Hannah Banana is our February 27, 2011 pup of the week

Today, February 27,  our good friend Hannah Banana took part in the third day of the International Cluster of Dogs Show.  First of all I do not know what a cluster of dogs is, never mind one from every country in the world, but that is the task our friend Hannah is facing this weekend.  And she is being very successful.

Hannah started out like gangbusters scoring 182 out of 200 and qualifying in the first leg to the title in Novice A Obendience event, finishing fourth.  That's our girl Hannah.  During the second leg on Saturday Hannah improved to the final round upping her score to 185.  If she had completed her third leg on Sunday she would have been given a Companion Dog title.  Mommy said she saw on her Mom's Facebook page that things may not have worked out as well as possible on Sunday, but that's Hannah's story to tell.  But to all of us here there is no greater companion then Hannah Banana.  

And she is our pup of the week, not just because she is a show dog, where the rest of us are no dogs ("no, don't do this, no don't do that, no, don't ever do that"), but because she took time out of her busy schedule to come to our dag park and visit.


Hannah was a huge part of our lives when we were on Doggyspace.  She was one of the dogs that seemed to be the thread that kept us all together.  When we began this site many wonderful pups from DS joined us, but we never thought a dog as brilliant and talented as Hannah Banana would be here.  But one day I put on my dog news television station and there was Hannah announcing she was taking her talents to the Tanner Brigade.   When we were on DS and there was a conversation about who owned DS a dog barked that they thought Hannah owned the site.  Oh, if only that was true.   


So,  because of her wonderful performance in Chicago where she made us all proud, for being such a great dog friend, and for making time in life for us here at the Tanner Brigade we recognize Hannah as our Pup of the Week.


Since the last word we would use to describe Hannah is selfish we are asking her to share part of this award to are other new members who have joined us from Doggyspace:  Clint, Silvie, Cassie, Samoa and Jemima, Buck, and the others who have recently graced us with their wonderful personalities  We can only hope the site lives up to their expectations.  


So here is to new friends, and the wonderful Hannah Banana, our pup of the week.

I do not like loud high pitched noises Pocket I am

It all started one morning.  Everything was perfectly normal.  Then one of those white circular blinking orbs on the wall began to make this sound:  beeeeeep (pause) beeeeep (pause) beeeeep (pause) beeeeep (pause.)  I did not like this noise at all, and I climbed up high on the couch to get away from it.

Daddy bravely took the orb off the wall and cracked it's chest to get to it's heart.  He then removed it's beepers so the offensive noise was silenced.  Good job Daddy.  But killing the beast was not good enough.  Being the kind soul he is he had to try and revive it.

I was sure I had a DNR for that blasted thing and I scrambled through my files trying to find it.  Not that I didn't respect Daddy's ability at resurrecting artificial life, but he has been known to err when replacing beepers.  The next sound, the shrill cry of the artificial life form struggling to come back to life, split my poor little brain.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

It was so loud, and relentless.  Daddy tried to fix it.  But not only had he put the batteries in incorrectly,  he had somehow jammed them in and couldn't remove them.  As for me there was no question what would happen, my tiny brain was going to explode from the beeping. I began to run around as Daddy prodded at the stuck batteries like a gorilla trying to peel a banana with a hammer.  Finally he got the batteries removed. and, of course, with Mommy's help he got them situated properly.

It was a very traumatic experience for me.  I almost didn't pee myself.  Foley said it was just a noise.  It shouldn't bother me. If I was going to live with Daddy, I was going to have to get used to such things occurring as Daddy was as good at fixing things as a fish is at rowing a boat

Since then, as if to torture me, these orbs of fear have been beeping weekly.  When it starts blasting through our peaceful bliss my body begins to tremble and I begin to climb.  Twice I was sitting next to Daddy on the recliner when the orb attacked.  I began to shake, got on the recliner's arm, leaped to Daddy's shoulder, then climbed on Daddy's head like a grinder's monkey hopped up on speed to get it to dance.

Of course I want Daddy to get out of his chair and to attempt to, and ultimately fail to, fix the beeping, but he is wearing a Pocket for a toupee.  Once, as he was wrestling to remove my claws from his scalp and my body from his skull the paper delivery man heard the beeping and the noise I make (similar to the sound your unwed Uncle made the day he tried to get his zipper unstuck using the vice in your Daddy's basement and slipped catching his Harry Baals in the vice) and the delivery man saw Daddy with me on his head and yelled "Good morning Mr. Trump."

After successfully completing the removal of a clingy, trembling Yorkie from his head, Daddy then had to determine which orb was beeping.  He plucked one off the wall, and held it to his ear like an elderly man with a transistor radio pressed against him to hear the out of town scores. The beeping continued, but from somewhere else.  He tried the basement leaving me in the trembling recliner.  Then he went to the second floor where he nabbed the culprit.  He brought it down stairs and told me it will be all right.  I doubted that.  This orb was smarter than Daddy,

He got the back off and pulled out one of the batteries.  It still beeped.  Daddy looked at it.  "Why would it still beep if I took out one of the batteries?" he asked me. I didn't know.   I was a Trembling Yorkie (order one of those at a pub in Knightsbridge and you'll be blind for a week.)  He kept looking at it like it was a Rubik's Cube with four sides done.  "What's the mystery pull out the other batteries!" I yelled.

Then my angel, my Mommy, slowly came down the stairs and looked at Daddy who was still studying the beeping orb.   "What are you doing?" she asked in that tone; the one she uses on me when I am obsessively scratching at the couch, or at Foley when she's licking every inch of the rug.  Daddy held up the orb and said it was still beeping with only two batteries.  "So take out the others batteries you moron," she said.  Daddy began to explain that it shouldn't be running on only two.  Mommy gave him the look she gives me when I poo on the hardwood floor and the look she gives Foley when she tries to dine on said poo.  Daddy took out the batteries saving my tiny brain.

Several days later, in the dark, while we were snuggled deep in our bed, it happened again.  I was the lone family member awakened by the beeping.  The rest awoke when the bed began to shake, and to Daddy's panicked cry of "Earthquake!"  Mommy said "It's not an earthquake it's a Pocket shake," and she used both the voice and the look, which, when used in unison, could bring down the government in Egypt.

Daddy got up and began his search again.  Mommy held me as I shook.  Foley stayed curled up.  Daddy found the bad orb.  He took it downstairs.  I continued to tremble.  I wish I had one of Shadow's thunder shirts. Do they make incompetent Daddy shirts?  "It will be OK Pocket," Mommy said. " Daddy just needs to disable the batteries."  Instead of it being silenced the long high pitched squeal began.  "Idiot," Mommy said in a tone of voice that made both Foley and I tremble.  She then yelled at Daddy to take all the batteries out and she would fix it in the morning.  He came back to bed but neither Daddy or I could sleep.  He was mad about his battery failure failure and I was too scared worried that if the carbon monoxide monster came to attack us it would do so without warning.

Since then my trembling has been triggered several times, mostly from that stupid television.  When there is something on it Mommy and Daddy don't like they can find the remote but when someone has caused an alarm to squeal on it they have a harder time finding the remote then a blind gold miner.  I think those beeping things should be barred from television forever.

