The Ruby Rose Report: Momma's Got Wheels

 

My Mom has wheels.

They came in a box from the deepest darkest Amazon where you can get anything you want (excepting Alice.)

They came in a big box. I was told to beware of women with big boxes. Lots of remote controls were lost up there. I suppose they are popular, since I hear a lot about Big Box Stores (although I think it is something you should come by naturally.) People say you shouldn’t buy things from the Big Box store, or from Amazon. A big box from Amazon must be particularly troublesome.

Also, whenever we get something from the Amazon, even the tiny box ones, from the capuchin monkey line, it is trouble, because Daddy needs to put something together, and he will make a cluster of pucks from it, and will inevitably lose important parts, or they are too deep in the big box to be located.

Before the wheels were built Daddy asked Mommy to read the instructions, a perfect example of the cripples leading the blind to the bus station before sending them to panhandle in Omaha.

This was a breakthrough. Usually, Daddy likes to make a mess of things on his own, but now he requested help to give him deniability if he built it wrong and Mommy rolled all the way to the sea.

Fortunately, the big box contained an almost finished product, except for a couple of bars. This concerned me. I didn’t want my Mommy to drink and roll.

Mommy tried it out, wheeling around the house, and thenput me on the soft seat, and gave me a ride. I tried to relax and enjoy it but it was like taking your first ride in a plane designed by members of Congress. At any point I had to be able to bail.

Thankfully things with the roller have rolled right along.

Mommy still uses her cane most of the time, because she prefers to lurch than roll, but when she goes in the car she brings her wheels, in case the car wheels fall off, and my Mom can propel us home Flintstones time. 

She has even gone for walks with Daddy and I, or at least a walk. I usually meander about on walks, but nothing makes you pay attention like a Grammy with a license to roll.

Our rolling walks are short. You don’t want to wear out your big box wheels and have to take a canoe to the deepest part of the Amazon to return it. 

Plus, you have to wipe your wheels after rolling and the bigger the wipe the wider the rolls.

So now my Mommy is rolling on wheels of fire burning down the track.

Please notify our next of kin if those wheels explode