2010; A Doggyspace Christmas Carol

It was a bitterly cold Christmas Eve in Northern Virginia as we peer down on a young man hurrying through the festive crowd, who are wishing each other the best of the holidays.  The young man ignored them all, staring down at his blackberry.  He was stopped by an elderly man who asked him if he could donate money to poor children on Christmas.  The young man scribbled the http address of a web site and continued onward.

He came to his front door and searched for his keys.  When he found them he looked at the door and his heart skipped a beat.  His beautiful door knocker had turned into the face of a yellow lab.  "Tanner Bub?" he asked, his voice squeaking in despair.  But the knocker turned back into the @ symbol he had paid an extravagant amount on e-bay to obtain.  He shook his head and wondered if he had too much punch at the Christmas party, which was entirely possible, since he was the only person there.

He entered the house, put down his blackberry and switched to his laptop .  He checked his rating and saw his new site was ranked near the bottom for hits.  The space he created for advertisers was bare.  He went to the refrigerator to get a Corona with a slice of lemon and a Promax bar then sat back down.  His instant message icon was flashing.

He clicked it on a window opened saying he had an instant message from Tanner Bub.  He clicked ignore but the window opened anyway.  "Merry Christmas Levi, it is Tanner Bub from Rainbow Bridge."

"Humbug," Levi said and began to bang on his mouse trying to close the window.  But it would not close.  He tried rebooting his computer but it would not shut down.  His calls to his service provider were rerouted to dogs singing Jingle Bells.  It became obvious to Levi the only way to clear the message from the screen was to answer it.

"Why are you cuntackting me Tanner?" he typed in his unique verbiage.

"One day at Christmas all us pups were gathered under one roof, a roof called Doggyspace.  We were, peaceful, happy and content.  But then your greed took over Levi.  Your need to control all around you.  Happy pups were either driven off or packed up and left on their own.  Soon you packed up and left too leaving those behind at the mercy of the mean and evil profiles who moved in."

"That's caled capittooisim Tanner," Levi typed. "Buy low, sell high, and move on."

"There is more to life then that Levi," Tanner typed.  "Tonight you will be visited by three ghosts showing you Doggyspace past, present, and future.  They will show you the error of your ways."

"Can't do it dude," Levi typed.  "I got a partee tonite at Flashdansers.  Strippin' elfs dude, you should czech it out."

"I'm afraid not," Tanner answered.  "Soon you will be fast asleep and then the ghosts will visit you."

Levi scoffed at the idea as Tanner's IM disappeared to be replaced by Levi's Linkden profile. "Oh this should be interesting," he said.  He was asleep within seconds.

He awoke to the feeling of his pants leg being pulled.  He looked down to see a familiar beagle.  "Do I know you?" he asked.

"It's Pepsi, bitch," the dog said.  "And I'm back."

"Pepsi, what are you doing in my apartment?" he asked.

"I'm the ghost of Doggyspace past, I'm here to bite ankles and chew  rawhide and I'm fresh out of rawhide."

Levi lifted his legs. "Are you going to take me on a tour of my past Christmases to show me the error of my ways?"

"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm going to do," Pepsi said.  "Because you're the Grinch and I'm Max the dog, you moron.  Just look at the computer screen"

The screen went back to Doggyspace on Christmas Eve in 2008.  "Read the posts, see how everyone is wisihng each other Merry Christmas.  There is Hattie Mae's profile, and Tanner Bub's.  There is Foley and Pocket, Luca, Sam and Junior, Hobo Hudson.  Everyone is laughing and sharing stories.   Then it all changed."

"Yes, but they lacked discipline, the site needed it, you can't eat your pudding until you've finished your meat.  How can you have your pudding when you haven't finished  your meat?"

"You let the power of running the site go to your head." Pepsi said.  "You began to ban members, including the beloved Tanner Bub.  That began a decline in membership and less hits on your site.   If you had not let all the power over take you Levi, every Christmas would have been like that."

"They needed monitoring, they needed expelling Pepsi!" he said looking down.  But Pepsi was no longer there.  On the screen were some of the writings he had recently done for his new web site.  It put him to sleep instantly.

He awoke to see a dog in a dress and cap checking herself in a mirror.  "I just can't get this hat right," she said adjusting it on her head.

"Is that you Hattie Mae?" Levi asked.

She turned around.  "Well of course Levi, we haven't spoken in so long.  Oh, but tonight I am not Hattie Mae, I am the gift of Christmas Present because I'm the best Christmas present anyone could wish for."

