Thursday, November 1, 2018
River and the Invading Halloween Caravan
When our home was built, by the original owners, before I was born, it did not We have an enclosed porch. That was added later, to the side of the house, where the main door is. This directs the flow of traffic to the steps, which are by our big kitchen window, so I can see anyone who attempts to enter our home.
When my parents are out of the house, and I am anxious about their whereabouts, I jump on to the dinner table so I can see the entire driveway, and get down to bark when they arrive and my torture ends. Please, don’t tell my parents I do this. They would be very upset if they knew I got on the table. I don’t know why. They walk over the spot on the floor where I eat, why do they care if I walk over the spot they eat?
I could not get up on the table Wednesday night, because my parents were home, but I wish I could. I needed the vantage point. During my walk earlier in the day I had sniffed out a report of a caravan, mostly children, all dressed in costumes, some in masks, some accompanied by adults, moving, in a hoard, towards our southern border.
There was no information peed about what this caravan wanted, but the rumors were that they desired to take our hard earned candy, and if we did not meet their demands they would show their true terrorist agenda by playing a “trick” on us. How barbaric.
This could not be tolerated. I instructed myself, a Griffon army of one, to take a position on the love seat and look through the kitchen window, towards the south so that I could see this caravan approaching.
I did not expect to see them during the day. Of course, they would wait to nightfall when the costumed hoard could invade our neighboorhood unseen. I prepared to use my two greatest assets, my resting bitch face and loud bark. I would scare these marauders from our borders permanently, then call a meeting of the elders, because there really ought to be a wall.
Shortly after dusk, I saw the first members of the caravan, disguised as a vampire, Wonder Woman, Batman, and a princess. I had to respect their willingness to blend in with us Americans, albeit only at Times Square, but they would not fool either my family or me. The costumes seemed hastily put together. Obviously, they were not sending us their best people.
I began my warning bark. Pocket joined in. She didn’t know why. She just barks when I bark. We scampered to the window. They were gathered outside our porch door just waiting to invade. Our eyes were on them instead of our dad. I never expected him to go on the porch with our candy, but that is what he did. He was going to negotiate with these terrorists. He opened the screen door, just what the caravan needed to invade our house! He held out the candy, the mauraders took it and retreated.
My Daddy came back inside. I tried to tell him that opening the door to the invaders was a bad idea but we would not listen. Several groups came to the house that night, and all retreated back south once they got their candy. It was a risky play, but it proved that anyone invading our country could be turned back with kindness and candy.
Make sure you have a bag full of Snickers at all times. It is our only defense from the costumed, marauding caravan that invaded our communities once a year under cover of darkness.