Friday, June 29, 2012

Foley Monster Gets in a Twitter War with a Twit

All dogs can identify that during the day aggressions build up and we need to let them loose.  Some of us go outside and run in circles, some go outside and chase vermin, some snap at their siblings, some zoom around the house.

I go on Twitter and see if there is any celebrity who I can make angry.  I read the news, and if I think of something snarky to say, I type with my my paws and hit the send button.

Last week there was a story about how the National Football League was cracking down on it’s players to stop them from being involved in setting bounties on players.  This stemmed from a team that paid players extra to injure their opponents and knock them out of the game.  Now, this made me think what would be the opposite of knocking a player out of the game, and it made me think that the opposite was making sure the player stayed in the game.  So what I needed was a player who was knownfor missing tackles instead of making them.

Now we are a New England Patriot family.  A few years ago we drafted a player named Brandon Merriweather.  He was supposed to be a really good player but he spent most of his time missing tackles.  This gave me the idea for a tweet and I typed this:  “Brandon Meriweather (@BMeriweather31) excited about NFL new anti bounty policy because now he can be paid extra for missing tackles “  If you aren’t a football fan this may not make sense but if you are it is barking hilarious.  

This isn’t the worst thing I have tweeted.   Just in the past couple of months there have been:
Rodney King's family needs money to pay for the burial service. They ask: Can't we all get a loan?
Lindsay Lohan's nap scares producers but not as much as her nap scared the woman who was in her passenger's seat when she hit the truck
It was a such a beautiful day today I want to go out and punch zooey deschanel right in the ovaries

I don’t really mean to upset anyone.  I’m just a small dog looking to get rid of aggressions by poking fun at the most fortunate of society.  I didn’t expect to get bitten back  But that’s what this Brandon Merriweather did.

He sent me a tweet that told me I was a nobody, that I wanted to be “be”, and for me to get a life.  Well how rude.  I would send you a link to it but the next day he took it down.  I think he did because someone said to him  “Yo, you’re arguing with a little dog, not cool dude.”

But his response reminded me of another Princess who couldn’t spell and said mean things to me.  She didn’t last much longer than I think this Merriweather character is going to last.  He especially reminded me of the Princess with his inability to spell.  

I am not sure what he meant by me wanting to be “be.”  Did he mean I wanted to be him.
I don’t want to be him.  He seems to be a bully to me.  One of those bullies who pick on sweet innocent wise ass Yorkies.   Or does he want me to be a bee?  Or worse a half a be?  All in all he confused me very much.  And I don’t want him to come after me.

So I asked Daddy what to do.  He said the best place to hide from Brandon Merriweather is to wait until it is third and long and then stand 30 yards down field over the middle.  Brandon Merriweather has never been seen there before.  (Again, if you’re not a football fan you don’t get this but if you are you find it hilariously funny.)

Mr. Merriweather plays his ball in our nation’s capitol now and I think he will be unable to clear the low bar that adequate work ethic is measured in that city.  To the Washington fans I can send only sympathy as you approach a fall of missed coverages and broken tackles.  But if you don’t know which player Mr. Merriweather is I can point him out to you.

He is the one wearing no sense of humor.


  1. You crack me up. Maybe I should give twitter another shot... tried it a couple of times, but didn't really get it. You make it sound like tons of fun though!

  2. Hey Foley Monster - are you aware that you have word verification on? Dude, it's next to impossible.. no, it IS impossible to make out the 2nd word. It would be easier for those who want to leave a comment if you would change the setting so you just "moderate" the comments before they're published. Thanks.

  3. We're big football fans and we have some 49ers that we would trade for Merriweather except at least our players have a sense of humor. They have to, otherwise they would be jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge.

  4. Foley Monster you are HOL funny. We love it. You carry on. Now I am going to be thinking who I could twit to annoy. The possibilities are endless. Happy Saturday to you and yours.
    Best wishes Molly

  5. My daughter told me about this last night, assuming she heard about it on FB. Love it! You should of taken a screenshot of his reply. They are all a bunch of Big Babies.

  6. hahahahaha... tweet for twit... you have proven who is a real twit here... Me, my fav way to displace aggression? I beat the crap out of old no. 7. I have this ugly toy I call no. 7. What the Vick. It is a rubber Vick--- ya know...Pooh I drag that thing and beat it like I have money on it's death. And then I read stuff like this and smile: Anywho, I get your tweets!


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