"I thought that was Peruvian gold."

"Oh Levi, you're like an old painting you never change," she said.  "Now get ready for a thrill.  For the first time ever you are going to get to view the Tanner Brigade web site."

"Oh, oh, can Princess get a membership?" he asked.

"You have a better chance getting a membership in Mensa,  Now you read some of the posts, I know it will be like waiting for a third grader to read Moby Dick but I've got all night."

Levi read the comments of a close community of dogs wishing each other the best of the holiday season, of those reaching out to help heal both hurt and sick humans and pups, of those trying to get Miss Gina's dogs to their new home.  He got done and looked down at Hattie.  "Where are the ads?" he asked.

"The ads?" Hattie responded.

"How are you making any money from this if there are no ads? There was a woman I took for $8,000 for an ad on DS.  I spent that money on jeans."

Hattie sighed.  "Why don't you look at the comments on DS this Christmas Eve," she said.

The DS screen appeared.  He began reading, slowly.  "They seem quite similar to TB, well wishes and good cheer."

"Let me help you," Hattie said and the screen scrolled until it stopped.  "See these comments, a dog bragging about the number of guns he owns, two dogs arguing about a boy in school, young pups insulting each other, bullying other dogs about their profiles, what do you think of that?"

"I would have to see how much they paid for their membership fee before I decide," Levi said.  Hattie growled at him.

"This may take more than three ghosts," she said.

"This activity has nothing do with me," Levi said.  "I have already sold the site before it occurred."

"And let's check in on what the new owners are doing this Christmas Eve in Texas," Hattie said.

The screen showed a You Tube video of a man eating pretzels and watching TV.  "Laura," the ex-president yelled "the kid has his tongue stuck to the pole again!  That's the fourth time tonight he's done that.  How stupid can you be?"

"George, come in here for dinner right now," his wife said.  "And did you check on that all dog social network I bought you for Christmas?  You promised me if I got it for you that you would watch it.

"I don't need to check on it.  We will be treated as liberators.  What could go wrong?" he said as the You Tube clip faded from the screen.

Levi looked down but Hattie Mae was gone.  He then looked back up at his computer screen.  "Oh,. the lost Princess blogs from Doggyspace, I shall entertain myself all night by reading these."  Ten seconds later he was fast asleep again.

He woke up to a little dog tugging at his pants leg.  "Who are you little dog?' he asked.

"My name is Fuzzy Bacon," the little dog said.

"Fuzzy Bacon?  I think that was the name of one of the strippers I ordered."

The little dog sunk her teeth into Levi's leg making him yelp.  "Sorry, I'm just a puppy, I haven't learned my manners yet.  OK.  Now I have to remember what 12 taught me to say.  I am the Future of Doggyspace ghosts.  No wait, that wasn't it.  I am the Doggyspace Ghost Future. No, that's not right either.  Darn."

"Is it possible you are the ghost of Doggyspace future?" Levi asked.

"That's the ticket," Fuzzy said.  "Because I am the newest member of the Brigade I have been chose to show you the future."

"Well I have had enough of my night wasted, let me see it."

"First let me show you Doggyspace," he said.  But all that came up on the screen was a notice that the domain name was for sale.

"Well they didn't have a sound business plan," Levi said.

"And maybe you got pups to join the group under false pretenses and then abandoned them all.  I don't know, I'm a new pup, but I don't like what I'm hearing.  Now let's switch to a Facebook account."

Levi was speechless as he stared at his profile.  "Friends zero?  No friends?  What kind of idiot has no friends?" he asked trembling.

"It seems, you," Fuzzy said.

"This is terrible, how did this happen, where are all my friends?" he asked.

"There is one more video you need to see, it's from a surveillance camera across the street from a drive-thru."

Levi saw the man working in the drive-thru.  "Look at that smuck, working on Christmas Eve.  Wait a second," he peers further into the screen.  "Who is the man in that window?  Tell me spirit who is handing out that bag of fries?"  His voice grew more excited.  "Who is that putting ketchup into bags?  Who?  Who?"

Fuzzy held up her skinny paw and the camera zoomed in to see Levi bagging the fries.  "It is me?  Me?  Working in retail fast food?  No friends on Facebook?  Tell me spirit, are these thing to be, or can they be changed?"

Levi slumped down in his chair.  He fell asleep shaking in fear.  He awoke with the first morning light.  He rebooted he computer and saw that it was Christmas day.

