Unlucky Cousin Neely by River Song

When we left you, Pocket said that something happened last week that changed us in a very personal and profound manner.  Cousin Neely came to spend a week with us.

Don’t let his looks fool you.  He is very ill-mannered. He took my place as Daddy’s face licker.  First I licked, then Pocket licked.  When Neely moved in he face licked so much, I became uncomfortable.  Please, get a room.  Human face licking is fun to do but gross to watch.

He also helped himself to my toys whenever he wanted.  When I felt like being reasonable, I understood.  He was brought to our house with none of his favorite toys.  That is because he is Mommy’s Daughter’s dog.  When a pet parent asks a friend to look after their dog, they bring everything the dog needs, when it’s their parents they bring just enough food to make it last, no treats, no toys, and no personal items.  

My parents did respect our boundaries.  Neely was fed in another room, he was taken outside separately, when I had my treat bone he was put in his crate, and he was left home when we went on walks, which was partially respect for us and mostly because Neely is not used to being walked on a leash and would have zipped and zagged us into oncoming traffic and certain doom.

There was something else that Neely brought with him in abundance:  Bad luck

You might also remember that Pocket blogged about our air conditioner not working.  The men came to fix it Wednesday morning.   When the system was installed in 2015, the man said it did not need a filter.  Two years later a new man asked: “did you put a filter in?”  Mommy keeps all the records, and she showed the man the contract and where it said that the installer put in the filter.  The man installed one.  Daddy asked if the lack of a filter damaged the unit.  The man said no.  Ha!

The man got the air conditioner turned on, and it ran for a good six hours before freezing up again.  Two men returned the next morning.  They were in and out of the house, causing us dogs to bark and run up to them.  When they weren’t doing that they were sitting on the grass reading the manual that came with the unit wearing their “we don’t know what is wrong with this thing” face.  After several hours they said they would have to order a part "that didn't sound right."  They left and a short time later the air conditioner gave out one final cold breath.

Neely the Unlucky had brought a lot of heat with him.  It was 90 degrees inside our home when Daddy brought home a small air conditioner to make the living room comfortable.  We were grateful it was there, but our bedroom was still hot.  We haven’t been doing a lot of snuggling this week.

Mommy and Daddy had put Neely’s crate in the front room, which ended up being furthest from the air conditioner, so they moved him to the living room when we went to sleep, which means he was asleep in the coolest room in the house.  I wouldn’t trade the big bed for a cooler room, but I still think we got ripped off.

The people who can’t fix air conditioner told Mom on Friday that they would be fixing the unit Wednesday because they were taking four days off to help them celebrate the Birth of our Country as a place where plumbers can install things wrong, leave you hot, and have a barbecue.  I bet you George Washington didn’t stand for it when his AC went out.

Neely went home Tuesday morning.  When he came to our house, we were told he was a dumb dog had accidents in the house.  While he was with us he never had an accident.  My parents tried to teach his parents that they can’t let Neely graze on his food all day long, and they can’t open the back door and let him run out to do his business and then let him run back in because he doesn’t complete all his business.  All we can do is hope his parents listened.

Wednesday morning the men returned and said this time the problem was a leak.  They promised to come back the next day.  When they did they pronounced that the unit had a leak and would have to be replaced.  Lord knows when that will happen.  

Until then our long, hot summer courtesy of Unlucky Neely will continue.  

Our Cousin Riley is Moving on and Moving Up

This is the story of my cousin Riley who moved away.  Riley has blogged now and then, when his sister Bailey went to the Bridge, when Neely joined the Brigade, when his sister/Mom Maddie hurt her leg and was sad that she couldn’t dance.  Now Riley has moved on to a new forever home.

There were some problems with Riley.  She was a mismatched dog in the wrong house.  Riley is a boxer who needs lots of exercise not to be crazy house dog.  But with two working parents and two young humans in the house Riley didn’t get that exercise time and she became crazy house dog.

Then there is our eight year old granddaughter Meghan, who does not like to be called Mini Mae (which her soccer coach calls her), or Meggie Mayhem because she causes so much mayhem (we stole this from Cocoa’s Mom) or Fred, which Daddy calls her because she doesn’t like being called Fred and he’s the kind of Papa who likes to make his little granddaughters mad and then wonder why he has teeth marks on his arm, she has allergies that are caused by pet dander.  While Neely is hypoallergenic, as well as being freaking hyper, he does not cause Meghan to sneeze or make her eyes water,or to bloat up like the Stay Puff Marshmallow man, it was determined that Riley did, through no fault of her own, those thing to happen.

