Poetry Thursday

This week's inspiration from the Two Spoiled Cats

Three men, two of them tall

Stood outside a horse’s stall

They needed work because they were in economic freefall

And they decided the rodeo was the place to make a windfall

The owner stood against the wall 

As the three men made a pitch the hope they would enthrall

They told the man what would befall

If they were hired to do a trick everyone would recall

‘’The three of us will make a human wall

Tim and I upright on either side and upside down will be Paul

He will open his leg in a wide sprawl

And the charging horse will jump and push off Paul’s ball.’’

‘’Excuse me,’’ Paul said his face appalled

‘’I don’t think it should be me, I was born

with balls that are small

If you don’t believe me here is

my Mom’s number and you can call

Honestly, I don’t want a horse crushing

my ball, not at all’’

But the other two stuck to their guns

despite the way Paul does bawl

Ready to face whatever might befall

The horses came like they were being chased by a fireball

The first three made it but the fourth one on Paul did fall

The two men went to Paul whose pain

could be seen in his eyeballs

Tim asked if he was ok and Paul said

’I had my balls crushed by a leaping stallion,

what do you think you sloth brain neanderthal?’’

Tim said he was sorry that Paul had a pitfall

And said ‘’You need to get up, in ten minutes

we have another curtain call.’’

Since that day the prosperous trio performed

have performed until 1,000 nightfalls

And they watched their money snowball

Aided by an item Paul saw in a store in Senegal

A giant steel cup to protect his balls

Wordless Wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

When Tom couldn't balance on one leg he knew the police wouldn't believe he only had catnip before driving .

Monday Question

 Because it is too hard to type with paws we need our parents to write for us.

Which on of your pets' voices do you think matched their personality?

Which one of your pets' voices were the most difficult to capture

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Ruby's Answer: I have been told by my parents that the way they wrote Foley's voice matched her personality, with me being a close second.

The Ruby Rose Report: When I Get a Treat

 

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There are certain times a day, or things that occur during the day, that I should get a treat. To mavke sure I don’t miss one I have written them down.

1.  When I am forced out of my warm bed, and put on the cold floor to start my day.
2. When my parents take medication in the morning I get a treat.
3. If anyone puts anything in their mouths I should have something edible placed in my mouth.
4. When my parents sit down for breakfast, and my butt has been warmed from the floor grate, I get some treats.
5. After I ate breakfast I got to my snuggle mat to self-soothe myself with a treat, a reward for eating that kibble.
6. After Mommy showers, she feeds the washing machine with dirty clothes. If the washing machine eats, then I eat. I get a treat. 
7. At lunchtime, my parents have light faire, crackers, and cheese, and I get treats. If I don’t I stand on Mommy’s chest and won’t move, If I am not eating then no one is eating.
8. If I go to the kitchen window, look out, and don’t see anything, I bark for whoever is there to show themselves. To get me to stop I get a treat. 
9. If I go to the kitchen window I see something outside and bark at it to go to sleep I get a treat.
10. If I walk into the kitchen determined to bark at something, and my parents want silence, I get a treat.
11. If I follow one of my parents into the pantry or bedroom and am not quick enough to follow them out the door, so I get stuck in there, for upwards of a minute before they realize I am missing, and after freeing me I get a treat.
12.  When my Mom begins to make supper I get a treat.
13. When my parents are eating I get treats,
14. When I am eating my parents don’t get treats.
15. To get in the recliner with my Mom at night I get a treat.
16. When my parents have a little desert I get treats in my snuffle mat and tornado.
17. When it is bedtime and my Dad is taking his pills I get a treat.
18. I get a pig’s ear to chew at bedtime. It is not a treat. It'sv the severed body part of a pig who snitched on the cows. Don’t mess with the cows.
19. When my half hour of ear chewing is done I get a treat.
20. After that I am thirsty I get down, drink water, and stop by the snuggle mat for treats. Then I go to sleep and dream about treats,

Foley's Tails From Rainbow Bridge: Searching for Hope

 

A prayer request came from seemingly nowhere. It could not be traced back to any person, animal, or even an instinct. The Power That Be assigned me, who has an excellent record of making dream wishes come true.

But this was going to be my most difficult case.

