Today I had my meeting with Ning the Weasel. I downloaded myself to a dark hole south of the town dump. I followed arrows constructed of fresh dung down the weasel hole. I couldn't breathe. The walls seemed closing in. Then the hole opened into a damp pit. Leaning up against a wall was Ning the Weasel.
"Dung?" he whispered holding out a fresh plate. I shook my head. "Please sit," he said, "we have much to discuss." I looked around but didn't see a chair. "The ground," Ning the Weasel said. I sat, the dirt cold and wet on my tail. He lit a cigarette and leaned back against the wall.
"So," he said. "I hear yuz got this little Brigade group and you need to pay for it." I nodded. "All right," he continued rubbing a dirty paw on his nose. "I'ze think we can do business here. Me, and my family, we're the Nings, and we offer some protection to groups like you so nothing unforchunit happens like your site gets deleted, kabish?"
"Gesundheit," I said.
"Cute," he said. "Us weasels hate cute." He took another drag of his cigarette. "So we got three plans. Now our first plan, this is called our Mini plan."
"My Mommy calls me Mini!" I said.
"I will slap you like Bette Davis holding a daiquiri," he snarled. "Now quiet. Under the mini plan it'll only cost you $2.95 a year."
"Oh I can pay that!" I said excitedly.
"Yeah well this is what you get. Yuz get to keep your little site, but yuz can only have 150 members, yuz can have your blogs, your forums, your photos, your videos, but you gots to upload them to You Tube and the videos you posted, they go away, you don't got them no more. Plus you gets no groups, no Yellow Labs or birthday clubs, and speakin' of birthdays, not more events neither. And no chat, you gotta pay to chat. Oh and all of your friend Erin's nice designs, they gotta go away too?"
"But I love all those things!" I say.
"Well you can't get much for $2.95 a month Tootsie Roll," he said sucking on his cigarette.
"What else you got?" I asked.
"We got this nice little plan for $19.95," he spit. "You get more bandwidth, more storage, more place to put your stuff, you know?"
"You get to keep all the stuff with the cheap plan, the blogs, be nice if you didn't clog it up with so much lame crap, but you get to keep it, the forums, your dumb ass questions of the week, your little pictures, the videos you already uploaded, but yuz got to yuz to you tube to upload from now on, you get your little chat, as many members as you want, your birthday events, your groups, your fancy laid out pages from Erin, all dat stuff."
"How about music?" I asked.
"No, no music, I don't like music," he hissed.
"But we love our music," I said.
"Well tooz bad. You wants your music you got to go with our $49.95 plan."
"49,95? We can't be affordin' that," I said.
"Hey, what can I say we're just business Weasels, you know. Plus you know, for $49.95 yuz got lots of other stuff."
"Like what?" I asked.
"Well your the administer so you get language control, and more membership control, and more bandwidth, and API control."
"I don't even know what that means," I said.
He looked at me and laughed. "Ah neither do we, we're just business weasels and there are always dumb folk who want the best and are willing to pay for saying they have it."
"Well I like the second option but we want our music," I said.
"Well I want to be King Weasel but we all want somethin'," he said. "Of course you could just ignore out protection but one day you'll wake up and the Tanner Brigade won't be there if you know what I mean."
I knew what he meant, and I knew he was mean, but for once I didn't know what I could do but go back to my friends and get their opinion. "We through here?" the Weasel asked. I said we were. Then two weasels came in, grabbed me and whooshed me up the hole.
So this is where we are my friends, we could go for what would be a free site, because I'd pay the $3.00 but it wouldn't be very good, the $20.00, which is everything we have now, but we would have to use You Tube for our videos, and put them in either forum or blogs, and we don't get music. Or we could pay $50.00 to get little more than out music players.
So let me know what you think we should do, and feel free to leave a message for the weasels here.
And, if you would like to learn more about the plan, click here