever Traits details

  11. Hello there, just became alert to your blog through Google, and found that it's truly informative. I am going to watch out for brussels. I will be grateful if you continue this in future. Lots of people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

    Also visit my web site - golden lab retriever

  12. You're so cool! I do not think I have read through anything like this before. So nice to find somebody with a few original thoughts on this subject. Really.. thank you for starting this up. This web site is something that is needed on the internet, someone with some originality!

    my page; check my source

  13. Thanks very nice blog!

    Feel free to visit my weblog Learn More Here

  14. When I originally commented I clicked the "Notify me when new comments are added" checkbox and now each
    time a comment is added I get three emails
    with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service?

    Look into my site - labrador retriever golden

  15. Every weekend i used to pay a visit this web site, for the reason that i
    wish for enjoyment, as this this web page conations in fact good funny information

    My webpage ... Read Full Article


Poetry Thursday

  Larry, the wooden zebra, did not want to be rude. But he was at a bizarre interlude. There was someone who mounted him, giving him a l...