Foley learns she is a Senior Dog

It was an average Saturday night.  I was surfing the Internet looking for images of dogs in submissive poses when I incorrectly pawed the search engine and found an article on how to care for your senior dog.  

I have never considered myself a senior.  I am young, spry, have a cutting edge sense of humor, I am down with the the snizzle, and can more than handle my four year old sister.  I am still in my prime.

But according to this article not only was I no longer in my prime, I was four years past.  I read in disbelief that dogs become Seniors at age seven.  I am close to lapping Senior.  What comes after Senior?  Senor Wences?  If you understand the reference, you are a Senior.

Something this article says that I do agree with is that I need more attention and care.  I should get more lap time.  I should get all the belly rubs.  Pocket is four.  She should spend her days hunting and gathering.  She is in her prime.  She should be giving me portions of her food.  She should hold my paw as I cross the street.  She should be checking on my during power outages and bad snow storms.


The article said that “ideally” I should be seen by a veterinarian every six months.  Yes, and “Ideally” I would have fresh chicken every night.  The person who said this is, of course, is a veterinarian who would cash in on these twice yearly pinching, prodding, and butt violating humiliations.  She is from up Smoochy’s way in Wisconson.  Her name is Stephanie Sosniak.  Now that’s a made up name if I ever heard one.  She is probably in the veterinary vetness protection program.  Probably misdiagnosed Gotti’s Goldy with gout.    If you take nothing else from this blog take this:  Seniors shouldn’t see Stephanie Sosniak.

The second paragraph dealt with dental care.  I am a very friendly dog who goes for many walks here in our village of the pruned.  Many of the pruned people bend down to rub me and talk to me.  Take my word for it:  We aren’t the ones with dental of breath problems.

Regardless I do get dental care frequently.  After much debate, whining, crying, and hiding we finally got Daddy out from behind the rocker to provide dental care.  Since neither Pocket or I will tolerate anything being jammed into our tiny mouths (unlike the dreaded thermometer we have a spray for our teeth.  We still hide whenever we see the spray bottle.  Daddy pulls back our lips and blasts our teeth the rubs it in while we are stunned from the spraying.  Frankly I find this to be a major violation and something that should be litigated.  But darn I’m so addicted to the minty fresh taste I’m ready to bathe with Whitney.  (If you think it’s too soon remember, I live in doggy time, and to me it’s been weeks.)

My parents need to monitor me for changes in behavior.  If I go from grumpy to b*tchy they should take notice.  They do watch for changes in my appetite and thirst which is a pain because some days I’m just thirsty.  I appreciate them watching over me but they do when I pee, poo, drink, eat.  Sometimes a lollipop just needs her privacy.


And stop worrying about my weight.  I weigh seven pounds.  People deliver babies bigger than that.  How something my size fits out of there, that I don’t know.

And then there is exercise.  I don’t mind.  But sometimes I just come to a full stop and get pulled for awhile.  I think it’s just me being ornery then me not wanting to walk.  But I am not chasing that stupid ball like Pocket.

So in summation here is what I took from the article.  I must accept that I am a senior dog and I need to make some changes.  I definitely need more attention.  But only the good kind, the more treats, the more food, the more laps, if I am in the mood the more exercise.  And I just can’t quit that minty tooth stuff.  But as for the weight and water and more vet appointments and watching me all the time back off.  I’ll let you know if there is a problem.

And remember, it is not nice to talk about a ladies’ weight or age.  I am just a well seasoned and mature lollipop and those are the best. 

Shiloh is our February 19, 2012 Pup of the Week

Blogs like this are my favorite to write..  I enjoy it because there is not a touch of sadness in this.  It is about joy, and about the wonderful endeavours that same pups do for no other reason than just to put a smile on another pup’s mug.  Sometimes, in the hard times, there are no better gifts we can give than smiles.  

Shiloh the Star Gazer has set out on a quest to put smiles on as many pups faces as possible.  She has done so by reaching out to our friends for help.  And she wisely used subterfuge to get it done.

She wanted to do a picture books for two pups.  The wonderful Tommy Tunes and the noble Leo the Chow.  But how do you keep a secret like that?  Well, I don’t know if she looked to the stars for answers of if she is the most clever pup there is.  She told Leo they were doing a book for Tommy, told Tommy they were doing a book for Leo, and then contacted all their friends and told them to not whisper a word,  but she was actually making books for both of them.  Pups sent Shiloh a page with pictures and comments for Tommy and another pager with pictures and comments for Leo.  

Whenever Shiloh wrote about the books, Tommy thought she was writing about Leo’s book, and Leo thought she was writing about Tommy’s book.  And we all went along with it because it was such a neat trick and we were all kind of confused.

Shiloh’s parents then made lovely books with wooden covers and she sent them out to Tommy and to Leo.  Needless to say they were both thrilled and moved by the gesture and thanked us all, but the truth was the only one who deserved thanks was Shloh for the brilliant, kind idea she had, and for the honor of letting us participate in the act of kindness.

Shiloh chose not just to rest on her kind laurels.  A friend of ours is going through some tough times and it was Shiloh who popped up and said we need to do something kind for this friend.   We don’t want to say who it is here because we don’t want to spoil the day in case the reads this but it is another sign of what a nice and special dog that Shiloh is.  

