The Ruby Rose Report: The Griff Who Stole Christmas

It was 2:00 AM on Christmas Eve and I was about to accomplish what dogs, cats and kids had failed for centuries before. I was going to stay up to see Santa

I was ready to say hello to Santa I saw a green, furry, ill-tempered humanoid with a potbelly face, snub nose and cat-like face. “You’re not Santa,” I said.

“Of course I am,” the green creature said. “You run along and get to bed.” He then turned on the light and his expression changed. “I didn’t know you were a Griffon,” he said.”Me too,” he said then sat on the couch.

“You’re a liar,” I said. “I look nothing like you.”

“You have a wrinkly face, a downturned mouth, and bitter eyes, just like me. We could be related.” He continued: “I was the original Griffon, a victim of experimentation, over bred until my fur turned green. My breeders decided I was too hideous to become a family pet and I was dumped at the bottom of Mount Crumpett to fend for myself. I stole from trash cans and garages, until I discovered that the times when houses are most filled with food was Christmas. I began breaking into homes on Christmas and getting supplies for the year. But now I am getting older, and I need a successor. You showed great determination and guile to wait up for Santa. Ruby, with you frown so down, won’t you help me rip off this town?”

  I told him, while I was sorry for his past, I could not steal from families on Christmas.

“Oh, no, the way you talk it could only mean one thing, you’re a Democrat.”

I told him I was unregistered and politics has nothing to do with it. It was wrong.

“You are young and naive. The world is becoming more Grinchy every day. You could be a great leader.”

I didn’t want to be a great leader, I just wanted to be a loving lap dog.

“Well, I will not steal from another Griff.” He handed me a green card. “Call me if you change your mind. And so you know, the media got my name wrong. I am Mr. Griff.”

I tore up the card with my teeth,

I had learned a valuable lesson. 

Never sit up for Santa,

You don’t know who will show up.