He knew the first thing he was going to do.  He went on Pea Pod and ordered a large Christmas Goose.  He then began to hurridly run around the house making plans.  "I will buy back Doggyspace and make it a user friendly site.  I will let the dogs have the freedom to bark what they want to one another.  I won't charge for premium  memberships, in fact I won't charge at all.  I will ask for contributions.  And if I get too many I will put it back in the site.  I will take no money for myself.  Well, maybe a little, for food.  And expenses.  And a car, in fact a few premium memberships won't hurt.  Or all premium memberships, and lots of ads, and dogs who don't pay, can get out.   Yeah.  Lots of money for me.  Letting three ghosts change me.  Nah!"

In a dusty corner of the apartment a recently downloaded Foley sat with Pocket licking her paws.  "What are we going to do now Foley our plan didn't work?" Pocket asked.

"Next year get bigger dogs," she said as she hit the return button and down loaded herself back home











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Great moments in history: Levi surrenders to Foley at Appomattix

As recounted by Pocket:

It was a cold Friday after Thanksgiving morning as Foley emerged from her tent for her morning constitutional. She heard the galloping of paw hoofs and turned to see General Mollie running to her with a missive in her mouth. Foley saluted her. Mollie spit the missive on the ground.

"It's from General Levi," Mollie said. "He is offering to surrender."

Foley took a long puff on her pipe and read the message. "Very well," she said. She called me over and asked me to write a message to General Levi. She would meet with him at the Appomattox Dog Park.

Foley then gathered her Generals: Hattie Mae, Hobo Hudson, Luca, Cocoa Puff, and Kolchak. Foley announced that they, along with her and I, would be walking to the dog park to hear his terms. "Walk?" Hattie huffed. "I just did my nails!" It was agreed that Hobo and I would carry sticks in our mouths and Hattie would lay on a chair constructed on these sticks.

We set out following a trail in the woods, Foley leading us, barkless. We came to a clearing, and saw an old school house, and could smell the enemy. One of the men stood in the doorway, then turned and said something to those gathered inside. General Levi then came to the door, and called for us to come.

We ran excitedly across the cold ground. We can't help it. We're dogs. Just before we entered the house Foley pulled up short, turned to us, and looked us in the eye, reminding us to keep our dignity.

We entered. While Foley was in her informal Tanner duds, Levi was dressed in his best skinny leg jeans, a pressed Duran Duran concert T-shirt, and a Germanna baseball cap, turned backwards.

Foley introduced her staff, knowing that General Levi was familiar with them all. General Levi then introduced his staff: General Confusion, General Malaise, General Chaos, General Mayhem, and General Anesthesia.

Levi then sat down at a wooden table in the center of the room, his scabbard scraping the floor. Foley looked up at the chair, wagged her tail, got ready to spring, thought about it, growled, took a couple of practice lifts, then jumped into the chair and slid across. Luckily General Cocoa Puff was on the side using her paws to keep the General from sliding off.

Foley righted herself. She told General Levi she read his twitter feed. He seemed to have no recollection of hers. They briefly chatted on the trials and pleasures of running an on line network. Then Levi's face grew serious. He snapped for, and got, a Corona with a twist of lime, from General Mayhem.

He took a sip. He drummed his fingers on the table. He shifted in his chair uncomfortably. "Too many losses," he said. "We suffered too many losses. When you defected we were confident you would come back. But we just continued suffering loses."

He took another pull of his drink. "First it was you and Pocket, people really enjoyed your blogs. But you foolishly put them on blogger so people could still read them. Then Tanner Bub. I underestimated his popularity. And Hattie Mae. When we lost Hattie Mae it seemed half our army went looking for her.

"Then we lost Erin. Not only did we lose her, but she shared our secrets, exposed our weaknesses, and left us with bland layouts. Zoe Boe: Those drawings were so popular. And Luca, Junior and Fred with their contests; Hobo with his kitty enterprises, Every day we lost another key member, and others would follow."

Foley Monster sat up, not showing any emotion. "We just kept suffering loss after loss, and even if some of your army spent most of their time with ours, when they were with you, we were losing activity, driving our rating down.

"That's when I made my deal. My deal with the Ning weasels." I saw Foley stiffen slightly as what she long suspected was confirmed. "I was sure if they started charging you for using their site you would reunite with us, but somehow you raised three years worth of money. It was then I knew the war was beyond winning.

