River Writes to Her Sister About the Recent Weather

February 28, 2018

Dear Zell:  How are you, dear sister?  I hope you are experiencing good weather.  The temperature here is very comfortable and has been for the past two weeks.  It seems like late spring. I think that winter is gone for good. We have had several long walks in the last two weeks and are looking forward to more.  If you want to experience proper weather, my door is open to you. Love your devoted sister River Song.

March 2, 2018

Dear Zell:  I am writing to tell you that we had the most dreadful storm last evening.  It was like one of your hurricanes. I know how fretful you become during such events.  We even lost our electricity. Of course, I remained unruffled by the high wind and rain although I did have to comfort silly Pocket.  She told me that I would come to resemble her after several more storms. Pish-posh. We Griffons do not get “worked up!” At least it was not snowing. Love your unaffected sister River Song

March 7, 2018

Dear Zell:  Tell our birth mother not to worry, but we had yet another storm, that they fetchingly call a Nor’easter in these parts.  Yankees! They have to put a name on everything. We got a mixture of rain and heavy wet snow which is the most unpleasant substance on Earth.  I refused to put my paws outside the house, peeing and pooping properly on pads. Pocket went outside, saying it was a badge of honor to do your business outside regardless of the weather.  I didn't even acknowledge such foolishness.

March 13, 2018

Dearest Zell:  I have the most atrocious news.  We have been besieged by yet another storm which has brought us snow well over my head.  Father has spent several hours outside trying to keep the driveway clear, but the snow keeps falling.  The temperatures have plummeted. The thoughts of spring I clung to two weeks ago are now but a memory.  I think my Mommy wants me to go out in this weather to do my bathroom duties. Oh Zell, the horror! How I long for those long, lazy Florida days.  I do hope this is the final storm. I don’t believe I could stand another. Love, your weary sister River Song

March 20, 2018

Hey Zell:  Holy crap we got another wicked bad snow storm on the first day of spring. This sucks the big one.  Worse than that I’m afraid I have turned into a tough New England girl. I even peed in the snow today, and when a truck driver came too close to me, I flipped that mofo off.  I believe the innocent southern girl who found her fortune in the north has been turned into a Jersey Shore character by this freaking weather. Tell mother to sell my dresses and the summer house.  I shall return to the south no more. I am a northern girl now. I shall be getting my first tattoo on my belly tomorrow. It is going to say: “Screw snow” but in not as polite terms. Do not expect to hear from me until June when this frickin’ snow should melt.  I’m off to take a piss by the crushed butterfly bush. Love your Yankee sister River Song