Thursday, June 21, 2018

River's Big Butt if Taking Over My Kitty Condo

I love sitting with my parents.  I am addicted to body heat. I usually like to snuggle in between the arm of the chair and my parent, but sometimes I will choose laps.  Human laps were perfectly designed for a dog to curl up on. Occasionally though I choose independence.

I get down and walk over to my kitty condo.  It is very tiny. I am the only one who can fit inside.  River is not allowed to go in it. She is too big. She could stretch it out. But lately, River has been invading my condo.  Well, not all of her, but her big butt.
I climb in my condo, spin around twice, do some kneading with my paws, and sit down facing outwards.  River jumps down and walks over to my condo. First, she sticks her head inside and looks around trying to determine if there is room for her. Then she walks away, and I think she is going back to sit with mom.

But then River starts to backup without even the courtesy of beeping.   I look at her butt hole which grows larger with each backward stride. Then it comes so extremely close I could give her a rectal exam.  Before I can begin, the procedure River completes her endeavor by backing completely into the condo, sitting down and filling it with darkness.

I `couldn’t see my artwork, the pictures of my friends, or the lovely French decor.  I asked River to move. “No,” she said to me. “I am sharing your condo with you.”
“No, you’re not, my condo isn’t  big enough for you never mind the two of us.”  

“I am sitting with you in your condo right now,” she insisted.

“No,” I argued.  “You are sitting on me in my condo!”

“I don’t have one of my own, and you need to share yours with me,”  she whined.

“First our parents gave you Foley’s  Leopard Skin Vagina Condo.” I told her, “and you peed on it and then they bought a bed for you, and you wouldn’t sleep in it.”

“I didn’t like them. I like this one,” River said.
“But you’re too big for it!” I shouted.
“I am not, I am sitting in it right now.”  

“All that’s in it is your butt and tail.”  

“That’s all I want in it.”

“You can’t say you are in a house if only your tail is in it.” 

“If I had a big tail, you wouldn’t say that, don’t discriminate against me because I have a small tail.  Why don’t you go sit with Mommy?”

“Because your big ass is blocking the entry!”  I shouted. River humphed and stayed sitting.

So, if you’re looking for me, I’ll be stuck in my condo behind River living without light or food until she decides to move.  

Today’s lesson:  Never share your condo with a sibling.


  1. wow that was brave to say that to a girl... hahaha I hope she isn't as furious as my mama when someone talks about her ice cream cemetery ;O)))

  2. ROFBOL Yups Tabby Cat always insisted on sharing Mom's lap w/ me. (There was barely room for me on Mom's lap, so of course Tabby was sitting on Me on Mom's lap). Totally understand.

  3. BOL....BOL....we think that is exactly how stellie felt everytime mom brought home a new bed for us to try. Stllie would clap her hands, I would walk over to it, and squat and pee on it a little, Gusser would come over to it, lay down, stand up and raise his leg and pee on it alot. Poor Stellie never got to have a nice clean bed. Mags

  4. Wouldn't it be a shame if a truly huge "bug" bit River in the butt while she had it in your condo!?

  5. Mackey is our littlest dog and she thinks she's a big dog so though we all like to sit on Mom's lap, we usually stretch out on the cool tile or find an air vent to sleep on. We all like our space.

  6. BOL - we think it might be time to try another of those bigger condos, maybe one that is big enough for two to share:)

    Woos - Lightning, Misty, and Timber

  7. HA! I always have to share here!

  8. We hear that big butts are all the rage among humans

  9. BOL!!! OMD, you two are the funniest terrierist on the planet!! I hopes your peeps buy River her own Butt Condo, so you can have yours back. If you needs me to send rations, just text....
    Ruby ♥

  10. I can't say that I've ever had that problem. When Miss Ginger and Joey dog were still with us, we would all lay on the couch or the doggie bed. I miss them now that I'm the only doggie.

  11. Maybe a bigger condo is the answer!
    Hazel & Mabel

  12. are too funny Pocket! We sure hope River moves soon!!
    Rosy, Jakey & Arty

  13. What a hilarious story... except that I think that it might be true. Are you still stuck in there Pocket?

    And is there really a Leopard Skin Vagina Condo in your house?

  14. Oh, poor Pocket!!! And River got the vagina condo. Sheesh!!!