Tails From Rainbow Bridge: A rundown of Presidential candidates

On the mortal side of the Bridge I never paid much attention to politics.    It didn’t seem to me that much changed in my 13 years on Earth no matter who was the boss.  Since I crossed the River of Life to the immortal side I have even less interest in politics.  But I must admit the  Presidential race has piqued my interest the way going to the circus freak show interests me.

Here is my rundown of the candidates.

Hilary Clinton:  She looks like the kind of woman who, when you are sitting on the couch, she sits next to you, knocks you on the floor, and tells your Mom that you jumped down.

Martin O’Malley:  The kind of Irish guy who stays home on St Patrick’s Day because he doesn’t like crowds.

Bernie Sanders:  Your Mom’s Uncle who comes over for dinner and when the food is done and everyone wants to go sit on the comfortable living room furniture where you can snuggle with them keeps talking for two hours and then says “Look at the time, I have to go” and you get no snuggle time.

Jeb Bush:  The kind of guy who would call a Yorkie a cat because he’s not really paying attention.

Dr. Ben Carson:  His nice, mellow voice tends to induce nap time.

Chris Christie:  I have mixed feelings.  On the one hand he seems sloppy which is great if he is eating at your house and you are at his feet eating his droppings.   On the other hand he can’t see where his is stepping and he could smush a small dog into the floor.

Ted Cruz:  He has a ferret face.  Never trust a man with a ferret face

Carly Fiorina:  The kind of woman who, if you sat on her lap, would knock you off, pull out a lint brush and spend ten minutes cleaning hair and fur from her dress.

Lindsey Graham:  I think he would insist I get dressed up for him then spend the rest of the night suggesting improvements on the design.

Mike Huckabee:  Now this guy I like.  He looks like an old hound dog.  And his name sounds like one too.  “Honey where is my slipper?”  “Huckabee ate it dear.”  “Good old Huckabee.”  He may get my coveted endorsement.

John Kasich:  Looks like the kind of guy who would prefer a lizard over a dog,

George Pataki:  I know that sound:  Patak  I make it just before I upchuck.  I can’t support a guy whose name sounds like upchuck.

Rand Paul:  Just strikes me as a guy who wouldn’t share his pizza with you.  It’s his pizza and if you want one go get your own.  Can’t trust a guy who won’t share the pizza.

Marco Rubio:  He looks like a little kid.  I like little kids.  Maybe some of you humans don’t want a little kid for President but as I see it you are screwed with all of these guys so go for the kid.

At least he will share the pizza.

Rick Santorum: This guy has cat guy written all over him.  Not that I mind cats but one of them can write a blog and endorse him if they want to.  This is my blog and I say no cat guy.

Donald Trump:  If a man isn’t smart enough to know he has a live squirrel on his head then how can he expect to get my endorsement?

I am going to have to think about this but the Hound dog guy is looking good to me.