Sunday, February 20, 2022

Buying Friskies in the Projects

 

The police parked their car in the street and watched a collection of young, hooded men with saggy jeans yelling out, "Got that Fancy Feast! Got the Nine Lives you love. Got that good pate. Got tender morsels in gravy."  

The cops witnessed a woman in a mini-van pull onto the street and drive slowly towards the men. She stopped, and one of them strutted towards him. After a brief conversation and an exchange of money, one of the dealers handed the woman a can.

The cops hit the lights. The dealer ran off with his black coat filled with cans, but the woman became boxed in. The police got out of their cars; guns were drawn. The woman shouted that she didn't have anything. The lead narc looked in her car and said she knew she was lying: A can opener on her seat gave her away.

The woman was arrested for buying cat food in the open air, an unknown law; the dealer was not caught, and it did not matter to the cops. Since the shortage began, illegal cat food dealers have grown by a thousand. Ten more will be on the corner pushing chicken florentine in gravy if they get one off the street.

The woman was brought into the station and booked. She told the officers that she had a cat at home going through the withdrawals. She brought the police to the house and found the kitty behind the couch panting, in serious need of a fix; luckily, they gave her a taste of beef in a savory sauce to quell her withdrawal. The cat is being fed Blue Buffalo and Instinct food via a feed tub at the Shan Ford clinic. Sadly, six out of ten cats are back on the Fancy Feast within a week of discharge, leading their mother right back to a life of crime.

Law enforcement officials are determined to get the cat food off the streets and back on the shelves where it belongs. But, until then, the black cat market will continue to thrive unless the cats can learn to like other food.

Let's face it, that's not happening.

8 comments:

  1. MOL! I'm so glad someone finally figured out what's going on with the foods, splains a lot!

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  2. that could be really real...our online dealer has no longer food for us, do you think he is in jail too?

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  3. Oh my! We knew cat food was hard to find but had no idea!

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  4. Angel Madi would be in a world of hurt. She only 'liked' 3 flavors of Fancy Feast and it had to be Pate. She would not eat chunks or sliced.
    Hugs Cecilia

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  5. Unbelievable! Hope things don't come to that!

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  6. It's a forced weight loss program ...

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  7. Yes, we've heard about the shortages. But we didn't know that stuff was like crack cocaine! Good thing our Mom can still get us good meat from the grocery store, or....well, we don't want to know. XOX Lucy, Chia and Xena

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