The Thing Under the House Exposed

I found out what was living under my house, and subsequently found out why our heat was sporadically working,and of course it was all Foley’s doing.

Our heat stopped working one day, and while the calendar says spring, it is still quite cold.  River and I were shivering in the bedroom when we heard paw falls, and smelled something quite odiforous.  We ran to the vent and yelled out “who dares enter the home beneath two scary dogs of such statute.”  (I was exaggerating but I believe River was quite serious.)  

“It is I, Puxatony Phil!” a voice called out from beneath the floorboards.

“Puxatony Phil!” I said shocked.  “What are you doing here?”

“I needed a break from the constant tourism,” he said.  “People pestering me, looking up my hole.  Foley stopped by and told me you had some heat issues.  I agreed to live under your house, get away from all the curiosity seekers, and get back into shape by running on the wheel that makes your heat work.  Next year when they pull me out of the hole I don’t want them talking about six more weeks of winter.  I want them talking about how wonderful I look in spanx.”

I thought it was rather late in the year to lose weight by keeping our heat going but Phil assured me that the cold air would continue, and who was I to argue, he is Punxsutawney Phil.  In fact he told me that six is the highest amount of upcoming weeks of winter he can predict, but given his druthers, he would have picked 12.

The next week was cold, and when I peered down the grate I saw Phil running as hard as he could to keep the heat working.  On Friday night there was a big bang under the house.  It was dark and I could not be sure, but I thought I saw Phil slinking away in the night, abandoning his quest to slim down and leaving us huddled around one small space heater for warmth until a new heating unit can be installed.

If any of our human friends are driving between southeastern Massachusetts and western Pennsylvania and see a plump rodent waddling down the road you have our permission to run the fast bastard over.

Morgan and Jackson"s Mom Jane and a Maltese named Muffin are our April 12, 2015 Pups of the week

      Pocket and I began this blog in May 2008 after getting thrown off a website that doesn’t even exist anymore.  Since then we’ve written about 1,000 of these things.       In November of 2009 we began writing our Pup of the Week tribute blogs.  Two months later we named Morgan the Miracle Maltese Pup of the Week after he went to the Bridge.  It is six years later and I was shocked to find that, despite years of doing great work, we have not honored Morgan’s wonderful Mom.  We are here to rectify that.

    Morgan  (and now Jackson and Ginger's) Mom is our Aunt Jane Marinello and she has been helping homeless dogs find good homes for all these years.  But what she did recently truly deserves to be celebrated across the globe.

     Aunt Jane has a neighbor named Thelma who turned 100 on April 10th.  A couple of weeks before her birthday Aunt Jane took Amanda some gardenias just to make Amanda’s day a little brighter.  Amanda has a 14 year old Maltese named Muffin.  Up until last year Amanda had a traveling groomer come to her house and provide Muffin with a spa day.  But the groomer had relocated and Amanda could no longer drive, or groom Muffin.  Poor Muffin’s hair had matted so badly he could not see.

    Aunt Jane explained to Thelma that the mats were hurting Muffin.  Aunt Jane called her groomer and told she had an emergency case.  The groomer, whose shop was scheduled to be closed the next day, agreed to open the shop especially for Muffin.  Aunt Jane knew that Thelma loved Muffin, and Muffin loved her Mom, but Thelma’s eyes were bad and she could no see how bad Muffin’s hair had become.  Aunt Jane, without looking for any credit, unassumingly decided to be Muffin and Thelma’s hero.

    Aunt Jane took Muffin to the groomer’s and thankfully the groomer was able to shave Muffin without having to give him anesthesia.  Here is Muffin getting groomed.

    A few days later Aunt Jane went to see Muffin and brought him a shirt (that had belonged to Morgan) until his hair started to grow in.  (Aunt Jane cannot stop giving.)  Aunt Jane got thanked for the shirt and the grooming with lots of Muffin kisses.   

The groomer did find a large mass on Muffin’s chest but it was not bothering him and being 14 it was decided to leave well enough alone.  Also, like many older dogs, he has leg issues, but Muffin can still get outside to do his business.  Aunt Jane decided that she had not done enough for Thelma and Muffin and she asked her hundreds of Facebook friends to send birthday cards to Thelma to make her birthday special.

As Thelma’s birthday drew near the birthday cards started streaming in making this one of the happiest birthdays she has experienced in ages.  Aunt Jane visits her everyday and she reports that Muffin is getting his strength back.          

Thelma and Muffin are even walking for a few steps each day, all because Aunt Jane, as she has done with hundreds of dogs, saved them, and for that I call on all dogs to give a tip of the tail to this wonderful woman.

And help yourself to one of these cupcakes Aunt Jane ordered for Thelma and Muffin because she can’t stop doing her countless good deeds.

Ask Aunt Foley: Backtallk

Dear Aunt Foley:   I was enjoying Hobo Hudsons’ new book Bioterroisim Seized the Sea (here is a link if you have not read it.)  Hobo was telling the tale of his trying to get to you to obtain your Marauders’ Map of the Internet when he made a comment that he believes I have a crush on him.  I became very concerned.  While I admire Hobo and look up to him as a wonderful big brother I do not have a crush on him.  He is a married man for Bridge’s sake!  I contacted his wife Lily who told me she did not believe I had a crush but this comment made me very worried, I do not want to be thought of as a dog house wrecker.  As you know I have a nervous stomach and have been spraying out my poos ever since I read this.  Can I sue Hobo for pain and suffering and slander?  Pocket Dog.

