Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Pocket Tries to Help and Old Political Friend: Fails
As some of you may remember, after Senator Kennedy passed away, I mounted a campaign to win his seat in the United States Senate. I dropped out of the race after getting pressure from too many special interest groups, after being unable to get support for universal pet health care, and, after Foley caused an international incident by having a cat forcefully removed from it’s legal residence.
But I remain very respected in the political world and recently I got a call from an old friend whose campaign had run into a bit of a bump. And that is how I found myself travelling to Long Island to meet with Anthony Weiner.
He told me of his past scandals and, having had my picture taken several times asleep on my back with my privates on display, I did not judge Being a bit of an Internet celebrity myself I knew what needed to be done. When people imagined Anthony Weiner on the Internet they thought dirty pictures. It was my job to change those images.
I went to his apartment in New York and told him I would take pictures of him. Because I am a tiny dog the only thing I could find to stand on to give me the right height for the proper angle was the toilet bowl. Candidate Weiner told me bathroom pictures are what got him in trouble originally but I told him he would have total control over what pictures were sent out.
I climbed up on the toilet bowl with my I Phone camera. When I did I hit the vanity and spilled a bottle of Usher VIP men’s cologne that splashed on to the candidate’s chinos. He took them off and prepared to get new pants but I told him my pictures would only be from the neck up. I asked him if I could have a few minutes to adjust the camera on my phone. He told me it was not a problem and he would just check his phone for pictures of Miley Cyrus twerking.
I aimed the camera at his swarthy face and snapped the picture, but just before I snapped it, the camera slipped (damn not having opposable thumbs) and I took a picture of his naughty bits by accident. I took a picture of his naughty bits by accident twelve times.
“Did you take a picture of my naughty bits?” the candidate asked
“Of course not,” I told him as I desperately tried to clear the pictures of his naughty bits, but darn these paws, I ended up sending them to the secret Twitter account I created under my superhero alias Carlos Danger. But everything would be fine if I just didn’t hit send.
Then I hit the send. I really have to get my claws clipped. The Weiner told me I had ruined his career but I told him all he had to do is put a twist on the world’s oldest excuse. Instead of saying “The dog ate my homework” say “The dog hit the send button.”
Well, anyway, his careers over.
And I’m betting you will thank me later.
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