Because this prayer was only four words long

“Help me find hope.”

I assumed that Hope was a pet, so I assigned Pocket to check the missing pet prayer hotline. She found four missing animals named Hope, and we returned two cats, a parrot, and a cockapoo to their families.

I went to sleep knowing I had done the impossible again.

But. the next morning there was a prayer in my inbox. ‘’Help me find hope.’’

I asked Pocket to see if there were any people named Hope that recently went missing, but there were none.

Who was this Hope?

‘’Maybe it's not a living thing,’’ Pocket said.

I didn’t have time for Pocket’s silly theories. I needed to think so I threw Pocket’s ball for her to chase but she did not move. She must be serious. I tried to hide the annoyance in my voice when I asked how someone would want to find something that didn’t exist. 

‘Emily Dickerson said hope is the thing with feathers?’’ Pocket has become very well-read since transitioning to the Immortal side.

‘’There are a billion things here with feathers. Am I supposed to visit that big chicken coup in the sky and ask if any of the chicken's names is Hope?’’ This was a dangerous proposition. Most of the chickens hold a grudge because they were killed for food and every soul at the Bridge ate them. Chickens carry a grudge and I don’t blame them. Very few chickens die from natural causes.

Pocket explained that hope lived in our minds. It is what we have when we have lost everything else. The dogs wasting away in shelters with little chance of adoption have hope, those being held against their will hope, in the worst places, from German concentration camps to the top floors of the Trade Center on 9/11 they had hoped to keep them going, even if they went into the dark.

And that is when I knew.

We were born with hope, and we cling to it as we die. It stays near us while we live in case needed.

‘’I may know how to find hope,’’ I said. ‘’But I don’t know who asked,’’ I said.

Pocket looked at me wisely and said it probably came from a dream, of someone who didn’t know what hope it but does now.

Pocket at improved a lot since becoming an angel

So my advice is, whatever hope is, hold on to it. You are given it at birth, and never lose hold of it, no matter how dark things become. 

 

Poetry Thursday

 

Timmy, Joey, Tommy and Bob

Spent all day raising hell in the neighborhood

Tearing through gardens, riding their bikes into traffic, basically up to no good

Parenting them was an impossible job

They slept late and ditched school

They stole candy and made prank callsign Bob’s bedroom,

 Then they heard a giant boom

And saw four naked fat men drinking in a pool 

They hurried outdoors not believing what they had seen

And Bob yelled at the fast bastards to get out of his yard

But the men paid his words regard

And said they were the boys as adults from the future in a blow up pool time machine

The boys were not sure what to believe

Tommy inquired about what their future held in store

‘’It’s great,’’ his future self said - ‘’we’ve been to jail, got divorced and each lost three toes in the war.

But now thanks to time travel we can get a reprieve.’’

‘’How are we going to get rich?’’Joey asked excitedly  ‘’through bets? Or the stock market? Or predicting what will come?’’

Future Joey said they had a full-proof  way to raise their income

Handing his former self money he ordered him to buy as much Bud Light as they could get.

Bob asked how they were going to get rich buying Bud Light

‘’We take it to the future where it costs ten times as much and sell it for much more’’

The boys looked at one another and said they had to go indoors

Seeing their future selves filled them with fright.

And that day was when the boys stopped fooling around and getting the best grades in school.

And Tommy’s mother slipped outside and thanked the men who were pretending to be the adult boys

To scare them straight, it had been a brilliant ploy

Suddenly in a flash they are gone, leaving only behind Bud Light cans, and she wondered if it was really a blow up time machine pool 

wordless wednesday

 

Beat This Caption

 

Excuse me. Have you ever heard of knocking? 

Monday Question

 What is your favorite treat?

I love my Blue Buffalo Sizzler with bacon.

.Foley's Tails from Rainbow Bridge: Searching to Borrow a Lap of Kindness

Don’t let your angels fool you. While life as an angel is a lot less stressful there are things we miss. At the top of that list are our humans, and for us little dogs, what we do with them we miss the most is snuggling.

It is tragic when a human crosses the Bridge, but it is a delight to see them reunite with their beloved pets who are now angels. Being a judge, it is my job to check on the new angels to see how they are acclimating. 