Dear Pocket:  As you know Hobo is always one step ahead of all other dogs.  He had his Mom list herself as the author who chronicled his adventures thwarting bioterrorism on the high seas.  He anticipated that someone would decide to sue and insured they would sue his Mom so his interests would be protected.  You cannot sue because of your upset tummy.  Everything (the sudden fluttering of a bird’s wing, the phone ringing, rain) brings on digestion issues.  Also, having slept next to you for six years I can state that you do not have a case because you often mumbled “Hobo” in your sleep.  

Dear Aunt Foley:  You know that is not true.  I wear a mouthguard at night because I grind my teeth.  How could I mumble Hobo’s name with a mouth guard between my teeth.

Dear Pocket:  Excuse me Pocket but this is how it works.  You ask Aunt Foley a question, she answers it, and you accept the answer.  You don’t write back!  Also that wasn’t a mouth guard, that was a squeaker you pulled out of a toy.

Dear Aunt Foley:  I lived my entire life with you twisting things around to make you look good and I am not going to have both you and River doing it.

Dear Pocket:  I never did that you are lying.

Dear Aunt Foley:  I am not lying:  Mom!

Dear Pocket:  Mom!

 

Wordess Wednesdy

Chloe is our April 5, 2015 Pup of the Week

After Angel Aran settled in at Rainbow Bridge she immediately began looking for the perfect dog who could help heal her Mom’s broken heart.  She stayed up for days going through application after application until she found the dog:  Her name was Chloe.

Once she had found Chloe she popped into her dreams.  She was a rescue dog and she was desperate for a home but Aran wanted to make sure that Chloe had the same qualities:  Kindness, sweetness, faithfulness, and a sweet joy, that Aran had brought to her family.  Luckily Chloe met all the requirements.

The next day while Aran’s parents were on the computer searching for the perfect pup I helped Aran guide control of their computer to get Chloe’s picture to pop up on the screen.  When they saw Chloe’s they instantly fell in love.  But her parents still had to fill out an application and wait to see if they were approved.

Aran entered the dreams of the people at the Rescue and he assured them that Chloe could not possibly find a better home than with her parents.  The next morning the Rescue workers had a strong, inexplicable feeling that Chloe would fit in perfectly with Aran’s parents.

There were still several steps to get Chloe to her new home.  Chloe’s wonderful foster Mom had to take her for tests to make sure she was healthy.  Only Chloe could see Aran in the vet’s office, her wings furiously fluttering as she flew back and forth making sure that Chloe got a good report.

Then it was time for the transport.  Aran sat on the dashboard, again invisible to everyone but Chloe, as they drove through the night.  They arrived at Aran and Chloe’s house so late at night it was morning.  But their Mom was up and she rushed out to see Chloe and, as Arans Mom took Chloe into her arms for the first time, and Aran knew her obligation to her Mom was done, an angelic tear fell from her eye and on to the dashboard just before she transported herself back to the Bridge.

Aran only had to make one more trip back to her home before Chloe was settled in.  Aran’s cat brother Frank got all “Hey, what did you go bring another animal into the house, what the hell, what about me!” that all cats do.  Aran assured Frank that Chloe was specially picked to help their Mom, and while Frank was cautious, he loves his Mom, and has accepted Chloe into the house, and much as a cat can.

So welcome Chloe, listen to Aran in your dreams, and love your parents and you will be the greatest gift they ever received.

Ask Aunt Foley: From Max - Update on an elevator at the Bridge

Dear Aunt Foley:  Why are there so many stairs leading from Rainbow Bridge to where we reside.  Why can’t there be an elevator or an escalator?  Angel Max

Dear Angel Max:  I received this question several days ago and responded to it immediately   I thought it was a capitol idea.  In fact, when I first arrived at the Bridge I was met at the top of the stairs by Max’s Aunt Ladybug.  I always assumed the stairs were her idea and was too polite to tell her the climb was exhausting.  But, after Max’s, query I asked Ladybug and she said she did not know why the stairs were there either.

We formed a committee including our mortal friend Hobo Hudson and drew up several designs for a luxury elevator to lift newly arrive angels to the top of the Bridge in style with treats and drinks.  I designed an elevator that was like Willy Wonka’s and could fly over the Bridge so the newly arriving angels could see everything. (Gene Wilder’s Willy Wonka, not Johnny Depp’s.  There is nothing here based on Johnny Depp.)

I flew the ideas up the mountain to the Big Guy.  I told him about our concerns and showed him our plans.  He glanced at them and then went back to writing in the big book he is always working on.

“What do you think?” I asked.

“The stairs have always been there and they always will be.  It is written,” he said as he kept writing.

“Where is it written?” I asked.

“In this book,” he explained.  “This is where everything is written and once I write it it is written.”

“But you are continually writing in the book, which means the book can be modified.  Surely you can make a modification for a simple elevator.”

He put down his pen.   “I record what has happened, hot what will happen.  I have given all my creatures free will.  My creations can change the book, and then I write it down and it is written.  If some of my beings were to build an elevator, and I liked it, I would write it down in this book, and it would be written.”

“So we can build the elevator?”

“As I said, you have free will.  You can do what you like.”

“And if you don’t like it?”

“I will hit it with a lightening bolt and destroy it,” he said, then he picked up his quill and began writing again, a sure sign I had been dismissed.

So Max let’s get started on that elevator.  And when it is done it will either be written and become part of the book or will be smoted and then we can get marshmallows and toast them then get back to the drawing board.

Thanks for reminding us that we all have the free will to change the book if we are strong enough to stand up and ask “why not?”

For more Ask Aunt Foley click HERE 

 

Wordless Wednesday