Then Sunday night, while we were again snuggled in bed, the beeping started once more.  I woke up Daddy who used those words you can't find in the Bible.   Since Mommy was asleep Daddy picked me up to go on an orb hunt.  We checked the upstairs orb but the prognoses was negative.  We made our way down the stairs.  Half way down we heard a nearby beep.  Daddy took the orb off the wall, ripped open the back, and removed the batteries.  "We'll let Mommy deal with it in the morning," he said.

When we started back up the stairs there was another beep.  Daddy stooped, looked at me, said "what the hey?" and put his ear to my butt to see if I was beeping.  But it wasn't me.  It was the smoke detector.  In a Foley lifetime of living in that house the smoke alarms had never beeped.  Daddy was perplexed.  The smoke alarm is attached to the ceiling.  He got a chair.  He then, while still holding little, trembling me, stood on the chair.  He unscrewed the fire alarm while holding me now trembling like a vibrator that goes to 11, scared because of the beeping, and because I suddenly had  been drafted in the Flying Wallendas, and found he could not unhook it, then put it back.

BEEEEEEP!"  Just saying, if it was me, and I had a dog deathly afraid of that sound, I wouldn't be standing on a chair holding the dog as close to be beep as possible.  Daddy studied the orb like he was looking at the mirror at a strange spot of his face.   Then he saw a little compartment.  He opened it.  Nestled there was a nine volt battery.  Daddy, balancing me, and himself, removed it from the detector, stepped off the chair, looked at me, reminded me that he had told me he would fix the problem and began carrying me upstairs.  BEEEEEEEP!  He stopped and looked at the smoke detector with a cold hatred in his eyes.  He walked into the kitchen and rifled through the battery drawer.  He found a lone nine volt.  He put the chair back and we began to climb on to the chair when either a light bulb or a beeping smoke alarm went on over his head.  He put me down.  He climbed up and put in the new battery, assured me that all was well and took me to bed.  I stayed at the head of the bed, sitting up, while Daddy was scratching me trying to calm me.  He was right.  But who can blame me for doubting Daddy.

So I hope to someday live a beep free life.  To be honest I hate any beeping things that beep.  I wish they would just beep.

Signed yours in fear
Pocket dog

We have awarded our Stylish Blogger Award to Silvieon4

It is our great pleasure to announce that we have awarded the Stylish Blogger Award to http://www.silvieon4.com/

Silvie has written more than 2,000 blogs covering every subject from pup adoptions to a cause that is close to my heart, human training.  And I gave her this award before she posted Calliope's dog wedding from Days of Our Lives, a great moment in dog pop culture history. 

Silvie is a very pretty lady.  She adopted a very lucky family and made their lives happy and bright.  She is also very photogenic and could be a model.  Her blog is worth peeking at just for the beautiful photos of her. 

Her blogs are a wonderful place for information all dogs should know.  And she is the most prolific dog I know.  It is February 22 and she has already posted 53 blogs this month.

For all her hard work, for her informative and entertaining blog, and for being one special pup Silvie is our Stylish Blogger Award winner.

Saffron and Sage are our February 20, 2011 pups of the week

So much has been said about the beautiful Jackie Pool by so many that it seems impossible to add more.  Saffron and Sage are our pups of the week, two beautiful dogs, with pure hearts, but instead of me telling you why I will let Jackie's words tell you why.

Many of us first met her at Doggyspace, others at Facebook, and some at The Tanner Brigade.  She instantly added so much to the site, and helped us throw one of our biggest bashes, Saffron's wedding to Fella.

Her outstanding computer skills and imagination took us to the beautiful ceremony as we watched the happy couple enjoy their first dance.  You can also see the Smile box from their wedding HERE

While Saffron's wedding was fun, it was also a diversion, because at the beginning of 2010 Jackie's thoughts were with her sweet boy Sage:  "I had to take him back to the vet this morning. His blood count was worse than it was yesterday. More tests were done and we are pretty sure it's an autoimmune disease called IMHA. He's on 5 meds, got a vitiman shot and will have to go back Thursday to be rechecked," she wrote, asking us to pray for him, which she didn't need to do, as we already were.  

Two days later Sage was doing worse:  "I took Sage in for more blood tests this morning. His counts are seriously low and he had to stay for IV treatment. The vet also mentioned that he may have to have a blood transfusion. Please, please keep saying those prayers for him."  With everything headed downhill and the costs rising many of us may have had to make the hardest decision.  But Jackie Pool never quit, especially on her beloved pups.

"Sage did well with the transfusion today. He came home with his tail wagging! This morning when I took him in, I really did not expect him to make it. He could barely move and each breath seemed to take so much work. When I picked him up this afternoon, the vet said his cell count in his urine was down. This COULD mean that his body is slowing down on it's attack of his red blood cells"  Jackie, as always, gave more credit to her friend's prayers then her strong will.  

Within a week of the first vet visit Sage was strong enough to have the blogs in his words again.  "Dr Liles was pleased with the light pink color of my gums! He tood the IV port out of my leg, and boy it hurt when he took it out!...I ate a little bit of my breakfast, and guess what I had for supper- grilled steak!!! I'm never going back to dogfood!! This is the first time in my life I've had hooman food, and it's great!!"

There are two themes in this post that showed Jackie's heart.  One was her affinity with Sage:  Knowing his thoughts by looking in his eyes.   The second was her optimism.  For those of us who were in contact with Jackie in the last months we know that optimism in the face of long odds.  

The setback was only temporary and by March 8 Jackie was doing the Happy Dance.  "Mom loaded me up in her Hoopty ride and off we went to the vet's office. I walked right in, jumped up in a chair and made myself right at home. The girl that works the desk told me, "Good morning Sage!" of course I had to run over and give her a big kiss for greeting me. When they called my name, I trotted right to the scales and sat still while they wrote down my weight. Then off to the room with the table! I was a very good boy and sat VERY still while the dogtor took my blood, even gave him a kiss for his efforts. Mom and I waited for the results of the blood test and GUESS WHAT!!! MY COUNT WAS 40 TODAY!!!!! We are waiting for more test results, but I may get to lower the steriods again tomorrow or the next day!!! Mom is really doing the Happy Dance today!!!"

Here is the story of Saffron's first shopping trip: 

"Monday morning, Mom took me to see a new groomer. Her shop was inside a store called Petsense. I've never been inside a store before!! We walked up and down each aisle, and I got to sniff all the toys and treats! I even saw a cat in a cage!! Good thing my brother wasn't with us, he'd have had a barking fit at the cat!!  When Mom came to pick me up, I helped her pay for my haircut and trotted out to the car just like a big girl! I even jumped in the car all by myself! Mom was worried about how she was going to get me out to the car because she had The Little Monster #2 with her. (Granddaugher #2) Mom was VERY impressed with me!! She said I may get to go shopping again!!"


