River Thinks Her Breed is Under Represented

Sniffing around the house I have found lots of Yorkie things:  Writing paper, calendars, statues, bottle covers, pens, mugs, checkbook covers, just about everything.  I understood when I arrived here that there would be lots of Yorkie things but now that this is a half Griffon household I want to know where the Griffon stuff is.

I have been told that Mommy has sought such items but hasn’t been able to find any.  What is the meaning of this?  Look at me!  I am freaking adorable!  My entire breed is.  Why aren’t there Griffon themed items?  I am being discriminated against by the big anti-cute movement.

Part of the problem is that we don’t have big litters.  I only produced two myself.  So there are not a lot of us Griffons running around, not like Labs that have 20 or 30 pups a pop , or so I have heard.  We are a rare commodity, like diamonds.  but we are also a Mom’s best friend.

But I think us Griffons should be as represented as other breeds so I need your parents because they are the ones who buy all these dog themed items to request their local merchant get some Griffon things, even if they have to go all the way to Brussels.  If there is enough of a movement then us Griffons can take our proper place with the rest of the showy breeds.

I mean at least a freaking key chain.  Is that too much to ask?

A Few Things About My Breed by River Song

I know many of you are not be familiar with my breed.  Let me give you the description of a Brussels Griffon from the AKC and explain them in terms humans will understand.

1.  “The affectionate, charming and curious personality of the Brussels Griffon makes it a good companion dog.”  Affectionate:  I am going to lick your face.  A lot.  While I do this I am going to stand on your chest and I don’t really care how sensitive your chest area may be.  I also love to stick my tongue in your ear, nose, and, if you are not careful, any available orifice.  Charming:  As long as you count things like pooping in my crate, jumping on the table, jumping on the end table where the three orchards delicately stand, rolling on the grass while I should be walking, and picking up everything on the ground as charming, then I’m your dog.  Curious:  My little nose goes everywhere.  Trash cans, holes in the ground, under chairs, in your mouth, whereever there is a place I can stick my nose it is going there.  Good companion dog:  I am going to follow you whereever you go, I do not respect your personal space, and if you leave me look out because I am totally going to freak out.

2.  “However, this breed is not typical of the "pampered pet" stereotype of Toy breeds.”  Absolutely not.  I am so angered when I am called a pampered pet.  I spend most of my day sitting in a chair or playing with a large selection of toys;; I get high quality food and treats; I get lots of kisses, ear rubs and belly rubs; and at night I sleep curled up with my parents in bed.  If you believe that is what a “pampered pet” is then you need a new dictionary.

“Their active indoor lifestyle and small size makes them ideal for apartment life, but they still need to be taken for daily walks.”  What active lifestyle?  Is it active to run back and forth from the couch, to a recliner, to a chair, to the couch, back to the recliner, sometimes flying between them never touching the floor?  Is it active to chase Pocket when she chases the ball, taking it from her, and running all over the house until she catches me?  And daily walks?  I walk until I pee, and I don’t like to pee early in the walk so every time I have to pee there is a walk involved, and since I pee five times a day you can do the math.

‘The breed can have either a rough or da smooth coat. Each coat needs twice-weekly brushing and shaping every three months.”  I have a rough coat, and thank to Hattie Mae a raincoat and a house coat.  I have been with my family for about a month and have had no brushing.  I am just going to go to the groomers in a few weeks and have them brush me six times.  And if anyone thinks they are “shaping” me they better be ready to lose a hand.

And they left out the biggest attribute of our breed.  We are always smiling, we just need to be upside down to do it.

You're Hired: Introducing River Song

Hello my friends.  After receiving several resumes, thousands of e-mails, and countless text messages I have decided upon the next member of the Monster Pack.  Thank you to all those who applied, and for the many humans who gave us advice.

It turned out that I did not have to look very far at all.  When I used to go to the groomers I met some Brussels Griffons.  They seemed very pleasant, and Mommy took great joy in seeing them and playing with them.   When I received the following resume I was intrigued.

