Friday, April 17, 2015
Aunt Foley: Update of the Escalator to Heaven
I am going to change the format this week. Instead of a question I am going to provide an update on our plans to remove the stairs at the Bridge with a modern conveyance.
I posted a poll for several angels and pups . The result was that almost unanimous: An escalator with a rest stop for refreshments, pampering, and sprucing up, was chosen to replace the old, crumbling stairs. Enzo has all the parts and will be building it in his garage. When the results became official I immediately regretted posting the question.
As Judge of Rainbow Bridge District 7 one of my duties is to swear in the angels that cross the River of Life to immortality. It usually take a dog five minutes to climb the steps. When I proposed a modern conveyance to the Big Guy I had not anticipated the rest stop request.
The problem is I am a very busy dog. I don’t mind waiting in my robes while a recently passed dog climbs the stairs but the thought of me standing there impatiently while the same dog gets his or her hair curled, washed, and feasts on delectable treats burns me up. I don’t mean to be insensitive but I could spend eternity (and that’s a mighty long time) waiting at the top of an escalator while the forbidden taste of bon bons are introduced to a dog’s pallet.
So now I must ask for another addition to the plan. First, directly to Enzo: Do you have an old horn lying around that garage? If so, could you install in at the rest stop, so when the soon to be angel is done being pampered they could blow the horn to signal me to meet them at the top of the stairs so I don’t spend a freaking eternity waiting for the pampered pup to finish their first delectable box of chocolates? And could the escalator committee agree to modify the designs to include the horn?
Also Tommy Tunes had a wonderful idea For those who would like a quicker, and more exciting ride to the top, Tommy proposed a reverse water slide: Pups would sit on an innertub and an engine would pump water up the mountain to the top. This would be great for water lovers.
Any chance of a reverse water pump Enzo?
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