I have been observing humans for 11 years now and I am fascinated with the way they use language. If a human tells someone they got laid, it's a cause for celebration. If a human tells someone they got off, well, it's a little gross, but still a good thing. But if a human tells another human they got laid off everyone is sorry for them.
Humans used to get fired. Like Mr. Trump says: "you're fired." He didn't lay off Star Jones. And I would be very surprised if he laid with her. She's not enough Star, too much Jones.
Now there is a man who knows about laying, getting off, and layng people off. And what did he say. "I'll be back." Being either laid off or terminated plants the seed in a human's brain that they might be coming back, when there is no chance that they will.
So Mommy has been fired, displaced, dismissed, given the axe, sacked, whacked, forced out, evicted from the castle, not master of her domain, punted, dumped, scattered at sea, walked the plank, left at the shelter, had her nails trimmed. It was a day I have dreamed of for a long time. But when Mommy came home and I saw her long face I felt terrible that this dream had come true but the sausage tree dream remains elusive. Oh of all the dreams to answer. They gave her the shaft.
I have also studied human workers and I want to give you all advice. First of all, when at work, try to do as little as possible. If you do work, you create work, and the bosses don't like to have work created. What you want to do is when your boss comes out don't look like you are working hard. Sit down and breathe quickly then asleep at work. Your boss will think you are taking a break because you were just working hard.
Maybe Mommy should have tried harder. She said she gave all she had everyday. But maybe it should have been a little more..
So now I am getting my full Denny Crane on.