“Dear Judge Monster:  I am a one year old Brussels Griffon.  While you have not met me you know some of my family members.  My brother belongs to Pat, who owns Groomingdales, your salon.  I recently had a litter, and then got spade.  I am one of eight young Griffons living here and my Mom is looking for a new home for me where I can be loved like a lap dog and get lots of attention.  Being a mother I believe I meet all your requirements about leadership.  Being one of eight dogs I have great socialization skills. I do not have a lot of social networking skills but I am an unwed mother who is faced with eviction and need a good home.  As the premier dog attorney, and now a Judge, I know you will be fair with me.  Thank you. Zell.”

I decided to pop down and see Zell in her dreams.  She told me her stories, and I told her mine, and she told me that she really wanted to be part of my family.  She was warm, and funny, and I could see how being a Mom made her very wise.  She just wanted her own family.  While I did find out that she was never in danger of being kicked out on the street, her time with her birth Mom’s family was ending, so it was the perfect match.

So now I had some dream surfing to do.  I had to enter both Mommy’s and Daddy’s dreams and tell them both to consider a Brussels Griffon and to call Pat at the Groomers.  When they woke up Mommy said she wanted to call Pat about the Griffons and Daddy said he was thinking the same thing (and yet neither one thought that was strange.  Humans!)

I had to skip back up to the groomers and wait for Pat to fall asleep, then slip into her dreams and whisper that, when contacted by my parents, she needed to call Zell’s Mom, and, when Zell’s Mom told her about Zell, Pat would suggest that Zell’s Mom contact my Mom.

Whew!

Humans!  So easily manipulated.  The next night I swooped down to Florida into Zell’s Mom’s dream and whispered to her to offer Zell to my Mom.  Bingo!  Now we were cooking with gas.  But then:  Roadblock!  Someone would have to get Zell and fly her up to Massachusetts.

Back to dream surfing.  There is a woman who works at my groomers named Beth.  I popped into her dreams and suggested that she needed to go down to see Zell’s Mom and bring back a pup for herself, and since she was down there, could she bring Zell home too?  When Beth woke up in the morning, not sure why, she told her friends and family she needed to go down to Florida.

So now that I had it all setup I thought I could rest.  But then I found out Mommy’s check to cover the expenses hadn’t arrived in Florida yet.  So I had to go down to the post office, find the check, and make sure it got into Zell’s Mom’s mailbox.  When she received it I thought finally, my work is done.

But there was one more hurdle.  Zell’s Mom was taking her and Beth to the airport and they stopped at two stores on the way for a carrier for Zell and couldn’t find one.  Oh man!  Humans!  It is very dangerous to try and get a message from the Bridge to someone who is driving.  But I did, and I told her where an available carrier was.  Then I had to sit on her shoulder and whisper to her to swerve into this lane and that to get them to the airport on time.  They just made the plane.

After that I wasn’t taking any chances.  I sat on the wing throughout the entire flight, and man was it cold.  The plane landed safely, Beth and Zell got off and home safely.

The next day Mommy picked up Zell and gave her a new name.  River Song.  And she has fit in with my pack beautifully, as I knew she would.  A total snuggle bug and a peaceful companion.  Pocket is learning to do the big sister thing, she is tough sometimes, tender other times.  And she lets River sleep in the bed which is very generous of her.  River sleeps up by my Mommy’s head, and Pocket by her waist, and everything is very calm, except if River enters Pocket’s area, then it’s go time.

That first night I felt like my work was done, but I know that isn’t true.  I will always have to keep an eye on my family, because even with River and Pocket they will be lost without me, as will my friends.  

A Yorkie Angel's work is never done, but a major part of the start of rebuilding of my Mom’s heart has been completed.

And now here is River, let her Song begin.

You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talking... you talking to me? Well I'm the only one here.