A true dog lover even on holidays Jackie would not let us forget what pups have done for us "Hoomans are not the only ones who have gave their lives for our country. Let's all take a moment to remember our furry brothers and sisters who have given their lives too."   She included this link:  http://www.petcem.com/wardogmemorial.html


At the end of June Sage was now having a problem with an infection on his back.  "Some of you already know that I've been having problems with skin infections. This medicine I'm on has really been kicking my butt!! The stuff is supposed to be for skin infections, but I'm having to take a large doseage of it to kill my immune system. Well I guess it's working because I'm having infection after infection!! I go back to the vet on the 6th so maybe I'll get to lower my dosage. Keep your paws crossed!!"  Again Sage's vet bills must have been very high, but that was no concern for Jackie.  Sage was her baby, and nothing was going to keep from doing everything possible for her baby. Even with this going on Jackie still took time out to support other dogs.  Sage's friend Savannah had leg problems and Jackie was the first to cheer her on.  "Let's all encourage Savannah to use her leg. Tell about your favorite place to go for a walk, take Savannah with you and show her the sights!"  She also showed concern for her friend Cooper who was found to have a skin condition at his groomer's:  "When his Mom picked him up at the groomers she was shown some red spots on Cooper's tummy and even in his mouth. She took him to the vet and they think it MIGHT be an autoimmune disease. The vet didn't tell her which one, just that one is treatable and one is fatal."  With Jackie, Saffron and Sage rallying the troops Cooper quickly recovered. 


The majority of Sage's blogs were about is precarious health.  From July 5:  "Tomorrow morning I go back to the vet for some BIG tests!! The most important one will check to see if I'm over the Rocky Mountain Tick Fever or not. Mom and I are both a bit nervous about this one, it's a biggy. If the test comes back good , I may get to cut some of these pills down. On the other paw if it's not good, well, we're not going to think about that one."  What a horrible hell to have hanging over your head, especially when you look in those deep brown eyes and wonder how long they will be shining back at you.  

The next day's vet visit did not go as well as hoped:  "Well is wasn't as good of a report as we were hoping for. My red blood count is down from last time, but not enough to get worried about. My kidney and liver levels are up though. Mom said it's caused from the pills I'm on. She will start giving me more Milk Thistle in my food, it's supposed to help protect the liver and kidneys. We won't know the result from the Tick Fever test until around Friday. I guess I'm doing ok, I feel pretty good and that's what counts the most!!"


Thankfully the next day came back with a positive result: "  Dear Sage's Mom and Dad,
Sage had great news on last cbc at LR lab; PCV is up to 45%; all diff. normal; platelets norman; NO SPHEROCYTES; other rbc parameters all normal!!!!!!!!!!!  NOW WE GET TO LOWER MY MEDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  A GREAT WAY TO START MOM'S VACATION, DON'T YA THINK???  We are still waiting on the results on the Rocky Mt. Fever test, but I'm pretty sure with these results, that one will come back clean!!

Being a good sister Saffron also reported on her brother's condition giving us an update after her Mom talked to a vet in North Carolina after more questions arose about his blood levels and Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever "After talking to the vet in North Carolina, Dr Liles found out that the tick levels may stay the same for quite some time. As long as the reading doesn't go up, we are A-ok!!!  If Sage's next regular blood test comes back good-high red cell count- we will get to reduce his meds.  AND he will be immune to Rocky Mt.Tick Fever when he gets over this bout of it!!"

In October Saffron  reported on Sage's next serious bout of worry for the year.    "Sage has not been feeling well today. Mom said his gums are pale again. That could mean his blood count is down. If he's not doing better tomorrow Mom will be taking him to see the dogtor. We hope he's just having a "off" day and that he will be back to his barking self tomorrow.
UPDATE:
Sage's blood count was down just a bit. Our dogtor thinks his body is just now adjusting to the change in his meds. It takes awhile for them to build up in his blood and awhile for them to lower, so he's just now feeling the results of his last dosage change."



More good news came Sage's way September 13:  " MY RED COUNT IS UP TO 42.2!!!
EVERY OTHER COUNT IS WITHIN NORMAL RANGE!!! WOOOOO-HOOOO!!!!!!
I get to quit taking so many pills and I don't have to go back until December!!!!"

But good news never stuck with Sage for long.  The next health problem to inflict Sage was arthritis in his shoulder.  "  All these years, I'm been snickering at Saffron because she has to stay in her crate when we are left home alone. Today Mom has ME in the crate!!  I've starting having trouble with my front leg. We went to the vet on Monday and she told Mom that I have arthritis in my shoulder. I got 7 days of pain pills, but they aren't helping much. The lady vet told Mom if I wasn't better in a few days to try crate rest for 3 or 4 days.  At least Mom did move the crate into the living room so I can watch TV and see what's going on while I'm in here. I hope this helps because I don't want to go back to the vet's and have x-rays done. It's just no fun getting old!!"  That was a hard lesson we had to learn.  It is not fun getting old.

Jackie's last post about Sage's health came after her own diagnosis:  "First I got weighed - 34 pounds, down from 37.5 last time. YIPEE!!  Then I had to let them poke me in the throat and get blood to be tested. I did cry just a bit this time, it hurt!! I tried to climb on top of Mom's head to get away, but it didn't work, they got blood anyway."  Knowing her prognosis it's hard to say if her final words about Sage's health were written with irony of optimism:  "FINALLY  he came back with the results-  ALL NORMAL!!! Every single reading was in normal range!!  WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  Looks like I'm finally in the clear!!"

Reading all this you realize how the last months of Jackie's life were dedicated to keeping Sage healthy.  How she wasted no expense, made every possible effort, to keep her sweet boy with her.  There is no use in speculating if she put Sage's health before her own.  She followed her heart.  To keep a little Cocker Spaniel who occupied a large part of her heart alive.  I would like to think we will all have her strength when the time comes.  If we do, I suspect it is because Jackie gave us the strength.

While also coming up with the idea of the Christmas Card Exchange which kept the post office in business Jackie also used Sage's blog to list what they were happy for at Thanksgiving:

"I have so many things to be thankful for this year

1 That my Mommy and Daddy have taken such good care of me this year. It was very stressful on them and they could have taken the easy way out and had me put to sleep.
2 That my hooman sister finally came to her senses and moved back home with her little one. ( more dropped treats for me)
3 That my hooman bubby got a great new job and that he really likes it.
4 I'm thankful for all my good friends on TB. I know no matter what, you will all be here for me.
5 Finally I'm thankful for 8:00 every night, that's snacktime! BOL"

But Jackie was far more than the worried Mom her sense of humor made us smile on hundreds of occasions.  On July 18, 2010 Saffron opened the Saffel Worm Farm.  Ever the entrepreneur Saffon not only sold wrorms but worked her way up to other business ventures as well:   "HAVE YOU BEEN WANTING TO GET THAT SPECIAL LADY IN YOUR LIFE A LITTLE SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU CARE?  LADIES, ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A NEW SCENT, SOMETHING LIGHT AND EARTHY???  MAY I SUGGEST MY NEW PERFUME??  IT'S A WARM BLEND OF EARTH AND WORM, YOU WILL BE THE TALK OF THE TOWN!!"

