Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Foley Monster caught humping intern's wrist / Blackmailed / Issues apology

I have a little story to tell you, would you like a story?

I get up in the morning to go out and do my business and while I am getting in position to do my Vick I notice that there is a package with my name on it, which is unusual since dogs usually don’t leave packages where I Vick. I guess you can, I guess some dogs do business where they Vick, but not me.

I picked it up in my mouth and carried it into the house and then upstairs to my blanket and there is a letter in it that states: “you do some terrible, terrible things and I can prove these terrible things,” and sure enough in the package was stuff that proved I did terrible things.

At six in the morning, this seems like really bad news, maybe at noon it wouldn’t, but at six in the morning, it’s quite frightening. What this dog is telling me is that he is writing a screenplay and writing about the terrible things he knows that I have done and he is going to put it in a movie unless I give him my furry bed.

And I thought, and this is the word I actually used, this is a little hinky. And I want you to know how terrifying this news was. Was this dog waiting for me at my Vick spot? If you know me at all you know I’m a dog who is driven by guilt: Northern England Yorkshire guilt. And all I can wonder about is out of the hundreds of terrible things I have done, which one is he fixated on?

So I get ready, and go to work running the Tanner Brigade site, and I can’t tell Pocket, because while she’s sweet, she’s weak and stupid, so I call my consigliore Hobo Hudson, and he suggests we meet with the dog, and we do so. Hobo comes to our house, and I go out into the back yard, and I meet my advisory, and it’s the sinister Chihuahua that torments Pocket, and we find out, indeed, that he does in fact want me to surrender my furry bed to him or he is going public with these terrible things.

So Hobo and I discuss it and then we go to see Morgan and Tommy Tunes. We tell them what happened and they say wow, hello, this is blackmail, so what you want to do is have another meeting with the Chihuahua to find out if he’s serious because sometimes dogs have bad days. So we meet again and we tell him it’s a crime and he doesn’t care about that and he tells us he is also writing a book as a companion piece.

So we reassured him everything was just fine and a third meeting was arranged whereby he is given the deed to the furry bed. So the deed is turned over and he arranges to send someone over later in the day to get the bed even though he is saying he may write the book or screenplay anyway.

This morning I did something I have never done, I had to go downtown to testify before Judge Zoe Boe, the Narzario dugs, the Pack, Baarney, Taabitha, and the other Brigaders, telling them about the creepy things I have done. If they believe a crime has been committed they will issue a warrant; which is what they did when the Chihuahua tried to move into the condo.

And now we come to the creepy stuff that I have done to cause all this. The creepy stuff was that, when Mommy and Daddy are at work I have sat on the laps of, and humped the wrists of, interns who help me keep the Tanner Brigade up and running. And my response to that is yes I have, I have sat on laps and humped wrists.

Would it be embarrassing if it were made public? Perhaps it would, especially for the humpees, but it is their decision if they want to come forward. What you don’t want is a Chihuahua saying he knows I’ve humped wrists and he wants my furry bed. I would like to thank my friend Hobo; Judge Zoe Boe, Morgan, and Tommy Tunes and my wonderful Brigade members.

It’s been a very bizarre experience. I need to protect my Mommy and Daddy, the lapsies and humpies I had relationships with, the people of the Brigade, and I don’t expect to say much more on this subject.

Thank you

No comments:

Post a Comment