The Full Mclachlin by River Song

Like all dogs I hate when I am left alone.  And like most parents mine feel guilty when they leave me alone.  I suppose a good dog would act like they didn’t mind when their parents went out.  But no one has accused me of being a good dog.  

Everyone agrees that I am a smart dog.  When my parents are watching TV they think I am just staring off into eternity but I am watching everything that happens to learn more about the human condition.  During the commercials I often see very sad dogs in cages while a tear jerking Sarah Mclachlan song plays breaking even the strongest of hearts.

While I do feel terrible for these dogs I also see these commercials as an opportunity to learn.  I put these lessons to good use on Saturday.  When my parents were going out and I was being crated I used my newly learned tactic:  The Full Mclachlin.

I first want you to know that this works better when you are locked in a crate.  There are aspects of this technique you can use if you are uncrated but you need to be crated to do the Full Mclachlin.

If you want to break your parents’ hearts each time they leave you follow thiese steps.

1. When you are placed in the crate look down at your paws.  Without lifting your head look up at your parents with tear filled eyes.  
2. Let out a very low whimper of despair.
3. Lift one of your front paws up and put it on the wire cage.  Keep your head down and your eyes looking upwards and teary.
4. As your Mom moves to the door let your whimpers increase in intensity.
5. When she reaches the door begin to hum “When She Loved Me” from Toy Story 2.

And that is the Full Mclachlin.  It hasn’t stopped Mommy from leaving me but I know it has made her feel very guilty  I am hoping it will work soon and Mommy won’t leave me again.

Who can fight the Full Mclachlin?