 

And who could forget her wonderful special on Unicorn meat

When the Saffel Worm Farm did open they offered a unique cologne for the male dog:  "

FOR ONE DAY ONLY WE WILL BE OFFERING A BRAND NEW PRODUCT!!!
DUE TO THE RARE INGREDENTS WE CAN ONLY PRODUCE ONE BOTTLE A DAY OF THIS WONDERFUL COLOGNE. IT'S AN OUTDOORSY FRAGRANCE, JUST A HINT OF MANURE, DIRT AND A TOUCH OF ROADKILL. SURE TO HAVE THE LADIES RUNNING!!
ONLY A FEW BRAVE DOGS WILL BE WILLING TO WEAR THIS!!
1589 KIBBLE FOR 1oz bottle"

Saffron, having seen so many close calls with Sage, had great empathy for those who lost their pets to the bridge.  "One of my friends is going to the Rainbow Bridge this evening. His Mom found a growth in his mouth weekend before last. They went to the vet, but Dallas wouldn't let them look in his mouth, so he went back on Wednesday to have his teeth cleaned and the growth checked out. Once they got a good look at the growth , they knew, but took x-rays anyway. They found growths all over his body. His Mom, Dad and brother Diesel only had a week left with him."

There was also great concern for another dog who had taken ill:  "Shana has been missing from TB and DS. I got to worrying about her and started sniffing around, trying to find out if she is ok or not. Petey, her boyfriend has been worried about her too. He hadn't heard from her in over a week! Finally he got into contact by phone. She has had life changing events happen, and NOT good ones!"

When our friends Hattie and Smarite had a dust up she stepped right up to inform us and ask for prayers:  "You all know about the tuffle Hattie and Smartie had. Well it has turned out that Miss Smartie will be having some dental work tomorrow. Please keep her in your prayers that all goes well.
My other prayer request if for a friend from one of Mom's forums and FB. His name is Diesel. He just lost his brother Dallas a few weeks ago to cancer. This afternoon Diesel was rushed to the vet. We don't know what's going on yet, but I'm sure his Mom and Dad are very upset."

Saffron also used blogs to bring smiles to our faces

On December 12, 2011, Saffron posted an ominous blog that frightened us all: 

"Yesterday Mommy went to her vet because she has been coughing alot and having trouble breathing. They took pictures of the inside of her chest and saw 2 spots on one of her lungs. This morning, she went and had a cat scan her! Now why in the world would my Mommy want a cat to scan her??? Anyway the cat told her that sure enough Mom has a mass in her lung, maybe in both. Mommy has been crying alot this afternoon, I think she is sad and scared. Sage and I have been trying to keep her busy by acting like we have to go out every five minutes, but it doesn't seem to be working. Would you please add our Mommy to your prayer list? We know how powerful puppy prayers are and we could sure use alot of them right now."

Saffron's final blog brought us the sad news:  "Afraid Mom got very bad news this morining. She does have cancer, it's in both lungs and has moved to other parts of her body too. She's not sure if she will do treatment or not. Right now, she's leaning toward the not. She goes to see the cancer Dr on the 27th. I was a very good little nurse today and stayed by her side while she slept after she got back from the hospital. Sage stayed close by just in case I needed his help too. Keep those puppy prayers coming, we need them now more than ever!"

Last Sunday Jackie succumbed to the fight no person can win, the final one.  Everyone who ever met her, in person, on the phone, or by the ancient art of writing,  lost a beloved sister.  There may be those who come along who are who equal, we shall never meet a better person than Jackie Pool.

Jackie's favorite charity was the Bald Knob Animal Shelter in Bald Knob, Arkansas. They are also in a contest to win some money to improve their shelter.  To vote for them the link is HERE. The information to contact the shelter and donate is HER

I have been told that Jackie loved butterflies, which reminded me of the words of an Elton Johns song:  "Butterflies are free to fly, so fly away, fly high."

Out of all the wonderful tributes for her none were more poignant than the video posted on the funeral home site.  If you would like to see it click HERE

I hope we will meet again Jackie, with our dogs, our friends, and our loved ones, and we'll laugh together so hard together they'll hear thunder from the Rockies to the Appalachians.  Until then rest well my friend, until we meet again.

 

 

Ask Aunt Foley featuring actual questions from actual dogs

Dear Aunt Foley,

For the past few months, I have spent hours upon hours training a little hooman boy to

feed me bites of his lunch, snacks or dinner. You should see the things that I have been

able to enjoy! Pieces of pot roast, carrots, chicken, fruit…It’s like having the best buffet

located in my very own kitchen. Now, my mommy and daddy are telling him to stop!

WTF? I have worked to long and hard to get this boy trained. How do I tell him to keep

feeding me, and to ignore his parental figures?

On another note…how do you potty train a yorkie that pee’s on everything?

Sincerely,

Growling Tummy

Dear Growling Tummy

I do not believe your Mommy or Daddy think they are doing anything to you.  They are young parents.  Young parents start to working on controlling their child's lives within a year of their being born.  Of course us pups begin training them right after they are brought home.  That way we get them to feed us.  But then parents start their training. Unfortunately it is the beginning of a number of changes, no poo in his pants, video games, human friends.  But there is some good news.  Stay close to this kid.  Once he figures out he is being manipulated by Mom and Dad and wants to rage against the machine you convince him that the best way to do this is to have him start feeding you from the table again.  Then the good times will roll my friend.  As for training a Yorkie who pees on everything that answer is pending further review.

Dear Aunt Foley:

My name is Susie and I just came out of the closet...... I am having the most fun EVER..but I have now discovered attention and I want it 24/7..and then there is Matilda getting in my way, demanding my attention.. I've tried crying and whinning, that doesn't work..the eyes work tho, but they avoid them..what can I do?

Susie

Dear Susie:  
You seem to have a big problem on your hands.  I know Matilda.  She's a sweetheart but I wouldn't want to try and compete with her for attention.  How about climbing on Matilda's back and riding around on her?  Then when Matilda is getting attention you would be getting attention too.  You have two  problems.  One is that even if you whine as loud as you can you won't be able to be heard over Matilda's farts and her poos are bigger than you.  So just ride her for all the attention you can get.

Dear Aunt Foley...

I was adopted and got this big brother, guess he came with mom too...anyways......

Signed Maggie 

Dear Maggie:  
Oh this is a tough call for me sweet Maggie.  Your Mom is as special a dog owner as has ever been.  While I prefer girls to boys I have personally met Pokey and I found him to be a perfect gentleman.  I am sure there are times when he is a pain, just today Pocket and I went nose to nose and started fighting.  But count your blessings honey.  You were adopted by the best lady north of Boston.  So you have to put up with Pokey once in awhile.  Still you have to admit you got a pretty sweet deal.

Dear Aunt Foley:

I have this very annoying "Queen Diva" that thinks she has to have everything her way....

Help Me!!!!