"I still tried to get you back, contacting you via e-mail, even dropping all the rules that had driven you apart in the first place. But you had become too strong. So, after meeting with my Generals we have decided to surrender the castle, and all of Doggyspace to you, on your terms."

Foley Monster snapped her paws. I brought her a bowl of water. She licked some. She then looked at Levi, her fur dripping water. "I accept your surrender General Levi. The was is over and fairly won. But I do not accept your terms." General Levi took a drink with shaking hands.

Foley Monster put her front paws on the table and stood. "We have no interest in Doggyspace here. We only ask that you step down as leader and never bother another pup again. You see Doggyspace has thousands of dogs, but us pups, we prefer a small town, where you can leave your doors unlocked, where everyone knows your name, where everyone has a kind word to say to one another, where you have all laughed and cried together."

General Levi did not seem to understand. "We have surrendered but you don't want any of the spoils of war?"

Foley Monster told him they never wanted war. Just to have a nice, quiet, happy place to meet with friends who don't create drama or bark mean words. "We have some members who spend most of their time in your big city, and that's fine, but they still like to come out to our little spot in the country and put their feet up and rest. Some of us like to go up to the city some of the time, and return home to quiet. There are some pups who want to be in the hustle and bustle of the city all the time, and some, like us, who just want to live quietly, laughing, crying, loving, and playing."

General Levi took another sip of beer. He then leaned over to Foley. He offered his hand. Foley offered paw. They shook. The war was over.

General Levi then sat back and laughed. "I already got an offer on my army," he said. "I'm netting $800.00 a month. With you leaving the army in my hands I will be able to sell it," he paused, holding his pinkie finger to his lips, "for $10,000 dollars."

Foley jumped down from the chair. "Well congratulations General. That is quite a score for the heartache, pain, and lost friendships of a two year war."

General Levi stood. "That's what you never understood Foley. It's not about the friends, it's about the money. And now I can go to New York City and afford a pizza with extra cheese."

He nodded to his men and moved towards the door. "Just out of curiosity, who are you selling your army to?" General Hobo asked

"A great man, lost his job to affirmative action, now he lives in Texas, George W, Bush," Levi said,

"Well, there goes the hope for better spelling," Kolchak barked.

The men made for the door, then climbed on their horses. General Levi looked down at the little Yorkie General: "Congratulations Foley Monster, you do have a very loyal Brigade but let me tell you. You will never be successful at this. When you were raising money to pay the weasels, and people were sending you checks, you should have just taken the money and run, that's what I am going to do."

Foley and her generals watched Levi happily ride off into the sunset. He stood up in the saddle, and let out a "yahoo!" scaring the horse, which bucked, and threw him almost entirely from it's speeding body, except for his foot, which was caught in a stirrup, and he was dragged across the cold, hard ground, until the frightened horse, unaware of what was slowing it down, gave a violent thrust, and Levi's foot became loose from the stirrup, and he flew high through the air, against the setting sun, and over a cliff, disappearing into a shallow creek below.

"Hate to see that," General Hattie said.

"I don't think we've seen the last of him," General Hobo said. "I think he is a Bumble, and Bumbles bounce."

"Regardless, I don't think he'll be bother us for awhile," Foley said. She looked at her Generals. "Let's go home and be with our friends."

"That was a beautiful thing you said about the Tanner Brigade being a nice, small town," I said. "Did you mean it or did you say it because you know that Doggyspace is a huge soul sucking money pit?"

"Because I meant it," Foley,

"And because Doggyspace is a huge, soul sucking money pit," General Hobo said.

"Yes, that too," Foley said as they turned and headed for home.

The Pawnight show with host Foley Monster and guest DS Levi

Pocket: Live from the Tanner Brigade Mansion it's Pawnight Show with your host: Foley Monster along with Hobo Hudson and his all mutt orchestra, accompanied by the beautiful Hattie Mae. Foley's guest tonight is the owner of the DS Castle: Mr. Levi himself. I'm your announcer Pocket Dog. And now here's Foley.

(A shot of Hattie Mae leading the band, and a close up on Hobo
playing the trumpet and then Foley walks from behind the curtain wagging her tail She bows to the audience then jumps up on the love seat. Shethen motions for Pocket who runs up and sits next to her and they both paw to the audience.)

Foley: Thank you. Welcome. You're in for a really great show. We
have Mr Levi from the DS Castle. (Mild booing from the audience.) Now, he was nice enough to come here so I am sure we can give him a
Tanner Brigade welcome. (She turns to Pocket.) How was your weekend?

