Sunday, August 22, 2010

The Days of Our Lives

Let's see, when last we left you our Grandpoppy had fallen down in the shower, scooched himself up the stairs, and got himself dressed, He then waited for his friend Dr Croteau (it's French, Lollipop) to come and take him to the ER. When he was there he had so many x-rays that you could see more inside him then out. But they didn't find anything broken. Just lots of Art's Rice Est and hollow bones like the cheap ones Daddy buys at the dollar store. (And he calls those treats: Indeed.) Grandpops remembered Daddy's cell phone number and the Doctor called Daddy to tell him his pops had fallen down. He told him he would be bringing him home soon and Daddy should be there. But Daddy had not driven since his surgery, and Mommy wasn't home, so it looked like Foley Eanrhardt Jr. to the rescue.

Daddy got all worked up about me steering and Pocket pushing the peddles. He called Mommy, who was getting her car inspected (I hoped they did something about that spring that sticks into me in the back seat) and she came home. So I got Pocket ready, little latex gloves and booties, muzzle, robe, and then Mommy brought us up stairs. Is there a doctor in the house? Yeah but she's stuck in a crate. Why the darn can't people accept that Pocket is as good as any other doctor? She might have to become a politician again and work on the DRA. Dogs Rights Amendment.

So we were stuck home. Mommy and Daddy made sure Grandpops was safe and comfortable, and then to add our insult to his injury, they got some strange Northern person to take care of him: Viking Dan. This was the guy who Mommy went to the Farm Me See to get to help Daddy but I never saw him so I don't know why they thought he would help Grand Pops. Who needs a viking caregiver anyway? I looked them up on Dogapedia and they are very violent, smelly men with clubs, or indecisive men from Mississippi. Pocket could do such a better job then either of them.

On Saturday we went to the groomers. We love the groomers. We get dropped off at noon and picked up at 3:00. On Saturday the woman told Mommy she could pick us up at 1:30. What? Were they going to hold me by my hind leg and dip me in shampoo like I was being baptized? I am sorry but you can't make all this beauty happen in an hour and a half. When we got home from our abbreviated spa day human sister number two with the big injury to her paw called us to babysit. Oh we love to babysit. When we got there Pocket, having been bounced off the case and got a half-assed spa day, was barking loudly, and Daddy, maybe under the effects of Viking Dan, held her up to Grandbaby Number Five, who began to cry loudly. Daddy is such a putz.

We barely saw her after that. She stayed in the back room playing with Grandbaby #3 while I snarled and barked keeping Pocket from getting on the sweaty black leather chair because that's how I roll, Lollipop. Sister #2 got home way earlier than usual because her cut on her paw was hurting her. Since it was a party for someone in her husband's family, and she hadn't wanted to go, she told us she was going to cut off his balls. We know how Pocket chases balls so we got her out of there before she peed.

Earlier that day Mommy helped get Grandpops landline turned back on. It had stopped working after he fell and he couldn't call anyone. Daddy talked to someone in another country (Paco perhaps) on Friday, and Mommy got it turned back on Saturday. But there was a mystery. There was a cell phone that wasn't working, in our late Nana's name, and no one could figure out why the contract wasn't canceled. So Pocket and I put on our detective caps. Mine is a big cap with the ear flaps hanging down and a pipe. Pocket puts on her basset hound disguise. We down loaded ourselves into Verizon headquarters and got Nana's account and get this. Daddy's sister, our invisible Aunt, (she's invisible because in the ten years of my life I have never seen even though she lives a mile away) had put two of her kids on Nana's cell phone account, so if Nana's contract was canceled they'd lose service and have to go on my invisible Aunt's account. I was so mad I wanted to download myself to her house and bite her in her fat invisible butt. But we went back home, and told Mommy and Daddy and they were fuming. But Grandpop still thinks he should pay for his grandchildren's cell phone so he is still stuck with a crappy phone because only Nana can get a new phone. Confusing right.

OK, tired again,going to bed, we will be back soon with more of the tails of the days of our lives.

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