Dear Aunt Foley: Last Wednesday I was in the kitchen, minding my own business. There was a roasted chicken on the dining room table. That chicken must not have been all the way dead because it got up and walked off the table then fell on the floor. I know dead chickens should not be walking around on the floor so I picked it up in my mouth and killed it for sure. Then Mom and Grandmom came in, found the chicken in my mouth, and blamed me for knocking the chicken off the table. How do I prove my innocence? - Paco
Dear Paco: Oh your Mom and your Grandmom owe you a big apology. I have heard of these things before and know what happened. The chicken was dead, but it came back to life. What your Mom had on her dining room table was a zombie chicken.
Zombie chickens are very dangerous. A zombie chicken ankle bite can be deadly for a human. I must admit most dogs I know would have run away and hid but not you Paco. You picked up the zombie chicken, shook it, and killed it. And what thanks did you get?
Your Mommy and Grandmom blamed you for knocking the chicken on the ground and yelled at you. It wasn’t done because they don‘t love you or don’t trust you but because the zombie chickens give off a force field that make humans unable to consider their existence.
But for the rest of us we would like to thank you for your selfless act. You very well could have saved us all. I ask all my friends on the mortal side of the Bridge to check any chicken brought into the house and if it smells like juicy chicken it is probably zombie chicken so get it in your mouth and kill it immediately. Once the mainstream media begins covering the zombie chicken crises you will be thanked.