Pocket: Well you know Mommy and Daddy went to that outdoor
wedding. We didn't get to go and I don't know why. We would have been so good there. And Mommy said she was cold. We could have kept her
warm. It was just such a missed opportunity.

Foley: I could tell when they got home that they were pretty warm from all the Foleytinis they drank?

Pocket: How does drinking keep you warm?

Foley: You know because they're a little silly, you know, stumbly, you know.

Pocket: Oh, bazinga!

Foley: Well let's bring him out because we don't want anything to disappear from the green crate we have
him in. He started a small social network named DS and turned it into a business worth almost hundreds of dollars. Lets give a big Tanner Brigade welcome to DS Levi.

(Small smattering of applause)

Foley: Welcome Levi, nice to have you here.

Levi: Hey, thanks you know, like it's good to be here. Yo, I'm just here to set it straight you know?

Pocket: Not really, no, what the hell are you talking about?

Foley: Relax Pocket. I talk Jersey. Now you have recently said
you would let children into the castle if they pay for a premium membership, what were you thinking there?

Levi: Ok, yo, you know how there's sites where you got adults and kids, and the adults they pretend to be kids to meet kids, well yo, check this out. You see those sites the dudes pay to talk to the kids. You know that's wrong 'cause you know, Dudes shouldn't be paying to talk to kids, that's sick. But yo, check this out. We flipped that mofo. See we got the kids paying to talk with the adults. See the kids are paying to be preyed upon.
That makes it beautiful.

Foley: What do these children get with their premium membership?

Levi: When they hit adulthood, their first three visits to a therapists: totally free, as long as it's not in the US. Plus they are allowed into our most special group made just for adults and kids. It's called Newfoundlands, Akitas. Malteses, Beagles, Labradors,and Affenpinschers. Or NAMBLA.

Foley: Aren't you worried maybe by allowing young children on to the site you might be inviting the wrong type of member?.

Levi: Foley, this is America. There is no such thing in this country as someone who can afford a premium membership being a bad person.

Foley: What other new services are you offering?

Levi: There is our wicked cool premium gold membership for members who have left and we are trying to lure back. You pay us $200.00 and we give you unlimited access to the site between 3:00 AM and 5:00 AM eastern on weekends.

Foley: You recently suspended my friend Zoey for asking for votes in a contest, but you let other pups beg for votes, why was Zoey
singled out?

Levi: Well that was Zoey's fault. She did not buy our Really Awesome Vote for Me membership. If you buy one of them then not only will we allow you to ask for votes, but we automatically add 1,000 votes to your total each day for the price of $18.95 a month.

Foley: Is that fair?

Levi: Of course it's fair Foley. Yo, if someone wants their dog win some whatever cutest, funniest, most hip hop dog contest, then they need to pay me, the Big L. If they don't pay me they lose. Either way I win.

Foley: I recently read a blog post of yours which said that if
people didn't follow the rules you would ban first and ask questions later. Do you think that one strike policy is fair to us pups who sometimes bark without thinking?

Levi: Yo, it sure does. Keeps everyone on their toes. One mistake and they're gone. You don't mess with the Big L.

Foley: Do you think that is fair.

Levi: Sorry, this thread is closed.

Foley: But we have many viewers who want to know....

Levi: I can't hear you, thread closed!

Foley: But about this rule....

Levi: Cut to baby taking off her clothes. Close-up of the sign that says "Thread Closed."

Foley: You just can't say Thread Closed whenever you don't want to talk to someone.

Levi: So we closed our thread and said goodbye to gypsy angel row

Foley: Fine! We'll let it go. God, you're just so infuriating. Thread closed!

Levi: God bless America, land that I thread closed.

Foley: Yeah, right we get it. One final question. Pocket and I saw The Social Network. We gave it eight paws up.

Pocket: That's partially because I was on my back asleep.

Foley: Thank you Pocket. Now Levi, I was wondering why you, who runs a large social network, is not featured in the movie?

Levi: I was in the movie but it got cut. There's the scene where the Facebook creator gets a little sexy time with a girl in a bathroom stall. My scene was right after that. When they were done I was the attendant who cleaned the floor. That's kind of how the Big L seeshimself. Guys like Zukerman they have all these creative juices.
Sometimes they spill out on the floor. I'm the guy who mops them up antries to profit from their overflow.

Foley: Well, with that I'd like to say thread closed.

