Dear Santa: Hello. It is Pocket Dog. How are you? I hope you are doing well. I know you get lots of letters this time of year and I wanted to start mine by inquiring about you. This must be a very stressful time of year for you. You are a heavy man, and you smoke, plus you are under a lot of pressure. Frankly you are a coronary waiting to happen.
I know I am supposed to write you a list of what I want this year. Foley always gave you a long list and River’s list is even longer. But I don’t have a list. I have everything I want. I have my one toy: My red ball. Mommy or Daddy throw the ball and I chase it. I mess around with other toys but this is the only one I am interested in playing with. I do wish that River would stop teasing me. She takes my ball and sits on it to hide it. I look all over the house for my ball and then I hear River snickering and I start barking then Mommy picks River up and throws my ball for me. I don’t want River to end up on the naughty list but if you could just give her a stern look I would appreciate it.
I hope I wasn’t bad this week. You know I have digestion issues. Every few weeks my poo comes out in a less than desirable form. This happened on Monday. When it does my belly hurts. When my belly hurts I like to climb up high. I was sitting with Daddy and I felt some pain, so I climbed higher, and I thought if I let out a little bit of pressure I would feel better and I did and let’s just say if you are a parrot you may be able to get away with pooing on your Dad’s shoulder but when you are a dog…...Well I have very good parents and they did not get mad at me and I hope that you don’t get mad at me either.
If I am on the nice list then please take all my gifts and turn them into acts of kindness for my sick or suffering friends, and for any sick parent, and if there is anything left over, and I can’t imagine there could be, but if so, please find some humans to adopt some pets who spend Christmas Eve alone in shelters because no one should be alone at Christmas.
As for me I am happy with my ball, and sleeping on the big bed snuggled next to my parents, and second bed (when we get up, but Mommy and Daddy have nowhere to go, so we get back into the warm bed and River and I play) and Mommy’s lap, and good kibble and treats, and wonderful friends.
So you see I don’t need much Santa because I am the richest dog in the world.