Friday, August 15, 2014

Ask Aunt Foley

Dear Aunt Foley:  Last Wednesday I was in the kitchen, minding my own business.  There was a roasted chicken on the dining room table.  That chicken must not have been all the way dead because it got up and walked off the table then fell on the floor.   I know dead chickens should not be walking around on the floor so I picked it up in my mouth and killed it for sure.  Then Mom and Grandmom came in, found the chicken in my mouth, and blamed me for knocking the chicken off the table.  How do I prove my innocence? - Paco

Dear Paco:  Oh your Mom and your Grandmom owe you a big apology.  I have heard of these things before and know what happened.  The chicken was dead, but it came back to life.  What your Mom had on her dining room table was a zombie chicken.

Zombie chickens are very dangerous.  A zombie chicken ankle bite can be deadly for a human.  I must admit most dogs I know would have run away and hid but not you Paco.  You picked up the zombie chicken, shook it, and killed it.  And what thanks did you get?

Your Mommy and Grandmom blamed you for knocking the chicken on the ground and yelled at you.  It wasn’t done because they don‘t love you or don’t trust you but because the zombie chickens give off a force field that make humans unable to consider their existence.

But for the rest of us we would like to thank you for your selfless act.  You very well could have saved us all.  I ask all my friends on the mortal side of the Bridge to check any chicken brought into the house and if it smells like juicy chicken it is probably zombie chicken so get it in your mouth and kill it immediately.  Once the mainstream media begins covering the zombie chicken crises you will be thanked.


  1. We had a zombie turkey here once. It had the nerve to show up on a holiday, Thanksgiving. Don't worry, Samba took care of it.
    Morgan, Sebastian, the Porties, Syd and Mac

  2. Ah yes, we Beaglebratz haf herd of theze zombie chikenz BUTT we haf not seen'em - all we ever git in the Beaglebratz manor iz PEECEZ of a chiken. Hmmmm - wunder if all thoze peecez cood go bak in-tue one big (butt weird lookin) zombie chiken? Whaddaya think?
    Shiloh-Lord of the Manor'n Diva Shasta

  3. We find lots of zombie stuffs, but we're too short to get them.

  4. Wish some of da zombie chickens round here would make it to da floor.

  5. Our Harri got one of those Zombie chooks in his gob once. He sure killed it to pieces. There was almost nothing left of it by the time Mum found it. Well done to Paco, I reckon, and well done to our Harri too.

  6. What a brave fearless Paco. Wow saved mum and gran form the killer zombie chicken. Crikety these peeps do not know how lucky they are. You deserve a medal we say and the rest of the chicken LOL.
    Have a super Saturday.
    Best wishes Molly

  7. Wow! You are so brave...zombie chickens, I hear, are headless but they can still squawk...and you silenced the squawk...Bravo!