Levi: What? I still have lots to say. I'm trying to get on Dancing with the Stars. The Big L could be bigger then the Huff. And you're going to close my thread? What's up with that? (He gets up and starts to dance.) What's up with that, what's up with that, what's up with that,what's up with that.

Foley: God he's still such a massive tool

Pocket: Yeah but he's a good dancer

Foley: Why's he squishing?

Pocket: I might have peed in his shoe.

Foley: You're a good girl Pocket. Good night everyone!













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Happy Birthday DS

In honor of the one year anniversary of our former website, which we shall refer to by it’s initials popular on the fast paced internet, DS, instead of it’s full name, Dog Slaves, Pocket and I would like to take a moment to recount the first year of it’s most storied history.

July 15, 2008

The founder of DS, who we shall refer to by his initials popular on the fast paced internet, LT, instead of his full name, Little Tool, settles on his latest get rich quick scheme, a web site for dogs, after his first idea, a web site for frogs, croaked.

BAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH

July 19, 2008:

A dejected LT announces that he is shutting down the site after only attracting profiles from five computer analysts living in San Pedro California all with the same first name. One of his investors point out to him that the site is improperly named Douggy Space, not Doggy Space. The frustrated five accounts named Doug take Douggy Space to Ning where, as of this date, they have five members.

August 1, 2008

LT starts doing press to get publicity for his site, telling interviewers that he has more than one million profiles created in the first week. Later that day, when privately asked how many zeroes in a million, he said two. His handlers, feeling that the publicity would bring more people to the site, decide not to contradict his claims and to never allow him to speak in public again without wearing a shock collar.

August 15, 2008

LT begins to attract advertisers to his site The jobless rate among annoying, leaping dogs goes down 300%.

August 26, 2008

LT and his advisors decide they need a fake dog to be the mascot for DS. They discuss a pitbull named Oscar, a lab named Author, and a great dane named Chief, but, when their discussions are constantly interrupted by LT wearing his mother’s chiffon robe and singing “I Feel Pretty,” they settle on a Yorkie named Princess.

November 10, 2008

Foley Monster joins DS.

November 12, 2008

Foley Monster receives a warning on DS.

November 14, 2008

Foley Monster ignores warning and continues.

December 15, 2008

After being promised if she did all her business outside she would be allowed to have her own DS page, Pocket completes her seventh day of sanitary behavior and is allowed to be on DS. She will never go seven days without soiling the carpet again.

December 31, 2008

Despite a few differences of opinion, and problems with underage typists, DS ends the year with a community of dogs who are respectful of one another, and are able to handle disputes between eachother in a civil manner. Despite a lack of community guidelines DS is a happy, content group of pups looking forward to spending the New Year together.

January 1, 2009

LT wakes up, says “Eureka” and begins to work on community guidelines that will forever split apart the content, respectful group of dogs who have gathered on his site and are filling his coffers with gold.

March 1, 2009

Saturday night has become fight night on DS as dogs begin to bark mean things at one another. Good friends begin to disappear. Groups are done away with without the creator knowing why. The Princess sits in her castle saying this is my kingdom and I can do with it what I want.

April 28, 2009

Princess a.k.a. LT deletes Tanner’s profile beginning the great cyber doggie war.

May 22, 2009

Tanner goes to the bridge and his brigade invades Princess’ castle posting his picture on every wall.

May 23, 2009

The Tanner Brigade is born as pups flee the castle.

May 28, 2009

LT posts a jjavascript:void(0)ournal in which he announces eureka he has solved the problem in his kingdom by adding a degree of separation between parties. Although members either hate the idea or find the statement nonsensical everyone is impressed that not only did LT spell eureka and separation correctly he used them properly in a single sentence.

June 25, 2009

In a moment that shocked the dog world to it’s very core Princess is found by paramedics crumpled on the floor of her Bel-Air mansion. Despite the efforts of the paramedics and doctors and the UCLA Medical Center Princess was pronounced deleted at 1:12 PM PST. Rumors abound across the dog world that LT was seen leaving the mansion shortly before the paramedics arrive and his Segway scooter was towed from the scene. There still has not been any known cause of deletion but insiders say Princess was paper thin and whispers fill the dog world that she may have been accidentally shredded.

July 16, 2009

LT ends his exile by announcing that food will be short for the year because he has let the fields grow fallow. He then serenades his fallowers with an acoustic version of U2’s “I Will Fallow.” Those who managed to stay with DS for the entire year could agree with two things. (1) LT is still a tool and (2) Spell check is a terrible thing to waste.