Sometimes I see them playing ball with their new parents, some take their human angels for walks and show them their new surroundings, and then my favorite are those that snuggle with their parents. 

I am happy to see the humans and pets together but, like all beings with souls, I felt jealous. I want my parents to live a long life, but I do miss their company, and mostly their laps and their soft scratches. No pet ever feels as safe or loved as they do in that moment.

One of the reasons I am a judge is because I am an idea dog. I see a problem and I begin to think out of the box (unlike cats, who have never seen a box they didn’t want to climb into and think.) But having witnessed suffering I have become jaded. Sometimes it takes someone pure of heart and innocence to have the best ideas.

I was lamenting that all the good laps were taken when Pocket said to me it was too bad that all the humans who could not have had dogs when mortal couldn’t provide laps now know a dog’s love.

It was brilliant. I would start a service between humans who have never had a pet on their laps, and angels like me who needed to lie on a lap. I was going to call it Laps of Love until I learned it was the name of a strip joint in Syracuse. 

I began a Snuggle Match and soon angels who couldn’t have dogs, and when they crossed over they left their allergies behind, were signing up to get their days filled with snuggles.

So now, when an angel needs a lap, they call a willing angel, and then they spend hours snuggling together, relaxing, and remembering better times.

We all need a lap of kindness now and then and thanks to me and Little Pocket Laps dogs are finding the hardest thing, even on the immortal side.

Peace and comfort. 

 

The Ruby Rise Report: Covering My Ass

 

In life, even the most kind-hearted soul covers their ass, and I am included in that.

For me, the butt covering comes from the floor grate in the kitchen during the winter months.

When dawn breaks I am under the covers perfectly snuggled.

Then cold hands ripped me from my cocoon of warmth and pulled me into the warm air like a baby polar bear being born during a cold snap.

My parents keep the temperature low at night in the wintertime because the heat makes the room stuffy. I don’t mind. The colder my parents are, the more they need me in bed.

Immediately, the cold air hits me. I am placed on the floor. My parents get to wear footwear in the morning while I go paw commando.

Most dogs, at this point, have to go outside to do their business but when I arrived here a few weeks before my first birthday I was paper trained, and changing a dog’s bathroom habit is like changing a religion: It is difficult and at the end more trouble than it is worth.

When I arrived in July, and through the end of the summer months, my parents weren’t sure if they liked me doing my business inside the house, but when the lions arrived at night, they stole the leaves, dimmed the sun, and lowered the temperature, my parents, having for years gone out in the early morning and late at night and froze their private places off while one of my predecessors peed like an old man with a low bandwidth speed, they realized me peeing inside was a blessing.

After doing my business I go to the couch and lie on the back, which is comfortable, but it takes a while for the house to warm up, and I am stuck on high with a cold ass. As much as I hate to leave a comfortable spot I needed to warm my ass.

I get down, go into the kitchen, and sit on the grate until I have warmed my buns. My Mom complains I am blocking the heat, but this one time I don’t care what she needs. I don’t do the cold.

Sometimes I fart in the grate and it distributes my scent throughout the house.

Also, when I fart it opens me up a bit and warms my inside.

I stay there until my breakfast is ready. When it comes to a choice between heat and food I choose food but it is a tough choice.
My advice to all of you is when you have a chill you can’t beat, sit on it.

Poetry Thursday

They were them, her and him, in their youth after the war

They did everything together often hand and hand

They were sure it was a love that would withstand

But suddenly, after a job offer, they were split up when his family moved to Omaha

The couple swore the move would not drive them apart

At first they were pen pals writing every week

But soon they stopped writing and joined their own cliques.

And they stopped writing and they both became memories of the heart.

‘

They both married in their twenties and had families

Kids, dogs, cats and picket fences

They both had to find a way to meet expenses.

Sometimes, at night they would wonder about one another and think of those days of ease

The kids got married, had kids too, and soon retired

Their spouses soon grew sick

And they were soon widows and widower looking back at a life that passed too quick

It seems like both were waiting for their time to expire.

Alone now they both began to think of their former love.

He decided to search for her and asked for help from his grandson.

Who found a Facebook page with posts about her class reunion.

