Saturday, February 13, 2010

Foley's plan to help with your snow removal

I am a little dog who was taught long ago to count her blessings and I am doing that tonight, because, while this bothersome snow is back on my ground, it isn’t as bad as some of my friends have endured. But that doesn’t mean the humans on the talking picture machine aren’t still stirring up fear.

Like on Wednesday, all the humans were all a twitter because snow was coming. Mommy didn’t have school, which meant a lot more lap time, so I wasn’t scared. But Pocket, she worries about getting swallowed up by the snow and sucked down an Eskimo. I joined her for our morning constitutional.

She was shivering and she told me she was worried about the snow. I stuck my nose up and smelled and tilted my tail into the wind. “Don’t worry,” I told her, “it is going to snow later in the day, but first it’s going to rain.” “That’s not what they’re saying on TV!” Pocket said,

“Who are you going to trust some TV slope nose or your sister? It doesn’t smell like snow and my tail says the air isn’t cold enough. Come inside and we shall have mead and grog.” After breakfast Daddy went off to work, Mommy was worried about him driving in the storm. “Gonna rain!” I said, but who listens to the mutt?

Mommy left on the news and all they did was worry about the snow. If humans could learn to walk on all fours like evolved creatures they wouldn’t be so worried about slipping on ice. There were a few flakes here and there, but the people from the mental hospital across the street came, gathered them up, and took the home.

Daddy soon came home. Hardly a bit of snow falling but the panicking humans had closed his work. Some guy named Harvey Leonard was on the TV in a suit in front of a big map talking about all the snow the city of Taunton was getting. “Don’t we live in Taunton?” Pocket asked.

“Yes we do,” I said. “But it’s raining like you said,” Pocket barked confused. “He’s a weatherman, they have two jobs, one, to wrongly predict what happened, and two, to lie and pretend it didn’t happen,” I said. “Let’s just share Mommy’s lap and nap with her,” I said. We can always trust in laps.

When we woke up there was snow, but not enough to suck a little dog down into the depths of cold. We didn’t like it but we sent Daddy out to dig out a spot on the grass for us, then we went out a peed on the porch. Daddy wasn’t happy. By morning it was wet and cold, but by afternoon our outside outhouse was back to being green and dry.

I do feel so sorry for my friends like the K and K and Hattie Mae who got the snow New England should have got, so I want to take it from you. So this is what you do. Find a pail or something you can carry in your mouth. Go outside and fill it with snow. Then come inside and dump it on your keyboard.

Then hit F7 Shift Del Esc F4 Ctrl Enter and the snow will be downloaded to my New England back yard where it belongs. But try to do it quickly because if it melts then a great, big fat guy from the Geek Squad will come to your house to fix the computer and if you’ve never seen one of these guys, believe me, you’d rather have the snow.

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