Smoochy is our July 29, 2012 Pup of the Week

For those of us who are lucky enough to know Smoochy there isn’t a better friend to have in the world.  He is there to pick us up when we are down, to make us smile when we are sad, to make us feel loved when we’re lonely.  Earlier this summer he almost had his ticket to the Bridge punched when he choked on a small ball.  His Mom and the Bridge Angels saved him that day.

But shortly after that he got more bad news.  He had a lump on his skin that proved to be cancerous.  Oh poor Smoochy!  He was like a pup in one of the Final Destination films.  But not once did Smoochy ask about himself or whisper a bark of self pity.  During the vigils and services for Moose, Molly and Sierra he came to our chapel to pray everyday and never asked for himself.

But Smoochy certainly had problems that needed the Lord’s attention.  He needed surgery, the sooner the better.  Unfortunately the doctor did not want to do the surgery with Smoochy in a weak state.  To build up his strength Smoochy needed to eat.  But he was so sad for his friends, and so worried, that Smoochy was too sick to eat.
And each time he checked on friends he never asked for prayers to give him an appetite.

But when word leaked out of the Great Lakes region that Smoochy was not eating he sure got prayers.  We all prayed as hard as we could and sent hunger thoughts to him.

This week the doctor decided Smoochy was strong enough for the surgery.  He got brought in and we all gathered in the cathedral to pray for him.  His Mom let us know that he came through the surgery fine and the margins were good.

Except there was one problem.  Smoochy was not waking up.  I think it was because he spent so much time worrying about his friends and mourning them that he wasn’t sleeping as well as not eating.  So when the doctor gave him his sleeping juice he decided it was time for a long nap.

But to us all we knew was that our friend Smoochy was not waking up and this made us very scared.  Friends went up to the hospital and tried to tug on his ears and nudge him but nothing happened.  His Mom came to see him but not even she could wake him up.  He needed to stay at the hospital that night and it broke his Mom’s heart and worried us even more.

The entire next day we were all consumed with worry.  Finally word came that Smoochy had finally woke up.

The doctor thinks he’s was able to remove all the cancer.  And he doesn’t think that he will have any ill effects from his long nap.  So this was a much needed story for this summer.  A dog that had been diagnosed with the dreaded c, had an operation, had complications, and is now home safe.

So we salute our great friend Smoochy for the second time this year for avoiding the bridge.  Twice is a lot for one dog my friend I think you need a long period of good health.  So stay happy and healthy Smoochy, we love you.

And long may you run.  

Tonight on the Foley Monster Court: Pocket vs Neely

What you are about to witness is real.  The cases are real.  The litigants are real with cases pending in civil court.  They have decided to have their case settled in our forum, the Foley Monster court in front of Judge Foley Monster.  This it the Foley Monster Court.

Voice over:  This is the plaintiff, Miss Pocket Dog.  She is claiming her home was invaded by a strange pooch that had disrupted her life, played with her toys, and pounced on her head.  She is fed up with the stranger and wants him out of her life.  This is the defendant Neely Puppy.  His family left him at this strange place and he’s just trying to make the best of it.  He didn’t mean to bother Pocket but he just wants to play.  He’s a puppy and he is filled with puppy energy,  And he didn’t ask to come to Pocket’s house.  She is being accused of being a unneighborly Neely.

*Foley Monster comes in wearing a robe and sits on the judge’s bench.  The Bird that she has hired as her ballif tells her the parties have been sworn in, hands Foley a docket and tells her the case is Pocker Dog v Neely Pup.*

Foley Monster:   Now it’s my understanding that Pocket, you feel that Neely has come into your home and disrupted your life, and Neely you feel that you are just as much of a victim because your Mom dropped you off with no warning and no toys.  Now, Miss Pocket, you can begin.

Pocket:  I have been invaded.  I was living happily and peacefully being the household wild child when suddenly Neely moved in and has not only taken over my role, and my toys, but has snapped at me and been rude to me.

Foley Monster.   And what say you Neely?
Neely:  Hi!  Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.  Ball!

Pocket:  Your honor do you see what I mean?  This is what I have been having to deal with.

Foley Monster:  Mr Neely can you get yourself under control?

Neely:  Yes your honor.  Hey look what I can do,  Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark.

