I have often been described as barking mad, but now I am really barking mad. If I was still on the mortal side of the Bridge I would be sniffing butts and taking names but now I have to rely on my dull minded sisters to right the horrible wrong that has been done to me.
I learned that local pet stores have stolen my name in an attempt to cash in on my fame. I blocked their attempts to link themselves with me for profit while living on the mortal side, but shortly over six months after passing to the immortal side, they have made their move, hoping to attract the parents of Foley Wanna Bes with this.
While I would not mind having my Little Monsters create and wear their own Monster shirts and jackets in tribute I do not like the big box stores owned by massive companies making money on my friends.
It was time for a dream meeting with my lawyers River and Pocket Esquires. I went down, plucked them from their dreams, and brought them to my cloud office. I showed them pictures of the Monster shirt and asked them to file a restraining order against the stores to keep them from selling the shirts.
Pocket told me she was nervous about fulfilling my request. Those big box stores had lots of lawyers who could hit my sisters with restraining orders and keep them from buying food. Before I could respond my head litigator River barked “keep us from buying food? No food?” She then began running around my cloud howling at the moon. I had to get her off of my cloud before the downstairs neighbors filed another complaint with management.
So apparently if this is going to happen I am going to have to make it happen. But first I want all my friends to print out what is below and bring it to Petco:
The bearer of this paper
a true friend of Foley Monster (™)
Is to be awarded one free Monster Dog Type T Shirt
And if you do not honor this coupon I will personally
send dozens of geese to poop on your car
Please go out and get one soon. Once these companies realize that I have outmaneuvered them and they will be making no profits from my name they will pull these items from the shelves. I wouldn’t want you to be left out.
And wear it proudly Little Monsters.