Saturday, November 21, 2009

An excerpt from Pocket's new autobiography "Going Rougff"

This is an excerpt from Pocket’s soon to be released best selling book “Going Rougff.”

When I announced my candidacy for the Senate people who were tired of “the same old political games” came to visit me to help with my candidacy. First they began to shuffle through my outwear. I was told my buffs, bandanas and jackets were not stylish enough (even my Tanner Brigade bandanna) for a candidate to wear. They wanted to go to a stuffy English dog store and buy me expensive, designer clothes.

I called Hattie Mae and she told me that my clothing was beautiful, and to snarl at, and bite them. But I can’t snarl and bite anyone, so Foley did it.

Then they sent in another consultant who recommended a tail extension, contact lenses to make my eyes blue, and a weave to wear so, instead of going out in public sporting my usual puppy cut, I would go out in a show cut with all my “hair” sweeping the floor. I talked with my groomer, Jen, from Groomingdales in Lakeville MA, and she said these extensions could ruin my already perfect hair. I had to tell the consultants I would not heed their wishes, and they stormed out of the house to meet with a Shar-Pei in Chelsea.

And then, get this, they had this man come in and say that they had done research and that I had a high approval rating with men because they liked my tail. They liked the way it swayed back and forth while I walked. What a bunch of sickos.

Then it came time to take my picture for some publications, and the photographers kept asking me to turn and I realized they were trying to capture the curve of my tail. I am a serious political candidate, not some sex symbol, and I stormed out of session asking Foley to have the room cleared. When I returned they were taking pictures of the curve in Foley’s tail. Old age makes you do some odd things.
So my backers were furious with me, and it was that point that I decided to go rougff. I would, win or lose, do things my way.

Next excerpt: Pocket’s Katie Couric interview.

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