Thursday, June 7, 2012

K9 Kamp III: Minute to Kill Him

I am very happy to report that I have completed another K-9 Kamp Challenge although, while I love my K-9 Kamp coordinators, if I am to be perfectly honest, I did not like this week’s challenge.

Now I have talked with Foley about it and she tried to explain it. The challenge was called Minute to Win It. I guess it was named after a lame TV game show, and must give thanks that at least it wasn’t named Fear Factor. Foley told me the challenge was geared to those who do not have time to play with their pups because they work or have other commitments. She told me they weren’t as lucky as us pups who have parents working from home. Working from home? What a crock. You know who else works from home? Presidents. ‘Nough said.

The idea is to squeeze in challenges even if you only have a minute to do them. Well to me the first minute of a challenge is just warming up. I mean one minute? The Patriots win the toss, elect to receive, run it out to the 30 then run the ball up the middle and the ball game is over,

So I decided on my own to change the challenge. I changed it to Kill Him in a Minute. and the Him is, of course, Daddy. My first try was to take the thrown ball and nudge it all the way down the hall and between the dryer and the washing machine. The timing to this was crucial. I had to do it just as the washer entered the spin cycle. Now Daddy came crawling down as I barked by the machine. I nosed to him where the ball was. He reached in between the thin space between the washer and dryer just as the washer hit the spin cycle and Daddy got shaken like Michael Duncan at the end of The Green Mile.

He was able to extricate himself when the spin cycle ended. His arm was two inches longer. Not that he thanked me even though now it was easier for him to reach the balls. I immediately moved on to my second challenge, which, also, unselflessly cented on my Daddy’s health. He sat in his recliner, put up his feet, and leaned back. I jumped on the back of the couch and used my deep, dangerous, “hey there is someone in the back yard” bark and growl. After several times telling me to stop Daddy got curious and stood up, good cardio, and looked out the window, good stretching, and finally went outside, good stair work and walking.
I was able to get him to do this three times. Every time he did it he got angrier, jumping out of the chair faster, moving outside quicker, his blood pressure rising. I tell you I could be a personal trainer for humans. The third time he went out I planned the new game. Sniff out the poo.

I took three little vicks in the house. One near the front bathroom, one near the master bathroom, and one between the bureau and the TV stand. Now this took some work. I had to projectile vick. Now this is hard. What you have to do is squat just right, breathe deeply through your nose, fill your lungs, and then try to breathe out your butt. You do it right, for a little dog, you can toss one about two feet, for a big dog, I betcha you could get it over the fence and into the mean neighbors yard (extra points for bouncing it off the Prius.)

Daddy then had to crawl around and find the hidden little gems of poo. Part of this challenge is to have him go by the poo, and back up, because backward crawling is a very good challenge. It took Daddy five minutes to get all the poo. It really wasn’t a great time but I think he can improve it.

Foley wanted to get into the fun. At night, in bed, just before Mommy and Daddy went to sleep, with the lights off, Foley started making a sound like she was releasing air from a helium balloon. She had been working on this sound all day. Both Mommy and Daddy bounced down the bed. Mommy held her and Daddy stroked her throat. As soon as they were awake she stopped, but Daddy still spent half the night awake waiting to see if she made the sound again. The next day he had to get through the day with very little sleep. This didn’t help him get healthier but did almost kill him. If Foley and I had a few more minutes we would have done the job.

So, while I didn’t get much of a work out during the minute to kill him challenge Daddy did. And that’s all that counts.

This is a bog hop

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