I have found while working for Foley as a legal aide has been fulfilling I have also discovered that she keeps most of the kibble. Wanting to be able to add to the family coffers I have done what many humans are doing, scouring the Internet looking for job opportunities. I found one in a story written about a dog salon in New York owned by celebrity dog groomer and upper class twit Jorge Bendersky.
Mr. Bendersky has found a way to separate fashion conscious pet lovers and their money. He tattoos their pooch. Ouch! When I contacted Mr Bendersky he told me: "In the summer, they cut the dogs' hair short, so you've got to supplement the glamour. Having no hair is no excuse not to be glamorous,"
While I would hate to disagree with a New York based pooch stamping groomer I, like many of my pup friends, have summer cuts, even in winter, and consider it quite glamorous. We have beautiful eyes, cute noses, and all different shapes and sizes of ears to supplement our glamour, which don’t need supplementing to start with.
But Mr, Bendersky is making money so there is a market for it and Foley has taught me where there is a market there is a will. So instead of letting Mommies pick out tattoos for their babies based on what they think adds to their dogs glamour, I am going to pick out tattoos for my friends based on what they would pick, then I will upload myself to their houses and perform the tattoos myself. Here is my list of my friends and the tattoos I have picked up for them.
Hattie Mae: A hat worn by a Princess to the Royal Wedding so everyone will know what a Fashionista she is.
Brody: I thought about food or something else he would eat but decided on a zipper on his belly so doctors can go in and remove whatever he has eaten.
Hobo Hudson: A pair of reading glasses because he is an acclaimed author and to use to read when we change the background again.
Emme: A prison tattoo that says “Only God Can Judge Me.”
Smoochy: His Mom’s hand print.
Chelsea: A tattoo of Ashton on her butt so she can bite him without getting in trouble.
Leo: His Mom’s drawing of him turned into a tattoo with a king’s crown on his head because he is a king.
The Labbies: A Wonder Woman tattoo for their Mom.
Lily: A Sons of Anarchy tattoo to celebrate her love of motorcycles.
Otis: A tattoo that says “The Boss” so his visitors know who is in charge up in here (or there as the case may be.)
Tommy Tunes: A camera because he does such beautiful camera work and he hates having his picture taken. No one can take his picture if the camera is stuck on his skin.
Reese: A big Reese’s Pieces on his back.
Molly: A Blue Buffalo logo with the word Mom on it. Tashi: A tattoo of PJ’s beautiful face so she never forgets the love of her life.
Hannah Banana 2: A delicious cookie so when our Mom looks at Hannah she remembers to buy us more treats.
Orbi: A video camera so he always has one on his walks.
Willie: A giant heart because no dog has a bigger one than him.
Andy and Barney: A telescope because they are always watching over our house at night.
Enzo: A paint brush so when he’s with his Mom he is always helping.
Meika: The words “Stop sniffing” on her butt to remind Reese to stop sniffing until he gets fixed.
Joey: A Snoopy as Joe Cool cartoon because he is the new Joe Cool.
Molly: A Downtown Abbey tattoo to help her if she gets writer’s block