Dear Help Me: 
Oh it sounds like you have a terrible problem.  There is nothing worse than living with a Queen Diva.  You have to walk like an  Egyptian and try to overthrow those in power.  Stand up to the Queen Diva.  You may get nipped and bloodied a few times, but you are young, and inevitably the Queen will age and you will be able to kick her tail.  Then you will be the Queen Diva.   Unless the author of this question is Pocket.  If that is the case then get away from the computer, you will never be the Queen Diva and if you try anything like that with me I'll bite the wag off you tail.

If you have a question for Aunt Foley you can send an e-mail to Foleymonsterandpocket@gmail.com or leave a comment on this blog.

The Dogs of Brazil have awarded us the Stylish Blogger Award and Justin Beiber still hasn't won anything

Although Pocket and I consider our meager efforts far from worthy we have been honored by the tremendous writers of the Dogs of Brazil blog, which, if you are not reading every day, you should be, with the Stylish Blogger Award.  While receiving this award from any blogger would have been a thrill, to be recognized by writers who have spent the last two months rescuing and caring for dogs displaced in the biblical floods that have plagued Brazil, to be held in esteem by such warriors, is a thrill beyond compare.

We shall be proud to display this badge on our page:

Our blog is one of three blogs to whom our Brazilian friends shall grant this award.  It will be our job now to award this to three other blogs.  Unlike most of our decisions, which put us in either great danger or silly peril, we shall take our time so we can make a wise choice.

Now we have to list seven facts that you do not know about us.  I, Foley Monster, and Pocket agree that I should handle this task, since I lived eight years before penning my first blog, and Pocket was blogging in the womb, so there is little about her life that is not known.

Also Pocket insists these facts have to be true, so I will not be listing how I played John Valjean in Les Miserables for three years on Broadway or that I wrote The Help.

So I give you the magnificent seven unknown facts about Foley Monster:

1.  My Mommy has a recliner that spins.  It sits between my little chair and the couch.  Sometimes, to get up on the couch, I sit on my little chair, bark at Mommy to spin the recliner towards me, then have her spin it towards the couch so I can get on the couch and enjoy a three second two foot ride.

2.  There was a skit on Saturday Night Live called The Falconer.  Mommy and Daddy would watch the show in bed with me under the covers.  During the skit the Falcon would make a long caaaw caaw sound.  Whenever I heard it I would jump out of bed and stand by the door growling until Daddy got up, leashed me, took me outside and I searched the grounds for The Falcon.  No other sound has ever made me react like that.

3.  When I was less than a year old Daddy came home late one night.  I greeted him at the door with my sister Blake who is now at the Bridge.  Daddy and Mommy sat down to talk when they noticed I was missing.  Daddy panicked thinking I was loose outside in the dark.  He opened the door to find me sitting between the screen door and the front door just as content as could be.

4.  I like being picked up, but not held.  I like to balance on the holder's arm but do not like being squeezed.

5.  I was never registered with the AKC so I have no papers and can never visit any of my friends in Arizona.

6.  I got fixed at five months of age so I have never been in heat.  But I have been in humidity.

7.  I administer a web site called the Tanner Brigade and after I go on the chat I still can't figure out how to make the window collapse and have to restart the computer.

Now say a little prayer for us so we can make wise choices on who to also honor with the award.

Thank you again, my brilliant friends, the Dogs of Brazil

Pepper and JuJu are our February 13, 2011 pups of the week

Recently our pups of the week Pepper and JuJu lost the must unappreciated members of our families.  The Grandma.

Our Grandmas serve the most important function of our lives.  They created our Moms.  Without our Grandmas we would be the dogs who live with the weird, lonely guy in the house surrounded by crab grass.

And they love us like they love their grandchildren:  a joy to play with, a treat to spoil, and a pleasure to leave with their children and go back home to their quiet house.

Grandmas and puppies have a trait in common regarding our relationships with our Moms and their daughters:  we leave first.  No grandma should ever have to face the horror of losing their child, and no pup should experience the loneliness of losing their Mom.  So that's the deal we and grandparents have with our Moms:  we go first.

But that doesn't make it any easier on our Moms.  This week Pepper and JuJu lost their grandmother, as have so many other pups recently, and this weeks recognition of Pepper and Juju is for all the pups who have lost their grandmothers in the last year, including your two favorite pups Foley and Pocket.

Pepper and JuJu fulfilled their roles as pups during the following days.  When a Mom loses their Mom it's up to us dog to sit nearby, put our paws on their hands, softly lick them, climb up to lick off those tears, and to show our Moms, that, while we can never fill the whole in their hearts caused by the loss of their Mom, we can try to heal the pain with 1,000 kisses.

This was harder on their Mom because she had to leave her beloved pups to go back east for the funeral.  Oh to have a heartbroken Mom and have to wait for her return to heal her.  But when she returned home her two little lovelies were there ready to help and heal.

And then move.  There is a lot of stress that goes along with moving.  We understand that as we are trying to move now.  Everything gets packed up, our toys disappear, there is a lot of stress, and then there is a new house to get used to, new places to mark.

So there is a lot of stress in the house of Pepper and JuJu now but they are up for the challenge ready to do whatever their Mom needs to help her through the hard times.

So here is to Pepper and Juju our Pups of the Week, to our grandmoms everywhere, and to our precious Moms.  As Luca and Junior said so simply in their group name:  Mom's We Love You

The first ever video of Pocket playing ball (with Foley cameos)

When I heard of the triple headed scheme (more like hoople headed scheme) that my Daddy and Pocket had cooked up I decided to get under the bed and not come out until night time.  Their plan was to have Pocket try out for the Red Sox (or at least the Furminators) by showing how well she could field, catch, and run after the ball.  And Daddy was going to do a video and post it here.  The only problem was none of those involved could do any of these things.  But that didn't stop Daddy from using the camcorder on his phone and Pocket using, well, whatever Pocket uses, and  trying to make a video.  When I heard them begin filming I decided to come down and take a look.  Which is the only reason, dear reader, to continue on with this post.  For the rare glimpse of the beautiful Foley Monster.  Here is their first attempt, where Daddy tries to throw ground balls to Pocket while capturing it on video.  What you should see is Pocket fielding the ball and giving it back to Daddy.  What you will see is lots of video of our rug, Daddy's fingers, Pocket missing the ball, and a rare Foley Monster siting.

 

The next part of the tryout is her trying to catch fly and bouncing balls.  Pocket doesn't have much luck here.  Part of it is her inability to stop her mouth from moving and her non stop barking.  Once you've seen her misplay the ball  there is no need to see it again, but, about half way through there is another appearance by me, Foley Monster, and I put my ears in three different positions in about two seconds.  So cool.  Just watch up to that point.   Here it is.

By the third video Daddy had lowered the camera to get a Yorkie eye view of what occurred.  By this time I was bored by the entire proceeding, as you can see from my reaction.  Daddy decides to try Pocket as a soccer goalie but as usual it was hopeless. 

Personally I see the entire experience as silly, except for the few seconds I appear.  I fully expect to get nominated as Best Supporting Actress in a badly taped sports tryout.  Look for me at the Oscars.

