I was enjoying a bright, sunny day lying in the sun on the soft grass outside my cottage overlooking Rainbow Bridge. I shut my eyes. Hopefully, I could nap. Then the sun went in. I opened my eyes expecting to see clouds. Instead, I saw my friends Tupper and Max looking down at me.
“Foley, wake up, we are going poo bowling!”
I squinted at them. “Poo bowling?” I asked.
“Yes,” Max said excitedly. “It is going to be awesome.”
My friends Max and Tupper had recently taken jobs at the Fun Factory. This was the spot at Rainbow Bridge where all mortal dog toys were created. Crack researchers, like Max and Tupper, invent and test toys. When they find one they love they send angels into the dreams of human toy manufacturers, who wake up thinking the creation is all theirs, and, a few months later, our mortal brothers and sisters are enjoying those very toys.
But poo bowling?
“It is going to be bigger than the I-Phone,” Tupper said.
“The best thing is that it is inexpensive,” Max chirped in excitedly.
“What exactly is poo bowling?” I inquired.
“Walk with us and find out,” Tupper said, gently pulling me up by the ear. “I will explain as we walk.”
We started off walking towards the flat, green, bowling area. “You know all dogs love bowling,” Tupper said. Did I? “But we have never been able to perfect the ball return. Dogs would have to nose the ball towards the pins, then, after the pins were knocked down, run and get their balls. It was tiring. I was thinking how do we eliminate that problem. First I came up with using our balls, but ladies would be at a disadvantage, and humans love cutting our balls off, so that is when I thought about poop. You poop it, you roll it, you knock the pins down, and when it is your turn again, you poop some more.”
“It is brilliant,” Max said.
I wasn’t so sure.
We arrived at the poo bowling fields. All around were sets of ten pins, and dogs were rolling their poop towards them. Tails were wagging everywhere.
We reached an open alley. “Are you ready?” Max asked.
“What do I do?” I asked.
“You poop, and then you roll it,” Tupper said.
“Guys, we’re immortal, we don’t have to poop,” I said.
“We can still poop for fun,” Max replied.
During my four years at the Bridge I had never pooped, but when I tried, I did. I then took it in my paw, and rolled it to the pins, knocking down seven. I let out some more, rolled it again, and picked up the spare.
It was exhilarating. I was not only playing; I was contributing part of myself to the game. Of course, I had questions, mainly about how a dog could keep producing poop but Tupper assured me, correctly, that he had never known a dog who didn’t have a spare stool when he needed to make a spare.
So this Christmas, when your parents buy you a bowling set with no balls, know you have your old friends Max and Tupper to thank and get ready for some poo bowling.