There also were problems between Riley and Neely.  Riley is a big dog, a Boxer, and Neely is a small dog, a Shih Tzu, and, as is so often the case, the little dog was scaring the living Vick out of the big dog.  Since Neely arrived in the home in April he has been cited several times by Judge Grey Hound for dog on dog crime including humping Riley while she was lying in the sun and often mistaking Riley’s leg for his chew toy, which the big girl took in good humor, but she started to lose fur around her ankles.

Finally at the end of last week, given the problems with Meghan’s health, and Riley not being able to reach his full dog potential with his current family, Riley’s parents began to look for a new home for her.  Much like with Molly Mae she found a home with two boys who would like nothing more to play with her, another big dog in the house, and parents with time to give them long walks.

We didn’t spend a lot of time with Riley.  I think we spent one night.   She didn’t bother us much.  She drove Mommy a little crazy.  Whenever my parents were at their house for supper Riley would go under the table, find Mommy, bury her face in her crotch and let loose a week full of slobber.  Mommy would stand up with a dripping crotch and everyone would say “Oh Mommy!” and she would say that Riley had slobbered all over her but on one believed that.  I think she did it to Daddy too but he enjoyed it.

So now Neely is an only dog and Riley is on to her new life.  I know it was the right decision for everyone involved (even though Pocket is more paranoid about Neely than ever, thinking if he can get rid of a big dog he liked what could he do with a little dog like Pocket?)  

But don’t forget your little Yorkie cousins Riley.  You will always be in our heart.  

Tonight on the Foley Monster Court: Pocket vs Neely

What you are about to witness is real.  The cases are real.  The litigants are real with cases pending in civil court.  They have decided to have their case settled in our forum, the Foley Monster court in front of Judge Foley Monster.  This it the Foley Monster Court.

Voice over:  This is the plaintiff, Miss Pocket Dog.  She is claiming her home was invaded by a strange pooch that had disrupted her life, played with her toys, and pounced on her head.  She is fed up with the stranger and wants him out of her life.  This is the defendant Neely Puppy.  His family left him at this strange place and he’s just trying to make the best of it.  He didn’t mean to bother Pocket but he just wants to play.  He’s a puppy and he is filled with puppy energy,  And he didn’t ask to come to Pocket’s house.  She is being accused of being a unneighborly Neely.

*Foley Monster comes in wearing a robe and sits on the judge’s bench.  The Bird that she has hired as her ballif tells her the parties have been sworn in, hands Foley a docket and tells her the case is Pocker Dog v Neely Pup.*

Foley Monster:   Now it’s my understanding that Pocket, you feel that Neely has come into your home and disrupted your life, and Neely you feel that you are just as much of a victim because your Mom dropped you off with no warning and no toys.  Now, Miss Pocket, you can begin.

Pocket:  I have been invaded.  I was living happily and peacefully being the household wild child when suddenly Neely moved in and has not only taken over my role, and my toys, but has snapped at me and been rude to me.

Foley Monster.   And what say you Neely?
Neely:  Hi!  Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.  Ball!

Pocket:  Your honor do you see what I mean?  This is what I have been having to deal with.

Foley Monster:  Mr Neely can you get yourself under control?

Neely:  Yes your honor.  Hey look what I can do,  Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark.

Foley Monster:  Mr Neely if you cannot control yourself I am going to have you  removed and find for the plaintiff do you understand?

*Neely looks at her with a blank expression on his face.*

Pocket:  This is exactly what I mean your honor.  He doesn’t know the meaning of anything:    Down, sit, come, stay.  He’s just a wild, untameable beast.

Foley Monster:  But he is a guest in your house.

Pocket:  I know but he is playing with my things and chasing my balls.  He nips at my face when I am sitting with Mommy.  He barks at me with those giant teeth of his.  When Daddy came home Tuesday I stood up and Neely stood up and he ended up pinning me against the wall like I was a Wall Street protester.  I think he’s a bad seed

Foley Monster:  All right Neely tell me your side.

Neely:  I was minding my own business Saturday when Mommy and my two little girls put me in the car.  I was thinking great, car trip.  But then they brought me to this house with these two strange dogs one of whom did nothing but bark at me.  And then my Mommy and my girls leave me!  Well, I wasn’t going to sit and sulk.  If Mommy goes away, a pups gotta play.  I didn’t know why they were leaving me.  But your house seemed kind of boring and I figured you needed a rush of puppy energy.  So I provided it.  I was considering starting a brand new business.  Puppy madness:  Bringing puppy energy into a staid home.  But if you don’t appreciate it I could pack up my kit bag and go.

Foley:  I am sorry Mr. Neely but you were left at our house because your Mommy, Daddy and the girls went on vacation.