The first Pocket baseball tryout video (featuring Foley Monster cameos)

When I heard of the triple headed scheme (more like hoople headed scheme) that my Daddy and Pocket had cooked up I decided to get under the bed and not come out until night time.  Their plan was to have Pocket try out for the Red Sox (or at least the Furminators) by showing how well she could field, catch, and run after the ball.  And Daddy was going to do a video and post it here.  The only problem was none of those involved could do any of these things.  But that didn't stop Daddy from using the camcorder on his phone and Pocket using, well, whatever Pocket uses, and  trying to make a video.  When I heard them begin filming I decided to come down and take a look.  Which is the only reason, dear reader, to continue on with this post.  For the rare glimpse of the beautiful Foley Monster.  Here is their first attempt, where Daddy tries to throw ground balls to Pocket while capturing it on video.  What you should see is Pocket fielding the ball and giving it back to Daddy.  What you will see is lots of video of our rug, Daddy's fingers, Pocket missing the ball, and a rare Foley Monster siting.

 

The next part of the tryout is her trying to catch fly and bouncing balls.  Pocket doesn't have much luck here.  Part of it is her inability to stop her mouth from moving and her non stop barking.  Once you've seen her misplay the ball  there is no need to see it again, but, about half way through there is another appearance by me, Foley Monster, and I put my ears in three different positions in about two seconds.  So cool.  Just watch up to that point.   Here it is.

By the third video Daddy had lowered the camera to get a Yorkie eye view of what occurred.  By this time I was bored by the entire proceeding, as you can see from my reaction.  Daddy decides to try Pocket as a soccer goalie but as usual it was hopeless. 

Personally I see the entire experience as silly, except for the few seconds I appear.  I fully expect to get nominated as Best Supporting Actress in a badly taped sports tryout.  Look for me at the Oscars.

Dear Aunt Foley

Dear Aunt Foley.
I am the loving mother of two dogs, one male, one female.  We owned the female first and then we got the male as a companion.  The boy is very low key Shih Tzu.  All he wants to do is lie on my lap all day.  His sister is a playful Golden Retriever but she is also very stubborn, barks constantly, and nips when I try to discipline her.  I am finding I am enjoying my time with my quiet little boy then I am with my playful but stubborn little girl.  By the end of the day I find myself sitting with my little boy at night and yelling at my little girl.  I try to treat them equally but my little girl is driving me crazy.  I talked to my sister and she said I was being a bad dog parent if I wasn't treating them the same.  I would like to love them and treat them the same, what should I do?
Conflicted.

Dear Conflicted:
 I am a little confused about how you could prefer your boy dog over your girl dog.  I know there are some Moms who prefer boy dogs, and there is nothing wrong with that.  But if you have a boy and girl dog I don't know how you can prefer the boy, namely because they have that thing.  It hangs down, sometimes it sprouts a little rocket, they hump anything that moves.  I may be the monster but no one makes the monster with two backs with me.  Having said all of that I don't think your problem is with boys vs girls.  It's breeds.  Shih Tzus are cute, beautiful and sweet.  They also have the excitability of a throw rug.  A Retriever needs to go, go, go, all the time.  If you walk the Retriever more often it will have less energy that turns negative towards you.  You can take the Shih Tzu on a walk,  but he would be just as happy with a warm spot on the rug and a toy.  Walk your retriever, get her energy out, work with her on training and she should be fine.  She could also be frustrated that, while you're not watching, your Shih Tzu is humping her.  I wouldn't imagine it would be more than one hump since a Shih Tzu's energy level is low.  Work the your Retriever, make sure your Shih Tzu isn't humping, and you should be fine.

Dear Aunt Foley
I am a rescue dog.  I was rescued from the cold wet streets by my loving Mommy and Daddy.  But ever since I was rescued I have noticed that my puppy brother, who was here before me, is jealous.  While I was on the street I hadn't been "fixed" yet (my new parents did it when they found me) and I did several things that I am not proud of.  I ate food out of dumpsters, stole food from garages, and had random sex, sometimes with farm animals.  I knew it was wrong, but it was the only satisfaction in my life was sharing my adventures in my Homeless Dog blog.  Once I got adopted I ended the blog.  But my brother found it on line last weekend and had my parents read it.  They say it makes no difference to them and they aren't treating me  differently.  Should I demand an apology from my brother?  Bite him in the ear?  And how do I reconcile what has happened with my Mom and Dad?
Former Bad Girl

Dear Former Bad Girl:
One of the lessons of the Internet, that we learn too late, is that once we put something there it never goes away.  But your brother shouldn't have investigated your past (obviously he is the jealous type) and certainly shouldn't have told your Mom and Dad.  Moms and Dads who take rescue pups don't care if there is something they are not proud of  in their adopted pups past.  They assume there is and all you needed was a good Mom and Dad to show you the right way, and to get your private parts closed for business.  As for your brother, first do a google search to see if there is any dirt on him, and when you are done with that, bite him in the butt.

Dear Aunt Foley:
I am a pure bred male poodle who is a stud dog and so far life is fantastic.  I mean really fantastic.  I know most of you pups have been fixed or neutered, and that is good, but for us who haven't, I mean you have no idea.  It's like really good steak.  A lot of really good steak.  Anyway I got loose one day, and I picked up the scent of a lollipop in heat.  If you have never had this sensation before let me explain it to you.  It's like when Daddy is eating a pretzel.  And you really want a piece of that pretzel.  But this is going to be the best piece of pretzel ever.  And you have to have it right now.  And when you get that pretzel, it's so good.  Well to make a long story short I got her pretzel and it was just about the best pretzel I have ever had.  I would really like to get more of her pretzels but Mommy found out and she is mad that my pretzel girl is not a pure bread like me and she doesn't want me wasting my boys on inferior pretzels.  How can I get my Mommy to understand it's not who made the pretzel, or where it came from, but how it tastes that matters?
Signed Twisted

Dear Twisted
Having had my forlorn ovaries removed long ago I am afraid I cannot relate to your situation.  Although if you think that this intercourse that you had with this other dog is better than a pretzel I do think you need counseling or a better pretzel.  You found a dog you like and you did the humpity hump and now little pups are on the way.  This is a reason to celebrate.  Humans have to understand dogs that aren't fixed don't just do it to give them puppies they can sell or to put a video of them on You Tube for lonely man to watch late at night, sometimes it is because dogs have made a connection.  I am betting that this will be the best littler you ever produce with lots of wonderful pups.  But just to be safe I'd try to be more careful about keeping the rocket on the launch pad if I was you.


If you have a question for Aunt Foley please send them to Foleymonsterandpocket@gmail.com

Shadow is our February 6, 2011 of the week

Does any pup keep track of our pups of the week.  I searched Wikipedia but there is no entry for the Tanner Brigade.  How is that possible?  I am curious because I don't remember naming sweet Shadow Pup of the Week.  How is it possible that we haven't named the nicest dog we know Pup of the Week?

This week Shadow got a double shot of devastating news.  But in typical Shadow fashion he began his log thinking of others and not himself.  With Shadow other pups always come first.

