The Ruby Rose Report: The NBA Tonight Hosts and Ruby's Big Event

 

ERNIE JOHNSON: “It is a historic day here in the Village of Old People and Little Dogs, one many of us never thought we would see. Ruby Rose, the face Griffon, for this first time in almost three years living here, has peed outside.  Let’s go to Kenny Smith at the Big Board.”

KENNY SMITH:  “Here you see Ruby on a walk with her dad, whose head is buried in his phone. She is pulling to get across the street, and her weak-willed Dad lets her lead him across the street. Now you see this grassy area on the corner. This is where she reads her pee-mail Today, suddenly, without warning, she squatted, and left a pee response.”

CHARLES BARKLEY: “I was stunned. Ruby has been left wide open to pee but always passed, but today she shocked the world.”

SHAQUILLE O’NEIL: “A little dog peed outside. I don’t see what the big deal is.”

ERNIE JOHNSON: “Kenny is with a witness right now.”

WITNESS: “I was looking outside to see if anyone put out the trash because it is trash day tomorrow but Monday was a holiday so that means the trash day got pushed back but sometimes they work on holidays and I don’t want to miss trash days because my son Roger finally cut the grass and put the clippings in the barrel and I don’t have room for another week’s trash.”

KENNY SMITH: “But did you witness the momentous event when Ruby peed?”

WITNESS: “I don’t remember, now get off my steps before I call ICE, but first put the trash out.”

ERNIE JOHNSON: Ruby has just returned from her walk and is standing by the lawn. Ruby, what made you finally pee outside?”

RUBY: “I took a big drink of water before going got a walk and couldn’t hold it in any longer.” 

ERNIE JOHNSON: “Did you leave a pee mail.”

RUBY: “Yes, I wrote ‘Long time reader, first-time urinator, and not to put your trash out Monday was a holiday.”

ERNIE JOHNSON: “One more thing Ruby, I know you want to get inside to see your mom, do you plan to pee outside ever again?”

RUBY: “I don’t think so, I am not an animal.”