Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Foley Takes on Big Dog Pharmaceutical
Well the humans who waste their time studying dogs have done it again: They have spent millions of dollars coming up with something completely useless that foolish human parents will flock to buy.
It is an oxytocin nasal spray that strengthens the bond between pet and parent. This spray is also known as the “love hormone” and it causes dogs to want to bond with their humans more. If you are a human, and this appeals to you, meet me in the next paragraph:
Look, buddy, if you need a drug to get your dog to be more affectionate to you, your problem may not be pharmaceutically related. You see, humans are our entire life, and if we aren’t responding to you then maybe it’s time to look at the freak in the mirror.
I guess some humans need us to be like caricatures of Vietnamese prostitutes during the war, wanting us, upon their entry into the home, to roll over on our backs, look up at them, and say “me love you long time, me so horny.” I, for one, find the entire thing repugnant.
And to all my human sisters out there, all my single ladies and those spoken for too, ask yourself these questions: Who are so needy that they have to invent a potion to make them more attractive to their dogs? Answer: Men. And honies, they are just trying this on dogs, believe me these lonely souls will be trying to figure out a way to make you snort their love juices.
The creators of the product claim that one whiff of the oxytocin will create behaviours including sniffing, licking, gentle touching with the nose or paw, playing and resting in contact with the other's body. Now does that sound like it’s made for dogs or other humans?
So beware both my pup and my human sisters. When a man tells you to sniff them, run behind the couch and hide.
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