There is also a directness to Shadow that we appreciate.  In one sentence Shadow tells us the following:  His beloved Mom has the dreadful C word.  She found it when she noticed a spot on her skin.  They operated on her and the surgery was a success.  But her Mom had a reaction to the bandages and was in terrible pain.  He said this in about ten words. 

Most of us would have spent four blogs on this.  It is a very much what puppies need.  To vent their worry and pain.  But polite, sweet Shadow uses a single sentence.  Such strength for such a little dog.

But there is more.  Not only his Shadow's Mommy sick but his Daddy as well.  If this was happening to me I would be under the bed and you would barely be able to see my tail.  But Shadow reports what happened with the aplomb of Anderson Cooper being attacked in Egypt.  But he wasn't being attacked by angry protesters but by bad news that struck straight to his heart.

His Daddy was having stomach issues and he had one of those med school cats do a scan on him and while they couldn't find out what was wrong with his tummy they found a spot on his lungs and we all know how bad that can be.  So both Shadow and his Mom have to be just trembling with fear.  We need to give them all our thoughts and prayers to help the Shadow family through this tough time.

Our poor Shadow, like Buddy Boy, has even had to spend a few days away from his Mom which is so hard when you know someone you love is sick.  What a difficult time for a sweet baby.

And still, at the end of his blog, he doesn't forget his friends, promising to keep us informed, and giving us puppy kisses. 

We know your not a big dog Shadow, but your heart is about ten sizes larger than the largest dog, we love you, and you're our pup of the week.

The Pawnight Show with host Foley Monster and guest Puxatony Phil

*The Pawnight show theme song begins and there is a tracking shot of the dogs in the audience barking and wagging their tails.*

Pocket:  Welcome to the Pawnight show with your host Foley Monster.  Tonight's guest is the great prognosticator of spring Puxatony Phil.  With Hobo Hudson and his all mutt orchestra and Miss Hattie Mae on vocals.  I'm Pocket Dog.  And now, here's Foley.

*Audience barks and howls.  Curtain opens and Foley steps out and bows.*

Foley:  Thank you.  Thank you very much.  Wow.  Some winter huh?  I had to go out to the dog park to do my business if you know what I mean?  *Audience howls*  I was standing in line with an Irish Setter.  She asked if I was waiting for someone and I said yes a pack of Great Danes to melt the snow.  *Audience howls again*  All right.  Tonight we have a very important guest.  One of the most famous animals in the world.  The prognosticator's prognosticator Puxatony Phil.

*Audience barks and howls as Phil, a large, hairy groundhog comes out.  Foley and Phil stand on their hind legs and hug.  Foley then leads him over to a chair and Foley's desk with her chair behind it.  Phil sits.  Foley scratches the chair for a minute, spins around twice and sits down.*

Foley:  So, Phil, big day this week.  You predicted that we would have an early spring in the midst of one of the worst winters ever.  What made you predict that?

Phil:  Oh bugger that.  I didn't predict anything.  Those blokes came to pull me out and I said back off.  If they wanted to know if a shadow could be seen look at the ground and see if they cast a shadow.  Don't pull me out of bed.  So when I refused to go they cut up a mink coat, glued part of it to a chipmunk and pretended it was me.  That chipmunk predicted spring coming early.  Stupid chipmunk.  Can't stand those things.

Foley:  So you don't think we are going to have an early spring?

Phil:  What kind of wanker do you think I am?  Who would possibly think we would have an early spring when it snowed in 48 states 21 of 31 days in January.  Except a chipmunk in a fur coat.

Foley:  Are you saying the entire groundhog ceremony this year was a fraud?

Phil:  Foley, the last time I actually came out of my hole on Groundhogs Day was in 2005.  Last year I was in Rio with the Hilton Sisters.  The year before that I was in Vegas with Charlie Sheen the entire month of February.  The whole thing is nothing but a blur.

Foley:  I have to tell you Phil I feel kind of used.  For years all animals have idolized you and I'm beginning to think you're a bit of a fraud.

Phil:  Tell me Foley:  How many animals do you know who are pulled out of their warm environment in the dead of winter on a freezing cold morning, paraded in front of hundreds of disillusioned humans who have nothing better to do with their sad little lives then to bundle up, drink hot chocolate and hope to get a glimpse of an uncooperative rodent?    And they are waiting for me to tell them if the sun is out, which they knew anyway, because if the sun was shining they wouldn't need the hot chocolate and layers of clothes.  The entire event is terribly depressing.  Have you ever seen two humans fighting over a peanut vendor in the snow?  I will say, humans are adorable when they chew their peanuts.  *He makes a scrunched up face and pretends to chew as the audience laughs.*

Foley:  You seem rather bitter Phil.

Phil:  You know what I realized in 2005?  I looked out at the crowd, humans selling food, t-shirts, television camera with reporters paid through cooperate sponsorship, everyone making money but me.  When I demanded my share they put me in the hole to teach me a lesson.  Stupid humans.  I just crawled out the other side.  Tried to cut my own deal.  Thought we could have a Puxatony Phil day the weekend before the Super Bowl.  But I found out I was blackballed.

Pocket:  Did you get them when you dug out of the hole?

Foley:  Pocket, please don't talk to the guests.

Phil:  I couldn't get any work in the business.  My downward spiral began.  I had to feed myself out of dumpsters.  I had to dig for food in gardens  then I got a break.  Hosting the CBS show "So you think you can tell if there are six more weeks of winter?"  But after two weeks it was canceled and I was back on the street.  I began to appear in casinos getting together with my random rodents and seeing how many of us could climb into a spinning pink Cadillac under a giant floating Elvis head.  Some nights I had to work the stripper pole when the Beaver called in chaffed.

Foley:  It sounds to me like you have had a hard life after leaving the hole.

Phil:  I straightened out after being in Betty Ford for three months.  When I left I stopped, turned around, and told Lindsay Lohan she had six more weeks of rehab.

Foley:  Is that when you returned to your hole?

Phil:  Yes, but I still won't participate in Groundhog Day.   I suggested they move it to August when it was warm and I could predict how many more weeks of summer we had.  They nixed that.  Then we got into a disagreement about licensing.  See, it's called Groundhog Day.  But I'm the Groundhog.  It should be Phil Day.  They don't call Martin Luther King Day "African American Preacher Day."  They don't call Columbus Day "Lost Explorer Day."  They don't call Washington's Birthday "Presidents' Day."

Pocket:  Actually Phil I think.....

Foley:  Pocket don't talk to the the guests.

Pocket:  But Foley Presidents' Day....

Foley:  Pocket do you want to go in your crate?

*Audience goes "Oooooohhhh" as Pocket puts her tail between her legs.*

Phil:  They tell me if I don't cooperate with them they'll evict me from my hole.  That's when I sued them and won the right to stay in my hole.  I represented myself.  Surprised them by citing as precedent Tamarka the Rat v New York Transit Authority.

Foley:  So while you weren't doing the prognosticating, who was?