Neely:  Without me?

Foley:  Sorry.  It’s a hard world for us dogs sometimes.  But at least you got to go to a nice house and treated like a prince.  Mommy and Daddy even bought you new chew toys.

Neely:  Sorry, your honor, I thought I was supposed to be full of energy.

Pocket:  Your honor he pounced on my head.

Neely:  That’s not my fault your honor.  I live with a boxer.  I have to be all jumpy and pouncy to get her attention.  I didn’t mean to land on your head.  Sometimes I just don’t know my own pounce.

Foley Monster:  Is there anything else Pocket?

Pocket:  He wakes us up early in the morning with her barking.

Foley:  I am not going to listen to to that.    Daddy is the one who has to take him out then he puts him back in the crate while we stay in our warm bed.

Pocket:  He chases my balls.

Foley:  Yes, but Daddy hides your red ball so Neely doesn’t touch that and you don ‘t care about your other balls.  And when Mommy showers she puts Neely in the bathroom with her so you have some ball time alone.

Pocket:  He has messed in the house three times.

Foley:  You have messed in the house twice and he’s still a puppy.

Neely:  And Foley you messed in the house too.

Foley:  That wasn’t a mess it was a political statement about the suffering in Darfur.
Anything else Pocket?

Pocket:  I don’t like, when I am sitting in my chair, he comes up with his big giant head and barks at me.

Foley:  Neely, are you going to stop doing that?

Neely:  I will try your honor.

Foley:  Is there anything else?

Pocket:  No ma’am.

Foley:  Then I am ready to make my ruling.  Neely, you are guilty as charged.

Neely:  But why?

Foley:  Do you remember what happened Monday, in the living room, in the corner, by your crate?.

Neely;  You mean when I mounted and humped you?

Foley:  That is right.  Nobody humps Foley in a corner.  Case closed.  *Foley hops off the bench and leaves the room.*

Neely:  Can I appeal?  Can I?

*Pocket puts a paw on Neely’s shoulder.*

Pocket:  Trust me Neely.  I have been trying for four years but you can’t fight City Kitty Vagina Condo.  Just remember an important rule.  Don’t hump the judge, don’t hump the judge.

*Pocket and Neely walk out the door together.  They got on the other side of the door, bump one another, and begin snarling and biting.

Neely is Here

Neely is here.  This is a picture of him showing respect by kissing my ring
I know I asked some of you to come here because I was outnumbered and I never picked one so I am asking you all to come as quickly as you can.  This could be a tough week.

I thought Pocket would be playing with Neely all the time but guess what?  She hates Neely.  She barks at him all the time with her tail up.  She then trembles and tries to hide behind one of us.  She has been glued to Daddy's side and when Neely approaches she growls at him. 

Me?  I have dealt with worse.  He misses his family and I'm used to having other dogs in the house.  Except for Bailey this is Pocket's first other dog and she's jealous.  Should be a fun week.  I promise to keep you all informed. 

SFL wanted

Starting late next week the delicate structure of power I have worked so hard to maintain is going to be overturned when our puppy cousin Neely comes to stay with us for a week.  This is him.  
Yes, I know, all eyes, tongue and tail.  Just a little ball of excitement.

Neely will be the sibling Pocket always wanted, someone to run with, play with, get yelled at with  And that is where the balance of power gets upset.  Mommy and I like to sit and watch, perhaps move a little bit to lick our hindquarters, then settle down again.  But Daddy and Pocket like to play, throwing balls, chasing one another, it is a bother.

But the balance of power is swayed to the calmness preferred  by Mommy and me because Daddy is like Puerto Rico at the Republican convention.  He gets to caucus, and vote, but no one pays attention and it doesn’t count.  I did have one request before I allowed Neely into our house.  His naughty bits must be disposed of.

Last week the vet chopped off his little manhood and put it into a small ziplock bag.  Thank the Rainbow Bridge Warriors I won’t have to put up with that thing.  A senior dog should never have to put up with a pup with a freshly minted red rocket.  It’s like Helen Mirren snuggling with Justin Beiber:  Disgusting.

Now there are some things I am going to have to get straight with this kid.  He isn’t Orkie the Yorkie, he doesn’t know I’m famous, I doubt he even reads.  So number one my Daddy’s mouth is mine first, Pocket’s second, and if he has any lips left Neely can take a shot.  (I am suspicious of Neely because every time Daddy returns home from his house Daddy’s lip has swollen three times in size.)

