I am happy to announce that I have finally settled on a role in our family’s legal Dynasty. I am now River Sing bailiff first class.
Every time court is in session; I get to say, “hear ye, hear ye all those who have business in front of the Honorable Judge Monster, please rise,” and then Foley struts out to her favorite Wu-Tang song and takes a seat behind the bench.
I stand by her bench, and if anyone misbehaves, I hit them with my stare of doom. That and my resting bitch face keep the proceedings in order.
I also act as a bailiff at the new angel swearing-in ceremonies. When a new angel crosses the Bridge, I escort them up Enzo’s Escalator to Hobo’s Landing, then stand next to Foley as she executes the angel Oath.
All new angels are sad, scared, and traumatized by their passing into the River of Life and coming out of the water in full angel form. I help to convince them to cross the Bridge, so they don’t become trapped in Purgatory. For many new angels, I am the first semi-friendly face they see.
Foley, having suffered an addition when I arrived, was granted leave to accumulate me into the angel family. Her way of doing this was to sit on the beach and down Foleytinis. We grieve in our way.
After I passed, the rate our friends crossed over decreased enough for Foley to consider retirement if it meant more of her friends remained mortal.
But alas, nothing stops time from passing over. This week a friend, 17-year-old Kahlua Joy, a lovable, cute, fun-loving pup, fiercely loved by Mama Fern and carrying a hundred times her weight in memories, pulled her body from the River of Life. She sat on the banks dripping water into the River, creating little ripples of love and sorrow.
When we come to the Bridge, the transformation can wipe our minds, so I first told Kahlula her name and reminded her of her mom’s tremendous love and subsequent heartbreak. Once I reminded her who she was, I informed her of who she would be: A dedicated angel who could now go anywhere with her mom, keeping her body warm by snuggling in her as I do and fighting off any misfortune her way.
Then I led her over the Bridge and to Foley, who proudly gave her the angel oath. Then all the spirits who lived with her mom before Kahlua and the friends who had preceded her affectionately greeted the Bridge’s newest arrival with 1,000 kisses.
Kahlua played with her friends, re-experiencing her youth, now that her body was young and carefree again.
We all worked hard and continue to do so to make sure Kahluau doesn’t sink into one of the Bridge’s many pits of despair.
Being a bailiff is more emotionally taxing than I expected, but as I watch Kahlula acclimate to the Bridge and knowing I helped with the transition sure is worth it.