Then her page, with an address in her profile. He was certain he had got help from above

He thought about emailing her or putting pen to paper
But he knew to say what he wanted to say they needed to be face to face.

He drove back to his old hometown trying to quell the urge to race

He said a prayer when he got to her house to find something wise to say to her

He knocked on the door and stood straight

She opened the door and tears filled her eyes

All the years were swept away their old faces nothing but a disguise

Because while love may come early it never comes too late

Wordless Wednesdst

 

beat this caption

 

A horse named Trump

Monday Question

 Do you have any toys or games to stimulate your mind?

Ruby's Answer: I have a Tornado Treat Game and a snuggle mat

The Ruby Rose Report: Alien Invasion .

https://youtu.be/WNhFVrTrRpg?si=5_smgZyJX2yjJVk-

They arrived a couple of weeks before Christmas from seemingly nowhere. They were red and green and raced across my living room window. Despite my barking, they would not leave. 

They may have been invisible to the human eye because my parents rarely mentioned them.

They should have because I deduced the lights were the first wave of a Christmas invasion.

I prayed to River for answers. She floated down next to me a few nights before Christmas, after I had gotten out of bed, and was closely watching the lights from my kitchen window.  “I think you are onto something,” River said. “You must remain vigilant. Do not leave this window.”

I sleep in between my parents,  against one of them, so if the other awakens, and doesn’t feel me next to them, they think that I am against the other one. That allowed me to stay up at night watching the aliens.

And, caused me to sleep most of the day.

Then I discovered something stunning.

One day, after the sunset, the lights did not appear. I figured I had chased the aliens away, and was ready to take a triumphant nap, when I saw my Dad discreetly put his hand in a closed wooden box on the kitchen counter, slip a minuscule remote out the window, and press the button.

The lights started again.

My Dad was in on it!

I was stunned.

Then I thought about it some more and my Dad always seemed a step off, like someone who was trying to act human. And now I had discovered his secret. 

But should I say anything? Yes, my Dad was involved in a plot for aliens to take over the Earth. But he made the majority of the household income, he walked me, and he was 80% of my entertainment. And if the alien invasion was do to happy wouldn’t it be better to be on their side?

I quickly dismissed the thought. I needed to be loyal to my planet, at least until there was an offer for my loyalty on the table.

But there wasn't an offer on the table. But there was a remote that controlled the aliens. I had snuck out of bed that night, a few days before Christmas. I jumped on a chair, and then onto the table. I lifted my mighty paw, and smashed the remote, then put it in my mouth and chomped on it until the aliens disappeared.

And that is how I Ruby Rose, saved the human race.

(A note from River Song: It may have been meant to not be truthful with Ruby, that it was just a Christmas light projector lighting the side of the house, and shining through the windows, but when your little sister thinks she is saving the world you let her believe the illusion. Little dogs need to save the world, it's good for their self-esteem, especially at Christmas.)

Foley's Tail From Rainbow Bridge: Tiki - the Kitty Who Got Bad Advice

Sometimes angels give the wrong answer.

That is what happened to a cat named Tiki.

She is a 20-year-old cat from northern Massachusetts, near my birthplace (which has recently been named to the federal register of Yorkie birthplaces.)

Even more remarkable than Tiki’s advanced age is that she is a part-time outdoor cat who explores the area around the Nabnasset Lake in Westford MA.

For years Tiki was respected by the other animals who inhabited the riverbank as the toughest cat around. But recently she had slowed down, and the animals she used to dominate were stronger. Tiki also showed her age at home. She had unexpectedly peed outside her box, and her yaks were becoming more frequent.

       In her early life, Tiki had a cat brother named Tocky who was five years older than Tiki and had passed ten years earlier. Tiki began to feel like she was out living her time and told Tocky, who said in Eskimo culture, when a soul feels they have outlived their usefulness they get on the ice flow and slip out to sea. 

And that is what Tiki decided to do.

This week Tiki climbed on a floating piece of ice and began to float away.

Almost immediately Tiki realized she had made a terrible mistake. There must have been a way to shed off her mortal remains that were not so cold and wet.

Having had a change of heart Tiki prayed, mentioning she wanted any other angel than Tocky.  