Shiloh also helps us plan our months with her wonderful astrological predictions.  I wouldn’t know which way to chase a squirrel up a tree with Shiloh.

Last year I was Shiloh’s Secret Bub.  I had a wonderful time sending her toys and keeping her confused with riddles.  When we were done Shiloh sent us a wonderful hand made key box.  She’s just the sweetest pup.

So it isn’t a big picture book, or a key box, it’s just a simple blog.  But we are writing it to thank Shloh and her parents for being the sweetest pup and owners in the world.  

Another addition of Foley Monster the Human Whisperer

1)  Start training your humans early on.  While old people can be taught new tricks, it is best to start training your human as soon as you get home.  Whether you are a puppy or a rescue as soon as you get home pee and poop on the floor.  They will not get mad at you because you are either a cute puppy or have gone through so much as a rescue.  Now it is important to remember to continue to pee and poop every few days.  Don’t do it everyday, it is imperative for your parents to believe you are “almost getting it.”  After awhile they will just decide you are “one of those dogs who has accidents now and then” and, if it’s raining, or cold, or you’re just not in the mood, you can go to the bathroom without going outside  

2) Train your human gently and dogely, using positive, motivational methods.  Make sure your tail is always upright and wagging, your nose is always cold and you have a smile on your face.  Be ready to give your human sweet kisses when they fill your water bowl on time, give you treaats and food.  

3) You must get your human to accept that while we love them and do anything they want us to do they are actually our  “hired help”  Also, when we are bored, or need some exercise, and our humans are just sitting on the couch remember that they are a human gymnasium.   We don’t beg at the table.  We are dogs.  We have self respect.  We don’t beg.  We do gently remind our parents that we are here, we are hungry, and we are not going anywhere.  We need to be jumping on visitors to answer to important questions.  (1) Are they armed? and (2) Are they cookied?  We do not demand attention, we just remind you if your hand is just lying there, or doing something silly like playing on the computer or holding a book, it would be much better for their mental and physical health to scratch or pet us.  We should not ignore our parents commands, but we should take them under advisement.  Some humans think if we don’t listen to them inside we won’t  listen to you outside.  This is foolish.  We listen to you outside because all we want to do is get back inside where we don’t have to listen to you.  .

4) Avoid trying to get your parents to do things just for vicks and giggles.  If you manipulate your parents into doing something it has to be something you want them to do all the time.  If you have them do silly things for you they will catch on and not to anything.  .

5) One bark should equal one response, so give your human only one bark (twice max!)  Repeat barking tunes your human out (as does nagging) and teaches your humans that the first barl is enough.  

6) Avoid giving your humans combined commands which are incompatible. Combined commands such as "feed me-treat me" can confuse your human.   Using this example, say either "feed me or "give me treat". The command "feed me-give me treat" simply doesn't exist.

7) When giving your human a command, avoid using a sharp bark. Even if your human is especially independent/unresponsive, your tone of bark when issuing an obedience command such as "feed me,” “take me" or ""give me lap, should be calm and authoritative, rather than sharp or loud.

NOTE: Many dogs complain that their humans are "stubborn", and that they "refuse to listen" when given a command. Before blaming the human when he or she doesn't respond to a bark, one must determine whether or not: a) the human  knows what the dog wants, b) he/she knows how to comply,  c) he ir she is not simply being unresponsive due to fear, stress or confusion. d) he or she is on Ritalin e) he or she is just stupid.  If it is e relax.  You will prevail in time.

8 ) Whenever possible, give licks positively, rather than using it in conjunction to reprimands, warnings or punishment. Your human should trust that when it is licked  good things happen, like sepsis.

9) Correct or, better yet, prevent the (mis)behavior, don't bite or snarl at your human.  . Teaching and communication is what it's all about, not getting even with your human. If you're taking an "it's-you-against-your human, tail whip 'em into shape" approach, you'll undermine your relationship, while missing out on all the fun that a motivational training approach can offer. Additionally, after-the-bark discipline does NOT work.  But between two consenting dogs under the covers in the middle of the night can be fun.

10) When training one's human, whether praising or correcting, good timing is essential. Take the following example:  Your Mom has prepared a platter of hors d'oeuvres for a small dinner party, which they’ve left on the kitchen counter. Your walk into the room and smell the hors d'oeuvres. You air-sniff, then eyes the food, and are poised to jump up. This is the time to fart.  What is even better is work on releasing delayed farts.  Farts are just bubbles of gas.  If you can release one in the bedroom, then run into the kitchen just before your fart bubble pops in the bedroom, your human will go into the bedroom to smell the situation (or The Situation who smells like farts, so I hear) and you eat the hors d’oeuvres then run into the living room, sit on the couch, and when she notices the hors d’oeuvres are missing, nod at Daddy and say Ja Accuse/

11) Often, dogs inadvertently reinforce their humans’' misbehavior, by giving their humans lots of attention (albeit negative attention) when they aren’t feeding you or aren’t playing with you.  Needless to say, if your human receives lots of attention when they won’t let you jump on them, that behavior is being reinforced, and is therefor likely to be repeated.

12) Keep a lid on your anger. Never train your human when you're feeling grouchy or tired.  Earning your human's respect is never accomplished by biting,snapping or peeing on your human’s shoes.  . Moreover, studies have shown that fear and stress inhibit the learning process.

Good luck