Foley Monster:  Mr Neely if you cannot control yourself I am going to have you  removed and find for the plaintiff do you understand?

*Neely looks at her with a blank expression on his face.*

Pocket:  This is exactly what I mean your honor.  He doesn’t know the meaning of anything:    Down, sit, come, stay.  He’s just a wild, untameable beast.

Foley Monster:  But he is a guest in your house.

Pocket:  I know but he is playing with my things and chasing my balls.  He nips at my face when I am sitting with Mommy.  He barks at me with those giant teeth of his.  When Daddy came home Tuesday I stood up and Neely stood up and he ended up pinning me against the wall like I was a Wall Street protester.  I think he’s a bad seed

Foley Monster:  All right Neely tell me your side.

Neely:  I was minding my own business Saturday when Mommy and my two little girls put me in the car.  I was thinking great, car trip.  But then they brought me to this house with these two strange dogs one of whom did nothing but bark at me.  And then my Mommy and my girls leave me!  Well, I wasn’t going to sit and sulk.  If Mommy goes away, a pups gotta play.  I didn’t know why they were leaving me.  But your house seemed kind of boring and I figured you needed a rush of puppy energy.  So I provided it.  I was considering starting a brand new business.  Puppy madness:  Bringing puppy energy into a staid home.  But if you don’t appreciate it I could pack up my kit bag and go.

Foley:  I am sorry Mr. Neely but you were left at our house because your Mommy, Daddy and the girls went on vacation.

Neely:  Without me?

Foley:  Sorry.  It’s a hard world for us dogs sometimes.  But at least you got to go to a nice house and treated like a prince.  Mommy and Daddy even bought you new chew toys.

Neely:  Sorry, your honor, I thought I was supposed to be full of energy.

Pocket:  Your honor he pounced on my head.

Neely:  That’s not my fault your honor.  I live with a boxer.  I have to be all jumpy and pouncy to get her attention.  I didn’t mean to land on your head.  Sometimes I just don’t know my own pounce.

Foley Monster:  Is there anything else Pocket?

Pocket:  He wakes us up early in the morning with her barking.

Foley:  I am not going to listen to to that.    Daddy is the one who has to take him out then he puts him back in the crate while we stay in our warm bed.

Pocket:  He chases my balls.

Foley:  Yes, but Daddy hides your red ball so Neely doesn’t touch that and you don ‘t care about your other balls.  And when Mommy showers she puts Neely in the bathroom with her so you have some ball time alone.

Pocket:  He has messed in the house three times.

Foley:  You have messed in the house twice and he’s still a puppy.

Neely:  And Foley you messed in the house too.

Foley:  That wasn’t a mess it was a political statement about the suffering in Darfur.
Anything else Pocket?

Pocket:  I don’t like, when I am sitting in my chair, he comes up with his big giant head and barks at me.

Foley:  Neely, are you going to stop doing that?

Neely:  I will try your honor.

Foley:  Is there anything else?

Pocket:  No ma’am.

Foley:  Then I am ready to make my ruling.  Neely, you are guilty as charged.

Neely:  But why?

Foley:  Do you remember what happened Monday, in the living room, in the corner, by your crate?.

Neely;  You mean when I mounted and humped you?

Foley:  That is right.  Nobody humps Foley in a corner.  Case closed.  *Foley hops off the bench and leaves the room.*

Neely:  Can I appeal?  Can I?

*Pocket puts a paw on Neely’s shoulder.*

Pocket:  Trust me Neely.  I have been trying for four years but you can’t fight City Kitty Vagina Condo.  Just remember an important rule.  Don’t hump the judge, don’t hump the judge.

*Pocket and Neely walk out the door together.  They got on the other side of the door, bump one another, and begin snarling and biting.

Neely is Here

Neely is here.  This is a picture of him showing respect by kissing my ring
I know I asked some of you to come here because I was outnumbered and I never picked one so I am asking you all to come as quickly as you can.  This could be a tough week.

I thought Pocket would be playing with Neely all the time but guess what?  She hates Neely.  She barks at him all the time with her tail up.  She then trembles and tries to hide behind one of us.  She has been glued to Daddy's side and when Neely approaches she growls at him. 

Me?  I have dealt with worse.  He misses his family and I'm used to having other dogs in the house.  Except for Bailey this is Pocket's first other dog and she's jealous.  Should be a fun week.  I promise to keep you all informed. 

