Dear Aunt Foley: Bestie, this is my question. Okay, I heard mom talking to auntie Beth (I think) She said she was living vicariously through me with my Halloween costumes. See, first time I was a Playboy bunny, then a flapper girl, then a harem girl and this year it's going to be way out there but it is cute and I do like the ears. So my question is.... what does living vicariously mean and WHY does she need ME? Come on I can take the truth. Thanks Angel Foley. Love you - Hannah Banana
Dear Bestie Hannah Banana: What your Auntie Beth means is that your Mommy is not comfortable enough to dress up as a Playboy bunny, a flapper girl, a harem girl, and whatever out there thing with the ears she has in mind so she dresses you up in the costumes instead.
So what she is saying is that she can’t do what she wants to do so she has you do them instead. She would like to do so many things you do but she can’t because she is afraid she would look silly. Like going outside and peeing on the lawn. She’s been dying to do that, but can’t, so she experiences the joy through you.
Other things she would like to do is going out in the sun, taking off all her clothes, and rolling around on her back in the sun. That’s a big one on her list but she can’t do that either. And licking her nether regions. She would like to do that but all she can do is watch you with envy.
This isn’t just true of your Mom. All our parents would change places with us in a second. No work, no responsibilities except for rules about biting and bathroom etiquette. Sleeping when we want to sleep, having someone walk behind us and clean up our droppings. I tell you we are living the dream.
All our parents live their lives vicariously through us. Secretly they would love to have our lives, which is why sometimes they take us to trainers so they can pretend to control our lives to make themselves feel better. But secretly they wish we were the ones holding the leash pulling them while they smell something stinky on the ground.
So take it as a compliment Hannah, and, if you ever feel like you want to be like your Mom, just realize she wants to trade places with you all the time. And if there is any Freaky Friday thing that offers you the chance to switch don’t do it: You will regret it