It being an emergency, and me having an outstanding save record, I was assigned the case.

I went down to Tiki and told her there were a lot of people around who would be willing to save her,  and to sit still and that I would figure out a way to get a human’s attention. I got a squirrel to break a twig, causing a human woman to look in Tiki’s direction, and she saw Tiki floating away.

Success!

Then Tiki fell off the ice flow.

Disaster!

Tiki, shocked by the cold, was more determined than ever to survive, but keeping her head above the icy water was taxing.

The frightened woman called the first responders and animal control officers. She also got the attention of two construction workers at a nearby house. They got in a rowboat and stroked towards the kitty, using a shovel to break apart the ice. 

Tiki was losing hope when she was plucked from the ice. She was rushed into a house, wrapped in blankets, and then brought to the emergency vet where his temperature was taken. 

He barely registered one.

But, thanks to the vet, he was warmed up, and soon brought home, into the warm arms of his parents.

I visited Tiki that night in her dreams. She was cold, but thankful, and asked me to make sure Tocky knew he was forgiven.

I even spoke up for Tokey at the Angel review. He tried to do good but needed to tell the souls who prayed to him the opposite of the opposite of what his instincts said.

As for Tiki, the brave cat may have spent her last day outside, having learned to appreciate life on the couch, which everyone does.

But some of us need a near-death experience to appreciate the co=uch. 

Poetry Thursday

Once again, Angel Sammys and Teddys Pawetaton have provided us with a photo for Poetry Thursday

“My little girl is not going to dancing school!”

Jim told his wife when he learned his wife’s plan

“The boys have football, soccer, swimming and basketball.

I am sorry but in this house I rule.”

Jim’s wife Paula told him she didn’t know he felt that way

And she would tell daughter Suzie dancing was not for her

Jim said he was happy she obeyed him

But when he left the room Paula signed Suzie up for dancing school the next day

Jim was busy with the boys

Practices, games, and school

He was rarely home before nine

By that time Suzie was home from dance, had eaten and was playing with her toys.

On a Friday the wife came clean, explaining that Suzie had been taking dance classes

And the next night would be a recital

Which Jim was required to attend

He started to complain when his wife cut him off, saying don't be an ass.

The recital took hours

And Jim wished he was anywhere else

Bored to tears,  wishing he could slip out like a mouse

When his wife whispered “here comes ours.”

She came on stage at the end of her group dressed in pink

Suddenly Jim was sitting up

Acting like his son had got a first down

“She’s the most beautiful thing in the world,” he did think.

When she finished dancing Jim jumped to his feet

With tears in his eyes he the cheers

So loud that outside in the parking lot they could hear

He had never been prouder than of his little girl so pretty and sweet

                     

Wordless Wednesday

 

Best This caption

 

How come no one mentioned this during lamaze?

Foley's Tails From Rainbow Bridge: The Santa Tariff

 

As the holiday season comes to a close Americans are asking if they just had their last Christmas.

The tradition of Santa coming down the chimney and leaving gifts for children if the President-Elect follows through with his Santa tariff.

“Jolly Old St Nick isn’t too jolly for our toy manufacturers,” Trump said when announcing the proposed tariffs. While he is bringing free toys to the children, the economy is suffering, and our beloved department stores are closing in a manner no one has ever seen.

“Santa is treating these stores very unfairly,” Trump continued. “And Santa, in some way, has been very nice to me, and in other ways, he’s been t so nice.”

Experts say Trump is angry that for five years as a child he received coal in his stocking, but the President-elect denies the charge. “I was happy with coal. In fact, I asked for more. I wanted him to rip the top off a few mountains, but despite being a very good boy with a big brain I only got a small amount of coal.” 

During a news conference at the North Pole Santa did not dismiss the tariffs as being caused by a rift between the two fat white men. 

“He had a very long list this year,” Santa said. “I fulfilled most of it. I gave him all encompassing power, and the ability to crush his enemies, but I couldn’t get Greenland to fit in a sack.”

The plan is to, on Christmas Days, send millions of tax assessors into communities to enter houses, gather the receipts for the Christmas gifts, and if they don’t have a receipt it will be determined that the gift came from Santa, and the receiver will have to pay 20 percent of the retail price of that item. 

