Once again us pups who are a little on the pudgy side, who would rather lie on a couch then go for walks and love to sneak a few table scraps here and there are under assault by Big Skinny.
time they are using a company called Fujitsu, which sounds like the
result of the mating of a Shih Tzu and a Toyota, who have created a
pedometer and a cloud service for dogs. Kennel cough, heartworm, parvo,
we still got all them, but we also have something that is usually worn
by elderly people trying to walk off that snuck piece of chocolate cake
before their doctor weighs them.
Fujitsu created the Wandant pedometer.
It tracks our every motion like Big Mother in the sky. Every step we
take, every cake we bake, every change in temperature gets recorded up
in a cloud (I believe they have enlisted squirrel angels to aid in
keeping track of this information, since they have longed to get even
with us after all the chasing and treeing.) Our every move, every
genital lick, would be recorded. Forget Freedom to Bark, our Freedom to
Self Enjoy is being threatened.
device goes on our collar (darn these collars, humans are finding more
and more to hang off of it and annoy us.) The information is then
uploaded to a smartphone or a computer betraying our every move. Our
humans can add information about our weight, our food serving, and yes,
our vicks. I am telling you the Fujitsu cooperation is threatening to
compromise our precious bodily fluids.
humans have a lot of work to do if they want this device to work as a
pedometer because it is one size fits all and none of us are one size.
According to the report I read a “three-way accelerometer helps it
figure out what's going on.” I don’t know what a three way
accelerometer is but I don’t want it around my legs or near my precious
now, for me and my smaller friends, we need not worry, because dog legs
for the first model created have to be six inches in length (of course,
for some reason everything in humans need to be six inches in length or
more. Another mystery I will never solve.)
now the device is only being sold in Japan but once Toyotas and Hondas
were only sold in Japan and you can’t swing a dead squirrel without
hitting one of those in America now. The cost of Big Skinny’s invasion
of our bodily functions is not yet known but to monitor our activity
humans have to pay $5.00 a month, money better spent on treats if you
watch out my friends. Keep anyeye peeled on line and in pet stores.
Do not let your Mom or Dad buy this product or our freedom to lick,
self molest, and poop in privacy may be compromised.
Every vigilantly yours, Foley Monster.