Our pee is powerful. Is urine?

We have bunnies!  Oh not the cute ones that live in a cage just outside your house and wiggle their noses when you feed them carrots.  These are the wild ones that hop across your yard and eat Mommy’s flowers.

Now our Mommy has busted her butt on her flower gardens.  Really she has!  She was watering her flowers the other day, backed up, fell down, and landed on the cement dividers between the gardens.  Today she had to get a shot in her rectum to deaden the pain.  She was supposed to get a shot in the neck but when the doctor saw her he said she needed a shot in the butt proving a pain in the neck is no match for a pain in the ass.

Pocket and I decided that, if Mommy’s garden meant so much to her, and the bunnies were eating her buds, we needed to do something about the garden.  But Mommy insisted that we could not go outside and hunt them down, which is like the 12th thing we were put on this Earth for.  We tried sitting on the arm of the recliner and bark at them when they arrived but that is such a snuggle spot we soon fell asleep.  Then we ordered up some shotguns and sat on the porch like Elmer Fudd firing at the varmints but then the neighbors began to complain because our aim was slightly off.  Shoot one old person and a whole village turns against you.    

Then we had Mommy put us in our stroller and we sat near the garden waiting for the bunny.  When it appeared we barked our most ferocious barks.  The bunny looked up at us.  “Hey, you guys are in a stroller,” he said.  “How cute.”

He then went back to eating Mommy’s buds and we barked even more ferocious barks.  The bunny stopped, looked at us, and then began to taunt us because we couldn’t get him.  He shook his butt at us and danced around our stroller.  We were rocking and rolling in it but couldn’t knock it on him.  When Mommy came out we were both so upset because we didn’t scare that bunny at all.    I suggested a ScarePocket but no one listened.

Then Mommy told us something very interesting.  One way to protect your garden from varmints is with pee so Mommy told us that we could either go out and buy pee or Pocket and I could use our pee.  Finally, Pocket’s never ending flow of pee is worth something.

We promised Mommy we would drink up a bunch of water and pee all across the garden’s border.  Daddy promised too but after Pocket shot the old guy we are on triple secret probation with the Pruned people and we can’t let him do that.  So now we are the mighty pee warriors of the neighborhood.

We’ll see if that bunny keeps coming to our garden or if it is pissed off.  If you would like to help us in keeping our garden free of varmints please feel free to urinate in a manilla envelope and send it to us.  We promise to do the same.

In fact look for Pocket and Foley Monster pee coming to your better varmint prevention stores near you.

Kaizer is our June 15, 2012 pup of the week

I think we can all agree that we have been hit with a long streak of bad luck.  Friends flying to the bridge like frightened birds from a tree.,  We’ve prayed together, cried together, mourned together.  And there are sure to be more sad days to come.

But let’s take a moment to celebrate some good news.  For every friend we lose to the bridge we welcome a new friend and none are more important than those who were rescued.  Which is why I want to take today to celebrate Mr. Z, the K-man, Kaizer, new brother of Chey, living in the house where the legendary dog Baron, also known as Bear, once roamed.

We first started hearing rumors that Chey’s mother Auntie Monica was thinking of adding another German Shepard to the family way back in April.  She became aware of a GSD who was being fostered by a group called MOGS (does that mean Monster?) and she visited him and Kaizer looked at her and said “I want this Mommy.”  Of course there was so much more to it than that.  There were visits, troublesome home visits, and the biggest question, how would Chey like a new brother?

Auntie Monica is a very smart puppy Mom so the first night she brought Kaizer home she put him in a crate.  (There was some talk of changing his name to Chance but a Kaizer is a Kaizer.)  The next morning Chey and Kaizer were introduced and they played like old friends.  (Of course, not wanting to take a chance, Auntie Monica wisely kept the muzzle on Kaizer until they became better acquainted.)

Auntie Monica tried it without the muzzle and there was some snipping back and forth but Chey let him know who was boss and Kaizer came away with a little cut over and his eye and a lesson learned,  Soon they were sleeping in the living room together, one on the couch and another on the comforter,  

And Auntie Monica was doing her best to put all those bad things that happened in the past out of Kaizer’s had.  When she took him to where he had been boarded before they met the staff was amazed at how calm Kazier had become.  He even let the owner’s eight year old daughter walk him which he had never done before.


