Lately there has been lots of blogs about zombies. Kolchak’s and Felix’s Mom even took place in something called the zombie apocalypse over the weekend. People took scary pictures of themselves with zombie gore on them and posted it on line. I didn’t like this at all.
I don’t want my parents to be zombies. I like them just the way they are. But if you must know here are my top ten reasons for not wanting my parents to be zombies.
10. Zombies are terrible walkers. They don’t hold on to the leash. They don’t walk in a straight line so they are always tripping over you. They never remember the way home. No matter how much you tug they only stumble the way they want to go.
9. They don’t pick up your Vick. If they do they taste in then throw it down in anger.
8. If you see a human and bark at them, then walk over to them wagging your tail to get petted, they eat them.
7. If you chase a squirrel day after day, and finally catch them, your zombie parent eats them too.
6. Every morning for breakfast: Brains.
5. The importance of grooming, both yours and theirs, becomes completely unimportant.
4. They don’t like to sit, and when they do, their laps aren’t warm.
3. When you pay play fetch with zombies they throw the ball and, after your retrieve it, and bring it back, they have wandered off after some brains.
2. They are undead, they have body parts falling off, but they still get mad if you pee on the rug.
1. It turns out the undead are cat people.