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River Gives Her One Year Employee Reviews

It has been nearly a year since I left my Florida family to take over management of a Massachusetts family (no one told me about the cold.  Who wouldn’t tell someone about the cold?  I was less than a year old. Geez)  I was replacing Judge Foley Monster who accepted a position of great importance at Rainbow Bridge.  It was an honor to be replacing Judge Monster but I will repeat, as I have often done to her, her dream meetings to guide me, while appreciated, are not needed.

Now, I think it is proper, after a year of supervision, to give my staff reviews.  I will share them with you, my loyal friends,

Mommy:  Overall your work has been excellent.  You are a wonderful snuggler.  I love lying against you while I sleep at night and you give excellent lap.  The food is served promptly and sometimes with surprises like chicken and pumpkin.  You could be a little more reasonable when others make small errors, like when I pee on the couch, or when I run around the house like a mad dog and knock something over, or I pull something out of the trash and eat it.  So you need to set a goal of working on your temper.  Also you need to improve on your time management.  You should be sitting more.  When I follow you around the house with my nose on your heels you should sit immediately and not be doing “house work” or “paper work” or “work.”  Overall I think you are doing more than a satisfactory job and look forward to your improving this upcoming year.

Daddy:  The work is satisfactory but could use improvement.  The walks are good and usually on time but more time letting me sniff and explore strange new smells would be appreciated.  You provide adequate snuggle, if not as soft as Mommy, but sometimes I wake up and your head is resting on my buttocks which I find unsettling.  You do an excellent job with my treat balls are night.  Your combination of pumpkin, kibble, health bars, and cheese is first rate but when I finish them I am disappointed that you do not refill them.  You playing with me, moving my stuffed toys over the floor, and holding them up high so I can jump up and get them is good, but you spend too much time playing with Pocket and not enough playing with me.  I hope to see improvement in the next year

Pocket:  When Foley hired me for this job she did say that my assistant would be lacking in many qualities and she was right.   You seem  to think she can lay on Mommy’s lap whenever she wants; she thinks she can eat kibble and treats when I am more entitled to them; she thinks the red ball is hers when it is clearly mine,; and she take attention away from me; plus her paper work is sloppy, her spelling is atrocious, her penmanship indecipherable; her math indescribable.  But she is warm to sleep against, she is very sweet to me, and is fun to play with when neither of us have a headache.  There is a lot of hope for, but little chance of, improvement.
Online friends and family:  Better than described.  Thank you for welcoming me into your computers, your lives, and your families.  I feel like I have become an international spokesman for grumpy dogs.  No improvements needed from you, just keep up the good work.


  1. Good reviews. You outline the areas needed for improvement in a most tactful manner.

    Mostly very funny.

  2. Is is your One year Gotcha Day, too?

    We think you did a fair job describing everyone's work ethic. We hope that the weakest points of each will be improved this year.

    XXXOOO Bella Roxy & dui

  3. Oh this was a really good post, you are doing a great job, our parents could use some improvements also, maybe we should write them down and give it to them.
    stella rose

  4. HAPPY HAPPY One Year on the New Job... We have NO idea WHY they did not forewarn you of the FREEZING temperatures above the Mason Dixon line. THAT is most unacceptable. Excellent Report on the Pawsitive and Negatives of their virtues.


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