Monday, August 30, 2010

A darker than intended blog with a happy ending

With us here in the Monster House we work and work to reach a high, and within a few short minutes we are knocked low again. But like skyscrapers, rising up, floor by floor, we don't give up. Mommy finally got the irresistible condo across from the state mental institution ready to go on the market. Daddy went to the website of the retirement community we all wanted to live and under rules it says only one pet. Which is a problem because counting Daddy Mommy and I have two.

So I immediately took the Yorkie by the horns: I rain this posting on Craig's List. "Looking for good home. One slightly under house trained, obsessive compulsive, attention deficit deficient, Yorkshire Terrier, who answers to either Pocket, or to OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WILL YOU STOP BARKING BEFORE I HURL MYSELF OUT THE SECOND STORY WINDOW THROUGH THE CAR'S WINDSHIELD. We will take nothing, or pay the lowest bidder to have it removed."

Then Mommy made me delete the post. OK humans. If we're not proactive we'll be living in a van by the river! But then Daddy had an idea. You remember our Auntie Bev? She's not been doing well lately. She doesn't really remember people. The other day her daughter, grandson and son in law took her out for ice cream. When she got back to the home she thought she was a teenager, and that the home was her son in law's house, and he was a boy she knew, and he was trying to get her into his house for just a dish of ice cream, and Auntie Bev ain't easy. It took awhile to get her back into her room. Very sad for everyone involved, including Grand Pops, who can't stand going to see her anymore because she thinks he's her father. Sometimes I wonder if it's humane to put us down when our quality of life has been destroyed why can't humans be humane to one another?

Now, at this point in writing this, it seems like we are an opportunistic family of Monsters. Because Daddy got the idea of buying her house. But it really isn't as cat eat cat as it seems. Auntie Bev has been out of her house for a year. Her son has been taking care of both her house and his own. It's a cute little place with a few flaws and needs some work. The hope is to work out a deal with no relaters for a reasonable price, sell the enchanted condo, and move. Then we'll have our own back yard. We need everyone to cross their paws on this one.

If this all goes through then Mommy can retire from her job, and Daddy can work on getting his retirement. Daddy works in a housing project that was recently rated one of the most dangerous in the area. None of us like him working there. There has been a few times he's narrowly escaped serious injury including being alone with a mean gang member who had a gun pointed at Daddy's temple. I don 't understand it all myself but there are different levels Daddy can retire on and he wants to retire on the one which is for the people with the most dangerous jobs. As his lawyer I spend a part of every day in the laundry room preparing his briefs.

Dr Pocket wants to do an entire psychological work up on Daddy to prove that Daddy is mentally incapable of working. But there is an ancient Chinese proverb that says a man who wants to prove he is disabled, and uses a dog who pees her diaper as his expert witness....well, he usually wins.

So we are bracing ourselves for a year of big changes, including another knee replacement for Mom, which means a hospital stay, which means lots of alone time for Pocket and I, then poor Mommy's long rehab for which she has to be on one floor, for which we need a new house, and around and around we go.

To get the ball rolling I placed this ad on Craig's List: "For sale: One well lived in condo. Sight pee and poo smell in the carpets. Slight water damage in the basement. Insane escaped convicts rarely enter house while you're sleeping. Interesting neighbors who spend hours trying to outwit squirrels and forgetting to wear their pants. Only used by lady who can hardly walk, various Yorkies, and strange man. Either best offer or bank foreclosure accepted."

Well, this turned into a darker blog then I intended but sometimes blogs work out this way. But guess what. This morning out human brother Chad came over and he told us that he and his wife Lisa are making a new grandbaby! I'm going to the a grand doggy again, and Pocket too.

It's like Pocket says: Even on the darkest day some light comes through. Sounds like wise words to me. But then again, she pees herself, so take it with a grain of kibble.

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