Tuesday, January 28, 2014
River Flew Over the Cukoo's Nest
After my high flying escape over the gate of doom I was once again regulated to my crate. What a gyp! Perform a death defying stunt that impresses everyone and you get locked up like you’re James Miller. (Google it. Griffons don’t do footnotes.)
And not only have I been locked up but I have been put on drugs against my will.
The drugs are something called Benadryl. This concerned me greatly. The only thing I knew about this drug was it was powerful enough to kill an immortal. I learned that from Spalding who told it to Madame LaLaurie on American Horror Story Coven. Well, if you are still with me after two obscure references I assume you’re going for the full ride so let’s get started
They got the drugs into me the dirtiest way possible. They used cheese. Drat the weakness us dogs have for cheese. Then they corralled me and put me in my crate. For the first 30 minutes I was nothing but pissed off and then:
Have you ever really looked at your paw? Like, dude. All your paws have these little dots on them, and they make patterns and sometimes the patterns spin, and it’s like wicked cool. And your nails, they are like four little daggers man, and when you hold them up to the light, woo!
And have you ever watched your tail. It just goes back and forth, back and forth. And the more excited you get watching it the faster it goes. It’s really cool. Then, when you start getting tired, it slows down. It’s awesome.
And have you ever stuck your tongue out so far that you can see it. It’s red, and wet, and it moves in and out of your mouth, and these little bits of saliva fly off of it, and then just hang in the air like bubbles, and then just float to the ground like tiny butterflies.
The bar of my crates are silver, and they begin floating in front of me, like I can put my hand through them, and then the entire crate lifts off the ground and I begin to float over the house, but I am looking at myself in the crate, and then I’m up in the stars.
And then I dozed off, woke up, and it was 15 minutes after I first became fascinated with my paw. I took a deep breath, and then went back to pushing on my crate door, panting, barking, and trying to escape.
But let me tell you, it was a great 15 minutes.
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