One frustrated parent with for small children said he didn’t think he would be able to give his kids another Christmas without the free gifts from Santa.

Trump said it will not be a problem. “The families won’t be paying, Santa will be. He can stuff in a stocking the tariff so the family is not harmed.” When he was told Santa did not carry cash Trump said: “Then bitcoin. Even better.”

With the next Christmas less than a year away the future of Christmas for good girls and boys is in question.

The Ruby Rose Report: Live From Her House It's Ruby Rose

 

Christmas was an important day for me, and not just because the night before Santa and the Grinch both visited, to varying success. My parents were going to Mommy’s brother’s house, leaving me behind, which I did not like, but it was going to be the first time that they left, and did not put me in my crate, I would be home alone, and queen of the castle.

I was anxious all day. My parents were going out at sunset, and while I waited I got an allotment of snuggle time to make up for what I would be missing. I also planned out the things I would do that evening.

First, I would take care of the tree imposter in my living room, and the Nutcracker soldiers who protected them. I planned to outflank it by approaching from behind Mom’s recliner sneak up on the soldiers then attack the tree from their left flank, roll up the enlisted men, summit the tree skirt, and pee on it, proclaiming it as my own. Once I have gained control of the tree I will order its removal from my living room.

I also had some rudimentary plans to get on a kitchen chair, on the kitchen table, then leap the ten-foot cavern between it and the counter where the treats are kept. River tried it once, to no avail, except smashing her head against the cabinet door, leaving a big dent, and a bigger mystery for my parents to untangle. 

While I was excited by my new adventure I still gave my parents a sad, pathetic look when they left. Leaving them such a look on departure guarantees a guilty parent and as the old saying goes “Guilty parent,  happy dog.”

I watched them leave from my spot standing at the kitchen window, then, as a child left home alone for the first time, I looked around the house, deciding what fun I could have going into places called the “Forbidden Zone.” (That is also what my Mommy, when talking to Daddy calls his private parts.)

I took two steps away from the window, then thought I heard something outside so I went to the window and barked for ten minutes, then started to walk away again, thought I heard something, and repeated the barking. This went on for four hours. Sometimes I climbed on a kitchen chair to have a better view of the driveway and barked.  I even made it to the couch and sat down for s second until I heard a cardinal burp and went back to the window barking. 

This continued for three and a half hours before my vigilance paid off when my parents got home. I was elated until I saw my Dad pick up the door camera and put it back outside.

So the entire time they were spying on me. I thought they trusted me. It was the biggest Christmas betrayal since the Holiday Inn manager switched the sign to “No vacancy” when he saw Joseph and a pregnant Mary approaching.

Incensed, I planned to withhold my affections, to not sleep with them, to make them beg me for forgiveness.

Then they fed me and I forgot the whole thing.

Dogs don’t hold grudges.

But, next time they go out I am going to put on a huge show for the camera.

If I can just get away from the kitchen window.

Poetry Thursday

 

Once again, Angel Sammys and Teddys Pawetaton have provided us with a photo for Poetry Thursday

Lulu the panda was the hit of the zoo

People lined up for hours just for a view

But Lulu choked on a piece of bamboo

And without her the zoo administrators didn’t know what to do.

They needed a new panda bear

But that there was only one place to work they were aware

They contacted China but what they heard left the workers to despair

China did not have a panda to spare

But, this was just propaganda

The truth was China was lousy with many a panda

The premier had sent out a memoranda

Stating the pandas wouldn be hidden in his farm in Madagascar

There were hundreds of pandas hidden on the farm

Where they were kept safe from harm

Hiding them was working like a charm

China maintained they had very few without raising alarm

But suddenly and without warning the pandas went on strike

There was much they did dislike

When the situation they snuck away ghost like

They sailed across the ocean and two weeks later 10,000 of them were marching down the Jersey turnpike

Their appearance turned the world upside down

Soon the once rare pandas were all around

A group of 69 took over Chinatown

And the zoos went out of business, and their owners had nervous breakdowns

Panda were no longer rare

,They were now the most common bear

 And every country had the same nightmare

To get rid of the pandas or soon they would be anywhere

Wordless Wednesdy