Phil:  Well the first couple of years they tried other groundhogs but that didn't work.  They had no spark.  You can't replace a Simon Cowell with some drugged out hippie from an 80's heavy metal band.  People won't buy it.  They tried muppets, and the past couple of years it's been Craig Ferguson and a puppet, but his wife went into labor on February 1 this year so they tried to get me to come out again.  Truth is, if the weather had been better I would have done it, just for nostalgia.

Foley:  Will we ever see you pop out of the hole again?

Phil:  Never says never Foley.  That's my motto.  But it would have to be during a lot warmer winter than this one.

Foley:  Say how was it working with Bill Murray?

Phil:  Oh, Bill's a pro.  When we were doing Lost in Translation together we had such a good time.  At the end when he came over and whispered something in my ear, totally not scripted.

Pocket:  I thought that was with Scarlett Johansson?

Phil:  Sophia Coppola green screened her in during editing when the studio felt the coupling of an older man and a younger groundhog was too controversial.

Foley:  Actually I was wondering about the movie named after you:  Groundhog Day.

Phil:  You mean Puxatony Phil Day?  Well working with Bill, again, just a genius.  And we did our own stunts.  When we drove off the cliff, that was us, driving off the cliff.  I jumped out before we hit the ground.  Bill was burned to a crisp.  That's why it all takes place on the same day over and over.   They had so much footage from that one day they changed the whole concept of the movie.  It was to be more Thelma and Louise with a man and a groundhog.  And they denied me a producer's credit on that too.  The whole thing wouldn't have happened if I hadn't put the star in the burn unit for 32 weeks.  And do I get credit?  No.  Another in the long string of my humiliations.

Pocket:  Wow, you're one bitter rodent.

Phil:  You want the job?  Live in a hole, come out once a year, get bright lights in your eyes, get held up so every little kid in Western Pennsylvania can see your genitalia?

Pocket:  Would I?  Puxatony Pocket?  I'd be famous.

Phil:  How old are you, three?  You could come back to my hole, put on some jazz, have a glass of brackish water and we could discuss it.

Foley:  Hold on there Pocket, I think Mommy expects you home tonight.  I promised her.  And we are out of time.  I would like thank our guest Puxatony Phil and we hope to see you some Groundhog Day soon.

Phil:  I wouldn't bet my last kibble on that Lolipop, now I asked for a carton of Lucky Strikes and a bottle of Manischewitz, if it's not in my dressing room by the time I get back you will be hearing from my attorney.

Foley:  I would like to thank Pocket Dog, Hobo, Hattie and the orchestra.  Everybody have a great night.  Now stay turned for Late Night with Jimmy Ferret.  Good night everyone.

*Orchestra play theme song as Foley and Pocket talks and Phil lights a cigarette.  Credits roll and screen fades to black*

If humans won't buy our condo how about dogs?

We have been waiting four months for a human to make an offer on our condo and so far not even a nibble. So once again it is up to me to help out my Mom and Dad.  I think their problem has been their insistence that they need to market our home to other humans.  But this leaves an entire segment of the population out.  I speak, of course, of the pup market.

So I would like to show you our home.  Let's start at the entrance.

This is what you usually see when you come in the front door.  Two comfy recliners, a little white chair for me, a warm carpet to nap on.  What more can you ask for?  That blur to the right is Pocket chasing the ball.  No wonder she leaks so much, she's barely solid.

Now the first thing you should do upon entering the house is to jump on the back of the couch to see what is going on outside.

This give was an excellent view of what is going on outside.  Anything that creeps into your vision needs to be barked at like your Gordon Ramsey having been given an undercooked Wellington.  This is your area,  Let no one pass without knowing they are on land under your protection.

When you are done hop over to Mom's recliner.  This is where I spend most of my day.

If you care to lift your head up you can watch the TV.  You can see down the bottom there is a little Wii Fit.  This is just for decoration.  Most of the time I am either facing Mommy or have my eyes shut.

Now let's take a stroll through the dining room and look out the back door:

How about we jump back to the couch for a picture of our central fireplace.

You get a nice view of the fire place and you can see right through to the dining room so if someone drops food off the table you can see it from the couch and get down, pick it up, and bring it back.  I steal lots of french fries like this.  Sometimes I forget they are there and Mommy finds the couch potato.  Also it's a nice view of our toys.

Now let's take a walk through the dining room and look out the back door.

OK, because of the snow there is not a lot to see.  But in the summer you rule this back section of the lawn too.  The good news is that with all the snow of the deck that bad white kitty can't sit on it and disrespect my authority.

Let's take a walk in the kitchen.  Here is my dog bowl.

Now the humans haven't offered this dog dish and stand as part of the deal but if you insist on having it we will throw it in.  There is a second bowl that goes with the stand that can be included too.  Mommy only puts out one dish  because Pocket over drinks and we all know what happens after that.

A short turn around and here is where we look up and wait for our treats

 

Usually our Mommy and Daddy are standing there getting the treats out of the jar while we stand, waiting forever, looking up.  This is also where we wait patiently for our supper.  We spend lots of time looking up like this.  Wish someone would clean around the stove exhaust.

We eat in the living room  by Mommy's chair off of plates.  They are in the dishwasher right now so you can't see them.   Plus I am pretty sure we are taking the plates.  But here is another prime spot for food.

It is the begging for scraps from the table spot.  Right between Mommy's chair and Daddy's chair.  You can see Daddy's chair.  That's because he is a soft touch.  This is prime human food place right here.  It is worth the asking price alone.

Although it is not for sale I did want to show you the entrance to my fortress of solitude where I go to get away from it all.   If you squint you can almost see the Monet.

Although this could also be a picture of a leopard's vagina.  Sometimes I get my kitty porn pictures and house pictures confused.

This is a picture of my toys.

None of them are for sale.  Just wanted to show you.  Aren't they nice,  For the right offer I might leave one behind,  But it would have to be a really good offer.

These are our stairs.  They're not so bad.,  There are two landings so you don't have a bunch to go down  

If you go up the stairs and to the left is the second landing.  This is my favorite spot.  I get sun from the sky light, which is now a snow light, and I get to look out this window to see all that is going on in my realm.

Now let's go upstairs.  You know what the best thing to do in the bedroom is.  Get on top of the bed and snuggle.  This is what is looks like from my bed.

Pretty perfect isn't it.  We're taking the bed with us.  But I'm sure you have a special one.  Everyone's bed is special.

That is where I spend my night time.  During the day I have a blanket I lay on at the foot of the bed.  This is what I see:

I admit it isn't the best view but I usually don 't face this way.  I face inside the blanket.  it looks like this.

Doesn't it look warm and snuggly?  Can't you just picture sleeping here all night long?  Now let's take a look out the front door.

This our main peeing area right now because of all the snow.  Also this is one of the rarest events you will see in nature.

 It is Pocket peeing outside.  Save this picture it will be worth something one day.  And finally, if you like recreation there is always mountain climbing.

 This is Mount Foley.  If you climb to the top you can see Russia.

So start you bidding pups.  Tell me how many kibbles you can afford and I'll see if Mommy will make a deal.

I hope this home makes you as happy as it has made us.