The Ruby Rise Report: Covering My Ass

 

In life, even the most kind-hearted soul covers their ass, and I am included in that.

For me, the butt covering comes from the floor grate in the kitchen during the winter months.

When dawn breaks I am under the covers perfectly snuggled.

Then cold hands ripped me from my cocoon of warmth and pulled me into the warm air like a baby polar bear being born during a cold snap.

My parents keep the temperature low at night in the wintertime because the heat makes the room stuffy. I don’t mind. The colder my parents are, the more they need me in bed.

Immediately, the cold air hits me. I am placed on the floor. My parents get to wear footwear in the morning while I go paw commando.

Most dogs, at this point, have to go outside to do their business but when I arrived here a few weeks before my first birthday I was paper trained, and changing a dog’s bathroom habit is like changing a religion: It is difficult and at the end more trouble than it is worth.

When I arrived in July, and through the end of the summer months, my parents weren’t sure if they liked me doing my business inside the house, but when the lions arrived at night, they stole the leaves, dimmed the sun, and lowered the temperature, my parents, having for years gone out in the early morning and late at night and froze their private places off while one of my predecessors peed like an old man with a low bandwidth speed, they realized me peeing inside was a blessing.

After doing my business I go to the couch and lie on the back, which is comfortable, but it takes a while for the house to warm up, and I am stuck on high with a cold ass. As much as I hate to leave a comfortable spot I needed to warm my ass.

I get down, go into the kitchen, and sit on the grate until I have warmed my buns. My Mom complains I am blocking the heat, but this one time I don’t care what she needs. I don’t do the cold.

Sometimes I fart in the grate and it distributes my scent throughout the house.

Also, when I fart it opens me up a bit and warms my inside.

I stay there until my breakfast is ready. When it comes to a choice between heat and food I choose food but it is a tough choice.
My advice to all of you is when you have a chill you can’t beat, sit on it.