Then there is the question of walks.  While we are all small, and can be walked at the same time, I think it is a bad idea.  Simply put there are a lot of old folks living here and the three of us are going to be unbelievably cute together.  It is a little know fact that overwhelming cuteness is the number three cause of death amongst the elderly and I do not need dead bodies carelessly strewn about as we walk.  Neely needs to understand Mommy’s lap is mine, unless I get too warm and want to lie on the floor, and even then I reserve the right to chase him off if I don’t like him sitting there.
I understand he sleeps in a crate at home.  This is excellent, barbaric but excellent.  I didn’t mind Bailey in the bed because she just climbed down to the end of the bed and never moved until I was so concerned I would hold my tongue in front of her nose to make sure she was still breathing.

In short, what I need to keep the delicate balance of power tipped to peace is an older dog.  I am looking for a SFL (single female lollipop) who likes to snuggle, sleep, peacefully spend the day, and won’t be caught up in silly puppy games.  They would spend one week with me and have all the benefits of being a Foley Monster including full you use of the leopard skin vagina condo, the jacuzzi, Mom’s lap and the bed.Please leave me a comment if you are interested  in having the most fun, and peaceful week with me and I will let the winner know.

Thank you

What's Happneing in Monsterville

There have been lots of doings around my castle lately and while it has cost me lap time I haven’t minded, but it’s starting to gnaw at my infinite patience. As some of you may have learned on Riley’s blog on TB we have a new member of our extended family. My human sister Kim, who was my bestie’s Bailey’s Mom, got picked out by a little male Shih Tzu named Neely to be his Mom.

I must admit he is a cute little thing. He is going to stay with us in July and that’s when the real test will be. I take a backseat to no interloper in the cuteness department. And Mommy’s lap is mine if I want it. If Neely hasn’t been fixed yet and tries anything funny he’s got a nip of a surprise waiting for him. But may I say to him my casa is Sue’s cases. So consider yourself at home. But if you wander into my leopard skin vagina condo the fur is going to fly.

Now you would think, for my sister Kim’s family, that would be enough of a story line, even in May sweeps. But my sweet grandbaby Maddie had her knee pop out of place Sunday. They took her to the human hospital where they had to wait forever to find out what they were going to do, which wasn’t much, pain meds and an immobilizer. Mommy and Daddy stayed up way past our bedtime waiting for news of. I was very cranky, because I want to go to sleep at bedtime, but I was a worried grand Yorkie too. She should be fine but she has a dance recital during Father’s Day weekend. She is 11 and was going to get her five year trophy. So, if you have some spare prayers can you throw some her way? She has been working on this dance for so long it would be a shame if she couldn’t take part in the recital.

Our human brother Chad got inducted into his high school’s Hall of Fame Saturday night. (Note to myself: Why isn’t there a Dog’s Hall of Fame and if there is why am I not in it?) He got inducted for playing baseball. I never saw him play in high school. I did see him play some semi-pro ball at a nice field in Easton Ma, that had a huge spreading chestnut field in the middle of centerfield. He once hit a ball clear over that tree. It was the furthest thing I ever saw struck. I also saw him hit a line drive right off the pitcher’s noggin. I looked at Mommy and said “that boy’s dead.” He wasn’t though. He got up and fell down a lot but he wasn’t dead. The only dead guy I’ve ever seen is that one in Reno I killed just to watch him die.


My big sister at the Bridge Blake went to a lot of his games when Chad was at High School. Once, at Harvard Stadium, it was so hot Mommy and Daddy had to hold Blake up to the car air conditioner until she stopped panting. Another time there was a foul ball falling down right on top of Mommy and Blake, who was in her lap. Daddy, and one of his friends, saw the falling ball and got the hell out of the way running for their lives. The ball missed Mommy by about an inch. She still hasn’t let Daddy forget that.

Chad made Mommy feel good singling her out for all she did for him which was very nice of him. Pocket and I give him two tips of the tail for that. Even though he took away a lot of Saturday night lap time we forgive him.

Mommy and Daddy have spent lots of time outside working under our supervision on the lawn. Some of the prune people have come by to say how much they like the new garden. My Mommy tells them thank you very much. Like it was her idea. Wow, first no Hall of Fame then I get dissed on my garden.

Finally an update on our Grandpaw. He is still in rehab. When Lindsay Lohan went to the Correspondents dinner Saturday night he finally got some peace being without a roommate. He is out of the wheel chair and getting around with a walker. We are a little worried because he is losing weight and they are trying to give him some food to put some weight on him. I have told him to eat more kibble but again my well thought out advice has gone unheeded. Humans, can’t live with them, would be hunted and killed by rabid squirrels without them. But thank you for your many prayers for Grandpaw. Hopefully by next month he will be back here for supper on Tuesday nights while I try to stay out of the way of his walker and Pocket nips at his tennis balls.

