Foley: Today our Mommy had her tooth out. It was tooth number 14. I don’t know why humans number their teeth. I name mine. There’s Stewie, Brian, Peter, Quagmire. Two years ago Meg and Joe were stolen by the tooth fairy while I was getting mouth surgery. Revenge shall be mine.
Pocket: Mommy always takes care of us when we’re not feeling well so we decided to work in shifts taking care of her when she got home. She came in with the side of her face a little puffy. She hooked me up and took me outside where I peed (SCORE) and then I came back in.
Foley: I was going to follow them downstairs. I got about four steps down and the bright sun was coming through the sun roof and I figured I would just lie there for a second and it so warmed my fur and my eyes began to flutter and then I slowly drifted off, which was understandable, as I had been awake almost 40 seconds.
Pocket: I came back inside and got my treat. I jumped on the back of the couch and looked outside where there was nothing. HAH AH! I had scared everything away. But they would be back when they think I’m off duty and start walking on my lawn and across my pavement and then I would announce my presence with authority.
Foley: I was in dreamland, running with Tanner; checking out books at the library with Hobo; visiting the Museum of Fine arts with Zoey; licking Popsicles with Tadertot; drinking Mai-Tai’s with Chase and Gucci; dancing the tango with Luca, and chasing the mailman with Pepsi.
Pocket: I saw Mama go to the refrigerator and get some ice for her puffy face. She sat in the recliner and lifted her legs and laid back. I was sure Foley was with her. If I went over there she would just snap at me and chase me off so I might as well stay ensconced in my position.
Foley: I awoke from my busy afternoon in dreamland. I needed a nap. Then I remembered Mama. She was probably sitting down there stroking Pocket. I should got down there and chase her off. But the sun was now hitting my blanket at the end of the bed. I love a warm blanket. I decided to give Pocket her day in the sun while I spent mine lying in the sun.
Pocket: That guy going to get his mail, I think that’s Glen Beck. Hey, hey Glen, stop freaking out the elderly. Oh, it’s Franks and Beans. Oh, there’s the sinister Chiuhuah. I hate that thing. Hey Chihuaha. (Fowl language redacted). Hey Foley, come over here and look at the Chihuaha.
Foley: There I am, trying to rest, when I hear Pocket barking, when she’s supposed to be with Momma. Now I have to leave my spot and go downstairs. I reach the landing and poor Momma is all alone while Suzie Pees-a-lot is barking out the window. Well Pocket had enough time with Momma, I am taking my spot now.
Pocket: Foley wasn’t sitting with Momma. She must of got up to go to lay in the sun. Man, she would miss her va-jay-jay if it wasn’t at the end of her tongue. I was going to take this opportunity to climb into Momma’s warm lap. I hopped off the couch and lay down.
Foley: I came downstairs and there was Pocket on her lap. Well enough of that. I jumped up, growled and snapped at her.
Pocket: So she comes back downstairs after sitting with Momma all day and she wants to snap at me! I snapped right back Jack.
Foley: What? She thinks this lap is her lap. Time to fight.
Momma: I picked Foley up and pushed Pocket away. I told them both if they couldn’t sit with me when I needed them then I didn’t want them sitting with me now. They both got down. Pocket sat on the couch and Foley in the other recliner.
Foley: I don’t believe this. I gave Pocket one little thing to do and she screws it up.
Pocket: I don’t believe this. I gave Foley one little thing to do and she screws it up.
Foley and Pocket: Sisters!
Momma: Maybe I’ll get a cat.
Are you a trip hazard? Have your parents ever tripped over you? How often? Did anyone get injured
Last year Pocket and I went to see a marvelous show called Jersey Boys. In it the character of the bassist for the Four Seasons, Nick Mas...