Dear
Aunt Foley: What is going on with some of these Santas? I just read
about one who wouldn’t let a little disabled girl get her picture taken
because she had a pitbull as a therapy dog. Are all these Santas
created equal? - Hattie Mae
Dear
Hattie Mae: In a word no. When I was a young pup Mommy used to tell
me that all the different Santas were his elves. With my excellent
sniffer I could tell if they were Santa’s elves they had spent a lot of
time drinking from a flask on the sleigh ride over.
Then
Mommy decided to give me the straight scoop. Some of these men were
wonderful, gentle, kind gentlemen who loved children and dogs and wanted
to add to the joy of Christmas. And some of them were just unemployed
fat bastards looking for easy Christmas pay.
And
it’s these unemployed fat bastards who cause problems. But you know
who else causes problems? The Santas who don’t even make an effort to
be fat. I saw a couple of Santas at Petco recently and they didn’t have
any padding.. How does a parent explain to a child that Santa is under
so much stress he has become anorexic?
You
think I want my picture taken with a Santa who looks like he’s on the
Atkins Diet and has his beard hanging off so his mustache is in his
mouth and it looks like he has a hairy tongue? And wash your suit! No
one wants to sit on someone’s lap to get their picture taken with a
suit with a year of hair on it.
So
come on department store Santas you have an important job: You are the
living embodiment of the kindest man in the world and you have a great
image to hold up so clean yourself, use padding if you need it, be jolly
and most of all be nice. If not one of us dogs might take a bite out
of your big fat red butt.
