Foley Announces Her Resignation As Doggy Pope

Hello my fellow beloved dogs.  After much thought and prayer I have decided that, with my advancing age, it would be best if I stepped down as Doggy Pope.  I no longer feel that I can carry out the requirements of my duties and think another dog would better meet the needs of the dog church.

(I’m not really the Doggy Pope.   No bunch of little red birds elected me to anything.  I investigated things and realized that there was no Doggy Pope.  But wouldn’t it be cool to be Doggy Pope?  Then I thought some more.  It probably wouldn’t be that cool.  But Doggy Pope Emeritus, that would be cool.)

I have been honored to be your Doggy Pope.  I think that we have worked together to make the world a better place for dogs everywhere.  Today I called a meeting of the cardinals to discuss my retirement.

(I did meet with the cardinals today and told them I was stepping down as Doggy Pope and they told me they didn’t care about a Doggy Pope and to leave them alone, let them fly, eat their seed, make their nests and care for their eggs.  I promised to let them be.  Except David Freese who I made stay because he keeps Pocket entertained with his ball throws.)

I instructed the cardinals what kind of dog I think should succeed me and then we detailed plans to build a giant ten million dollar leopard fur vagiina kitty condo on the side of the Vatican. (Ca-ching!  I get ten extra kibbles when I write a sentence no one could ever have imagined seeing in print.)  I will stay here during my retirement where I will not comment on what the new Doggy Pope does except for eye rolls to my staff and clicks of the tongue while shaking my head.

The reason I wrote this is that I am hoping, in the confusion of being Pope less, the cardinals will build a million dollar leopard fur vagina kitty condo for me on the side of the Vatican.  Makes as much sense a building a million dollar condo for the new Pope.  That is like have George W Bush living in the maintenance shed in the White House.  Then again he might do less damage there.)

So I thank you all for being my great subjects.  I hope I did right by you.  I know I am supposed to give you my Pope anklet to be smashed but I am buried it and good luck finding it.  And my red booties too.  Also n I am keeping the Pope Doggy Stroller.  So now I retire from public life, unless the Queen doesn’t get better.  I can trade in my big hat for a crown in a second.  Good luck and goodbye.