Mom's New Recliner

The human insanity never ends.  Just when we are comfortable they turn the tables on us and bring in something we could never have comprehended in two dozen years.

I knew something was amiss last night.  Before bed Mommy and Daddy began moving our furniture around.  They took our recliner (Aside:  It is our recliner, it belongs to me, Mommy and Pocket. We sit on it together, we snuggle, cuddle, eat treats on it, and at the end of this recliner I have licked so much the fabric is all sticky.   It is on the recliner and the bed that we live so it is ours.  End of Aside.) and moved it to where Daddy sits, put Daddy’s recliner where the glider was, and put the glider that no one sits on in the front room where no one sits.  I was concerned because the spot where we sat now held an empty recliner.

This morning Mommy went to breakfast with a friend.   I think the only reason she did it was to try hide her culpability in what happened next.  There was the sound of a truck outside that made both Pocket and I bark loudly.  Then two strange men with interesting smells came in carrying a new chair.  This made us very excited.  A new chair.  It went right into the sport where Mom’s old recliner was.  I liked this one even more.  It had great smells, it was very snuggly, and unlike Mom’s old recliner it did not spin.  (When I jumped on it I was always worried it would move and I would splat on the floor.)  

Then, when Mommy got home Daddy placed me in the chair while Pocket ran over to show her what came.  She was very happy.  While I was watching Mommy’s smiling face Daddy did something you should never do with a chair.  He plugged it in.  Maybe, if we had seen him do it, we wouldn’t have been as shocked, but we didn’t.  Mommy and Pocket sat with me in the chair and at first it was the coolest thing ever.  Mommy picked up a remote hooked to the chair, the bottom lifted in a slow, easy manner and we reclined peacefully.  It was heaven.

Then the heat came on.  I was sitting next to Mommy with my butt on the back rest when it became nice and warm and my knee stopped aching.  It was so nice,   I was settling into a long nap when suddenly the freaking thing began to vibrate.  Pocket flew off the chair and almost crashed into the love seat.  Mommy and I were stuck in the chair like Leo and Kate struggling on the door at the end of Titanic.

But apparently nothing untoward had happened.  Mommy told me that it was a vibrating chair.  What a terrible thing to do to a wonderful piece of furniture.  Why can’t humans leave well enough alone?  You got total comfort and you have to add a vibrator to it?  I am surprised they didn’t put bacon on it.  If I invented vibrating bacon humans would never leave the house.

Also the  chair rises to help Mommy stand but when we sit in it, if she hasn’t lowered it yet, the chair is slanted downward.  It’s like sitting in a soft chair in the Joker’s hideout.  I just don’t think this chair is on the level.

Well there is good news.  There are now three recliners in the living room. One is empty most of the time and gets lots of sun, but since it’s empty I am missing the human warmth.  The second one is Mommy’s old spinning recliner which Daddy sits in.  It’s thinner than the empty recliner but Daddy is thicker than Mommy so there is less room to sit.  Then there is the freaky vibrating recliner.  I guess I will have to choose that one but Pocket and I are talking about one of us pulling the cord from the wall and the other chewing the remote wires.  What could go wrong?

For now I guess we will have to get used to the vibrating zombie chair.