So I would have to say that the status of the Monster Family is not too bad right now. Hope you and your families are all in good health and enjoying the spring. Good night and God bless.

Max. Maxx, a Pup almost named Max, Winston, and Gimpy the bird are our April 22, 2012 Pups of the Week

It is spring. It is time to climb out of our hibernation holes, to paw the thawed ground, to sniff what is new wafting in the air. To meet new friends and learn of the passing of friends we never had the pleasure of knowing.

This spring we learned of a number of new friends who have picked parents who have recently suffered broken hearts and mended them with sharp little puppy paws. And we learned of a friend we never knew we had who again left his parents grieving, and the little dog who is trying to fix their hearts, again.

We will start with the only one of these dogs we have been able to personally sniff. Two weeks back we wrote about Bailey, our cousin who suddenly was yanked from our family to the bridge. Her parents found a new Shih Tzu, a male, who is so cute and playful that he is very hard to keep up my facade of indifference with him. He was introduced to us as Max. He is the dog who was almost named Max. His parents changed his name to Neely. We would love to show you a picture of him but our parents have not been able to snap one, and his parents live in 1982. But Neely, formerly Max, has helped repair his parents’, and his two human siblings’, broken hearts over Bailey, and he has loved every second of it. (Except when his puppy sister, Riley the Boxer, picks her up and tosses her across the room.)

Then there is the second Max, who must be a little raunchier, because his name has a second X.

I first came to know him as the Blonde Interloper. He wandered into the yard of my friends Cocoa Puff and Maggie Mayhem, the former stomping grounds of Tanner Bub. The mother of Cocoa and Maggie did what all good Moms do in this situation. She checked with Animal Control, the police, neighbors, put up fliers, checked for a chip, but this dog who wandered into their yard came without a trace. As she continued to look Mom was adamant that the Blonde Interloper would not be staying with her. Add this to the fact that Maggie, the newest member of the clan, didn’t like giving up her baby of the pack status without a fight,and did not welcome the Blonde Interloper without a fight. But the clock kept going tick, tick, tick. The Interloper kept lopping, no one was claiming him, and he did, as all dogs who pick a family do, decided he was home.

It was, as it usually is, the Dad who was the last hold out but finally he gave in. The final piece of the puzzle was his name. The Mom asked us suggestions and we all came up with names. But she liked Maxx from the Grinch who Stole Christmas, the dog who steals toys and then randomly redistributed them to the kids of Whoville which, in my book, makes him a bit of a socialist, but I suppose the name Maxx was less social than Marx.

Maxx was needed for a family that lost Tanner and the dog who stepped up to replace Tanner, Ruger. Maxx knew Maggie had a lot of love, but not enough to heal the broken hearts, and he slunk into their yard to heal wounds.

After these two emotional stories it’s time to take a break and enjoy a Winston. Oh not one of those stinky things that people suck on a smoke up the whole room. No this Winston has a very important job. He has to help one of my favorite Moms get over the loss of her beloved Snicker Silva.

It took a few months before Snicker’s Mom let a dog heal her heart but when she met Winston she knew he was the one to do it. The little white fur ball has helped mend her heart and give her some wonderful snuggle time. His Mom loved Snicker so much I was worried she would never open her heart to a four legged love machine again. But thankfully she did, and thankfully she let it be Winston, because I know he is the man for the job.

Now it’s time for a new Max.

This boy is a little older, nine in fact, and is not mending the hearts of his parents, buts his grandparents, but those hearts are so precious to us. Max’s grandparents are the Ladybug’s Mom and Dad. They never were able to get a new dog when Ladybug went to the bridge. But they did have an old daughter. (Not that old, but sometimes we let wordplay get the best of us.) And that daughter had a dog named Max. She moved to Ladybug’s parents home state and needed a place to live. She moved in with them and soon Max was becoming as much Ladybug’s parents’ dog and he was his Mom’s dogs. And sensing their sadness Max began, through sweet kisses, through snuggles, through genuine goofiness, to heal their hearts.

But poor Max still has his work cut out for him. Last week Ladybug’s parents lost their beloved parrot Gimpy. The whole family, including Max. miss Gimpy very much. But Max put away his sorrow to heal Ladybug’s parents again.

Meanwhile Gimpy and Ladybug are with Bailey, Tanner Bub, Ruger, and Snicker looking down on their families from the Bridge, happy to see that they have the love of great dogs in their lives again, and that these dogs are healing to pain of their passing.

So here is to spring, and the new dogs.