She even pulled off the very hard task of getting them to eat together without attacking one another, something our Mommy has not figured out with Pocket and I.  Like all Moms who adopt, especially ones that have a dog at home, Auntie Monica had a crisis of confidence not knowing if she was doing the right thing bringing Kaizer home, but it soon passed.  Anyway, there wasn’t much she could do, Kaizer did pick her.

She still had to work on all the tough things to make Kaizer a house dog.  Giving him a few rooms at a time to stay in when he was alone.  But Kaizer passed the tests, except for a random couch cushion and we are not sure who we are blaming that on.  Could have been a burgular.

When Kaizer was boarded during the day Chey missed her little brother and was so happy when he got home.  A pack, a family, was born.  And Auntie Monica soon realized that she needed to train Kaizer so he could stay with her family when she was out because, one day, when she picked him up, she realized he thought he had been abandoned, and it broke her heart.  (Nice play Kaizer, you learn quickly.)

Auntie Monica is still working on Kaizer.  He has been peeing in his crate and that needs to be corrected.  But he is also picking up so much.  Being able to go on car rides with his sister was a big step.

So thank you Auntie Monica because each day us original members of DS who are still there, or have splintered into other smaller groups are getting older and we are going to need dogs to carry on in our spirit, and our memory, so we are never forgotten, and our Moms stay friends forever.

I can’t think of anyone better to lead us in the future than Kaizer.  And think you Auntie Monica and Chey for turning him into such a wonderful dog.

SFL wanted

Starting late next week the delicate structure of power I have worked so hard to maintain is going to be overturned when our puppy cousin Neely comes to stay with us for a week.  This is him.  
Yes, I know, all eyes, tongue and tail.  Just a little ball of excitement.

Neely will be the sibling Pocket always wanted, someone to run with, play with, get yelled at with  And that is where the balance of power gets upset.  Mommy and I like to sit and watch, perhaps move a little bit to lick our hindquarters, then settle down again.  But Daddy and Pocket like to play, throwing balls, chasing one another, it is a bother.

But the balance of power is swayed to the calmness preferred  by Mommy and me because Daddy is like Puerto Rico at the Republican convention.  He gets to caucus, and vote, but no one pays attention and it doesn’t count.  I did have one request before I allowed Neely into our house.  His naughty bits must be disposed of.

Last week the vet chopped off his little manhood and put it into a small ziplock bag.  Thank the Rainbow Bridge Warriors I won’t have to put up with that thing.  A senior dog should never have to put up with a pup with a freshly minted red rocket.  It’s like Helen Mirren snuggling with Justin Beiber:  Disgusting.

Now there are some things I am going to have to get straight with this kid.  He isn’t Orkie the Yorkie, he doesn’t know I’m famous, I doubt he even reads.  So number one my Daddy’s mouth is mine first, Pocket’s second, and if he has any lips left Neely can take a shot.  (I am suspicious of Neely because every time Daddy returns home from his house Daddy’s lip has swollen three times in size.)

Then there is the question of walks.  While we are all small, and can be walked at the same time, I think it is a bad idea.  Simply put there are a lot of old folks living here and the three of us are going to be unbelievably cute together.  It is a little know fact that overwhelming cuteness is the number three cause of death amongst the elderly and I do not need dead bodies carelessly strewn about as we walk.  Neely needs to understand Mommy’s lap is mine, unless I get too warm and want to lie on the floor, and even then I reserve the right to chase him off if I don’t like him sitting there.
I understand he sleeps in a crate at home.  This is excellent, barbaric but excellent.  I didn’t mind Bailey in the bed because she just climbed down to the end of the bed and never moved until I was so concerned I would hold my tongue in front of her nose to make sure she was still breathing.

In short, what I need to keep the delicate balance of power tipped to peace is an older dog.  I am looking for a SFL (single female lollipop) who likes to snuggle, sleep, peacefully spend the day, and won’t be caught up in silly puppy games.  They would spend one week with me and have all the benefits of being a Foley Monster including full you use of the leopard skin vagina condo, the jacuzzi, Mom’s lap and the bed.Please leave me a comment if you are interested  in having the most fun, and peaceful week with me and I will let the winner know.

Thank you